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divira · Jul 3, 2012, 04:22 PM

I lost my virginity over rape when I was 15 and at the same year again I was a victim 4 da second time,- never told anyone about this until last month when I told my boyfrwd about it because I ddnt want him to marry me without knowing the truth.Ever since I told him he's been acting all strange on me he doesn't love me like he use too he can't even touch me or even kiss me... I tried to confront him about it he told me he's scared that this might affect our future and he wants us to have a emotionally relationship wit me I'm afraid he views me in the different way... all I needed frm him was comfort and security but now I only got back to those insecurities I had I feel rejected,useless,unworthy and I blame myself for telling him because now I feel I'm going to loose him had I didn't tell him we will still ne good... :e suggested that I must see a therapist and I told him I was fine because I ddnt want him to think I'm weak but now I'm depressed and scared that my past will affect me and that evry man won't love me bcoz of this mark I have on what should I do to understand our situation am I going to loose him and how do I keep him tooo?

mmresd · Jul 3, 2012, 04:31 PM

Give him some time to process the news, something like that is not taken lightly. Give him his space and make him make his decision, if he loves you, he will look past it and be with you no matter what, if he doesn't, he will bail. His decision will tell you something very important as to how much he values this relationship, let him make it on his own.

joypulv · Jul 3, 2012, 04:32 PM

Some men don't have what it takes to understand, to care, to express how they feel. If he would go to therapy with you, that would be best. He's the one who needs to explore his feelings (and it probably wouldn't hurt for you to as well).
We can't predict if you will lose him or not. I would not confront him any more, just be sort of quiet and maybe withdraw a little, so he can see without words that this is affecting you. Hopefully he will miss the you he fell in love with and talk about it.

divira · Jul 3, 2012, 04:40 PM

Originally Posted by mmresd

Give him some time to process the news, something like that is not taken lightly. Give him his space and make him make his decision, if he loves you, he will look past it and be with you no matter what, if he doesn't, he will bail. His decision will tell you something very important as to how much he values this relationship, let him make it on his own.

If loose him now must I tell the other I will be with about this or keep it a secret?

divira · Jul 3, 2012, 04:43 PM

Was I wrong to tell him the truth?

joypulv · Jul 3, 2012, 04:48 PM

There's no must! Each person will be different, and you need to get to know him really well, and then decide when and if he is ready to hear it. Rape isn't one of those subjects I'd bring up early in a relationship. Also, I don't agree that a woman needs to tell this to a man 'before he marries her' as though she is tainted and he might want to change his mind based on it. He is supposed to love her, love her past, unless she was a criminal! You weren't. The rapes aren't YOU. You didn't do them.

divira · Jul 3, 2012, 04:55 PM

Next time I must avoid telling ma boyfriend about it before marriage? How do guys feel when they've told about such issues by their GF? I want to know hw he feels

Alty · Jul 3, 2012, 05:14 PM

Originally Posted by divira

Next time I must avoid tellin ma bf bout it b4 marriage? How do guys feel when they've told about such issues by their GF? I jst wanna knw hw he feels

I can't speak for your boyfriend, every guy is different.

When I told my husband (then boyfriend) about my past he held me, told me he loves me, and that he'll always be there for me. Yes, he was in shock, and he was upset, not at me, but for me.

It depends on the guy. Some guys can't handle the thought of their girlfriend being raped, or of being with someone else even if it wasn't by choice.

Personally, I wouldn't want to be with a guy that can't be supportive about something like this. If he can't accept it then it's good that you found that out now.

Fr_Chuck · Jul 3, 2012, 05:25 PM

Also where do you live, is this a culture or nationality that required you ( or wants you) to be a virgin at the wedding ?

Have you told him how his actions are making you feel worst ?