[Corelli01]

My daughter has borderline personality disorder. I have always blamed myself for this and still do. I see a psychiatrist and a psychologist as she is not talking to me. She is angry that for a while there I was drinking alcohol to try to help myself to forget about the damage I must have done to her. She has a little daughter who loves me to bits but she won't talk to me and won't let me talk to my granddaughter. I know I was sometimes too stern with her when she was growing up. As a single parent with absolutely no support I sometimes got angry when she would blame me for her problems at school or her relationships with others. She would tell me she hated me and she hurt me a lot. I continue to put money into her account to help her with the rent. I email her as she has her mobile turned off all the time. I tell her how much I love her and my granddaughter and have apologised time and time again for anything that I have said that may have upset her. She texted me a few weeks ago and told me she has been advised to cut all ties with me. She said I was poison. She told me that my father loved her more than he loved me even though I looked after him. I have done everything I can for her but she won't talk to me. Last time it was a year that she didn't communicate with me. I don't know what to do either.

[Megamuffin]

She's hurt and can't rely on anything because she couldn't when you were a single parent to her. She's running from her problems, and thinks you are one of them. Send her small gifts for occasions like flowers and chocolates and cards, don't bug her too much, and send clothing to her daughter, stop putting money in her account, and she'll soon realise how much she misses you and needs you. Let her know you're here for her. Give her space, because right now she needs it most. And let her know you love her.

[Wondergirl]

Trying to buy her with gifts isn't a good idea. Back off for now and let things settle down. See a counselor for a few sessions to get your own ducks in a row before contacting her again.

[gmaof04]

At this point, your only option is to back off. However, I also agree with cutting off the financial backing. AND, at THIS point in time, you are doing the right thing by seeking counseling for yourself. I commend you for getting an ear to help you sort through this. My daughters are 31 and 29... believe me, I've been through a lot of the same things, and am still dealing with oldest child, who has 3 children. It is heartbreaking and exhausting, dealing with adult children sometimes. But we can't turn the clock back, hindsight is 20/20, etc... So take one day at a time, step back, and treat yourSELF with some compassion and patience. Our children did not walk in OUR shoes, but we know what their steps were, we watched them. So they speak of what they know nothing about, basically...
One day though, all the things they felt they would NEVER "do to" Their KIDS, that "happened" to them while growing up, they'll repeat, for the most part. Let's just hope they live by the things we taught them, that were important.
There are no simple answers, it takes work. (And sometimes a break from it all... )