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citylove77 · Jul 17, 2012, 07:17 PM

Ok, so I was dating this woman for about 8 months. It's started more physical. The last 6 months were more serious. I could tell right away she was very into me and started to fall for me, she even told me so. I was a bit reserved from my past relationships and just wanted to go slow, to ensure sincerity... she agreed.

So on a few occasions she became insecure with the fact I'm flirty and very talkative with people (as she is also) a few times was mentioned of our status and I always just told her I like you and I'm not interested in anyone, but I still want to go slow... mostly I wanted to see if my true feelings would come through getting to know her, not just sex. Her friends absolutely loved me from the get go and same for mine with her. We ALWAYS had a blast and make each other laugh.

But a few occasions she unleashed this jealous side of her and at times about her own friends. She apologized every time, admitting she was being dumb, and I swept it under the rug, and we moved on. So this happened one more time and I lost it. I completely shut done, stopped talking to her, and wouldn't talk about the issue when she wanted too. I just figured it's always going to be this way, and I was literally in to her, and I did nothing wrong.

So 4 weeks went by and we stopped talking. So I got to the point where the dust settled and I missed her and wanted to see her. We went out a week ago and had a great time, everything was the same, she laughed we had fun. At the end I asked her to spend the night she said she wasn't ready, I respected that. Talked the next day and told her how I was feeling and she said she was glad I opened up that she still cared for me too. Well that was Monday, come Wednesday she calls and tells me she wasn't completely honest and that when I was not answering her calls and responding to her wants and needs to resolve things (in a 4 week span) her Ex was back in the picture. She claims she thought we were completely over and the Ex "begged" for a chance with her again. I never imagined that things would just end and that's it, I feel I deserve a chance to make right on my wrongs for how I handled things, I didn't think I'd lose her...

To be CLEAR I told her how I was feeling and missing her BEFORE she dropped the bomb on me that he was back in the picture. We had talked a few days later and she said me and him are two great people who have different things to offer, she says: the ex is closed off but feelings she didn't know she had come back... and that I am the most fun she's ever had she has a great time with me, but it scares her with me and she's afraid to lose us both and it's a hard decision. Well as far as I know, she's seeing him, so she did make a decision. So I told her to really think about throwing a good thing with us away, and she said she needs time and space from me to think

So it's been 3 days, I have not contacted her, respecting the space, and she sends me a text "hey you...how are you" I waited to respond and "just said that I was staying busy and enjoying the day" a few more quick responses were made and that was it. So even though I'm respecting her space, what does she want from me? She knows full well how I feel and what I want. This is only complicating things. So I'm wondering if she just went to him in a time of need for comfort and it was familiar. And what chance do I have that she might actually choose me. I've been hurt, but don't express that completely when we have spoken, I expressed my feelings and still managed to make her laugh and smile.

Please help... Very confused

Enigma1999 · Jul 18, 2012, 03:52 PM

Give her time and space that she has requested...

Homegirl 50 · Jul 18, 2012, 07:50 PM

I think she may have contacted you to say hello and that's all.
You never gave her any reason to feel you were really in to her and when she left all of a sudden you really care?
Maybe she was never really over the ex.
Leave her alone and move on.

here2assist · Jul 19, 2012, 01:57 PM

Don't initiate any contact and when and if she contacts you make sure to express how well you're doing. When you give people space it only gives them room to get closer. Go about your business and you'll find out very quickly where her heart lies. You may want to set a time limit in your head and if she doesn't come around by that time you can consciously make an effort to move on.

talaniman · Jul 19, 2012, 02:38 PM

Let her resolve her feelings with the ex without your influence, and have a life you enjoy without her. A red flag that she goes back to the ex,and maybe you were the distraction she needed at the time. Who knows? But don't get caught up in her confusion at all.

Deal with your own feelings and your own life, and don't waste time dwelling on hers.