[try to b hapi]

My marriage is 1 year and four months old today and I have an 8month old that means everything to me.
I was eight months pregnant when I found out that my husband had a 6 month old child by going through his texts. He had been behaving suspiciously. Till today I blame myself for not going through his texts before I got married to him. I might have been saved this horror.
I had been dating my husband for 6 years before we finally got married. Since we were in medical school, now we are both working doctors. I must tell you that I was a bit suspicious about his fidelity but I only got something concrete once about two years to our wedding. For which he apologized profusely.
This latest affair is with an older woman(10 years older) on benefits with a 16year old child from a previous affair.
I am very hurt by his deceit, worse still because he keeps details about them from me, saying the money he gives his daughter and what he buys for her is none of my business. He went stealthily about the whole thing, registering her birth and going round with the other woman behind my back. He did a lot of things and told a lot of lies that I cannot begin to give details of here.
Since I found out, my husband has not really been sorry for what he has done, he and the elders in the family intimidate me with stories of women like me that did not accept that men were born to cheat and ended up depressed or suicidal. I was told to open my arms to him regardless of him being a brute to me (he beat me because I called his daughter a bastard in the heat of an argument). By the way, we are Africans, and marriage is not something you can dissolve over supposed "trivial matters" like this one, so they say.
To be honest I have been very sad as to what to do. He claims he has nothing to do with this woman but he wants the child in his life. To be honest I hate the child already. I am not a wicked person and I love children and the intensity with which I hate this other woman and her child really gets to me and makes me feel very wicked. It makes me talk and act irrational, all of which he would use against me when talking with the elders. He goes to her when we have an argument. She always texts him asking for money beyond their agreed monthly payments and calls him at odd hours which he never picks when I am there. He now complains about every bill he needs to pay in the house. I have never heard him talk to the woman, don't know what she and her daughter look or sound like or where they live. But she knows all about me since she hoped her pregnancy would take him away from me and he would marry her which unfortunately for both of us he did not. I wish he had.
I have become a very bitter and cynical person especially when they crop up. I am stable in every other thing and still approach life positively in other aspects of my life. But when they come up everything crumbles like a pack of cards.
My mother, the typical African woman she is, asks that I live like they do not exist, but how can I? It would have been easy if I had not married for love.
The other woman is just after his money according to what he said.To be honest she is getting the best of both worlds while I suffer and whither away.
I did not bargain for this at all. I always wanted a husband I would be one with after marriage. If he sincerely apologized and let me in to the goings on the other side it might make it easier but he really does not care. I am really trying to make my marriage work but it is taking too much from me.
He claims he has not cheated on me since we got married but it is just after marriage that I am finding out that he has slept with virtually every woman he knew by going through his texts and emails (he stores them like trophies). I have now become a neurotic busybody poring through his texts and emails at every opportunity. I hate what I am now.
It is just too early in my marriage to have problems like this isn't it?
I cry as I write this.
I need help before I do something crazy!

[Fr_Chuck]

Your choice, you share a home with him and live like husband and wife for a professional standing.

Or you if he will get into counseling and try to resolve the issues.

Or leave him, you knew enough long time ago not to marry him, have not even though he lied and cheated with no remorse, except being caught.

Many professionals live a loveless marriage for professional reaons. It is your choice.

[try to b hapi]

Your choice, you share a home with him and live like husband and wife for a professional standing.

or you if he will get into counseling and try to resolve the issues.

or leave him, you knew enough long time ago not to marry him, have not even though he lied and cheated with no remorse, except being caught.

Many professionals live a loveless marriage for professional reaons. it is your choice.

Thank you Chuck. Been thinking about the counseling bit.
I had no idea many professionals live loveless marriages. That's not very encouraging but insightful. I want only a love filled marriage. Professionalism does not matter to me and to correct you I did not know enough. Are you saying that it was a mistake to forgive him the first time?
The perception out there is that men are all the same and you should make the best of what you have and that is what I am trying to do against all odds. To be honest. I have not seen any married man around me that has not cheated or not ready to and that is very very scary.