[msvee87]

I am asking this question on here because I am not sure what to think at the moment and need an outsiders perspective. I have been dating my boyfriend for about 1 1/2 yrs now. About 8 months ago we had a break up because I found text messages he sent to his babymama that lead me to believe that he was not over her. He sounded hurt by their break up that happened 4yrs ago (she cheated on him in their own home then left him and moved to another state). He also dedicated a love song to her. I left him the night I found out.

I must add that prior to this break up we had been having many problems. He was very confused whether he wanted to be with me or not. He would be all over me for two weeks and then would completely disappear for days with no reason. I would also catch him talking to other girls. So the text messages I found was the last straw for me.

Six months went by of him telling me he was sorry and that he wanted another chance. I have very strong feelings for him and thought about it for quite sometime. So almost two months ago we got back together but I still have doubts in my mind that he never sorted through his feelings about her and may still have feelings for her. When we got back together he assured me that he doesn't want her but that they have a good relationship because of their son and that he loves me and wants to settle down with me (he had never said he loved me before).

Since I have my doubts and insecurities about it, I find myself constantly checking his phone now. There texts are mostly about the baby but at times they send each other random funny texts and they always thank each other for having the baby. She has a boyfriend but I guess they are having problems because they were talking about it. And nowhere does he ever mention me. I feel that they should only be talking about the baby, nothing more nothing less. He also tells her things he doesn't even tell me. At times he brings her up in random conversations, never really saying anything positive about her (which I think is a red flag).

However, he has been very different this time around. He takes me out on more dates, wants to spend a lot of time with me, opened up to me about personal things, and just over all made lots of efforts more then ever before. Does things for me that he has never done. He even told me he wanted to hang out with my family more,which he had never done before either. This is what confuses me. I want to ask him straight out since I am usually an honest person but I did go through his phone without him knowing. Do you think he still has feelings for her or am I just being too insecure? I just need some advice. I feel insecure because we would always be a on again off again couple.

[Burtney_682]

I am currently having the same issue, or similar, with my boyfriend. He has been secretly hanging out and talking to another woman. In both our cases, although yours is different because this woman is the mother of his child, we have to make a decision.

You have to decide whether you want to move on with this relationship, or if the trust issues are too much to handle. From what you have said it seems like this guy is being genuine. He had a tough time figuring out his feelings and was obviously very hurt by his ex. It must be very hard for him because he does need to stay in contact with her because of his son, but if the texts you have read have not had any romantic underline then I'm sure you have nothing to worry about. From my experience, checking his phone constantly and always wondering if he's interested in someone else is exhausting. My advice would be to either forgive and move on with a fresh start, or decide if you are unable to move past his behavior.

You have a right to be upset. Ignoring someone for days at a time, especially in a relationship, is very petty and selfish. I feel like as women, society tells us we are constantly overreacting and too sensitive. Instead of worrying if everyone else thinks you are insecure (I do this often), I would sit down and think about whether you are really happy with how the relationship is going.