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JJJ084 · Sep 5, 2012, 05:06 PM

My boyfriend and I have been together for four and a half years. We have had many ups and downs, many long, hard arguments, but we have gotten through them all, mainly because of the fact that we have so many years and memories behind us. He is a very jealous and somewhat controlling boyfriend; he hates when I talk to or hang out with other guys at all. This past weekend I went out with my girlfriends who ended up inviting some of their guy-friends.He showed up later and was completely uneasy and mad with me. When we got home (note:he has been DRUNK all day long) he accused me of wanting to sleep with them, immature, I know. He called me a slut, and I said I did not want him going out with us later that night. He then slapped me in the face and slammed me against the wall. I ran out bawling and have been staying with my dad since. I already signed his name off our previously shared apartment lease (we have been living together for 1.5 yrs now). I know that now is not the time to live together or try to work this out; I need time and space. Because of our super long history together I don't know how I will be able to completely forget him. I am wondering if I should just stick it out and abandon the relationship all together or if I should try to remain friends with him, with the POSSIBILITY of getting back together in the future. Four years is a long time, and since we lived together, I am having a really hard time adjusting to being alone. I know now is not the time, but would it be stupid of me to ever think about giving him another chance? Or friendship?

SArarara46 · Sep 5, 2012, 05:18 PM

You really need to have a serious talk with him stay calm and let him now your feelings your relationship seems like its worth recovering this is the first time you say well if it happens again definitely start thinking of moving on... anyway
You have to tell him you need some space and don't let him try and manipulate you into not having it you need to use this time to think over everything and decide if you want to spend the rest of your life with this guy make him know you are upset don't try and make him feel guilty this will drive him away and you need to have him there ready for your decision... be in control and goodluck I hope I helped

ArmstrongMiller · Sep 5, 2012, 08:35 PM

I am sorry to hear that. You need to communicate with him to know his real thoughts.Good luck.

teacherjenn4 · Sep 5, 2012, 08:47 PM

You need to end this relationship for good. He hurt you once and he will hurt you again. Do not give him another chance, ever! If you get back together, you may find yourself seriously hurt, or even dead. Sorry to be so blunt, but it is necessary.

odinn7 · Sep 5, 2012, 08:52 PM

What is wrong with you first 2 people who answered already? Did you not even read what she wrote?

The guy SLAPPED her and then SLAMMED HER against the wall! That is abuse! Talk to him? Figure out if you want to spend the rest of your life with him? Come on now! Ridiculous. I guess where you come from, it's OK to do this to women.

To the OP, you really should have called the police on him for what he did. There is no excuse for him having done this to you. The fact that he had been drinking all day is not an excuse at all. He should have been arrested.

You should be done with him and move on. You say he's jealous and controlling and now he has abused you physically rather than just mentally and emotionally. It's not going to get better... in fact, as time goes on, it's likely to get worse.

StrawberryHobo · Sep 5, 2012, 10:54 PM

My dear, you need to distance yourself from him permanently. Any man or woman who even for a second gets physical with their spouse will abuse them in the future, each time to higher degree. It is terrifying that you knew him for those years and lived with him only to now see his true colors. I'm sure there might have been signs of his abusive behavior throughout your relationship but being in love really does mask your other half's flaws. Really consider your options, maybe make a pro/con list? From experience doing that helped me see logically what my heart was blind too.

joypulv · Sep 6, 2012, 01:12 AM

His jealousy isn't going to stop, even if he promises a million times over to never hit you again. That has been going on all through the relationship. It can be charming at first, some sort of warped evidence of love, but it has nothing to do with love. It's selfish, possessive, and prevents you from having wide friendships, which is much more important.
So.. I don't see how he could ever be 'just friends.' Keep it a clean break with no contact.