[Man30]

We are a young couple who have a 2 year old daughter, our relationship is coming to an end as we appear to be completely incompatible for each other now.

How likely is it our daughter will turn our messed up if we don't stay together. Is it better to soldier on and try to fix the relationship?

[cjk888]

We are a young couple who have a 2 year old daughter, our relationship is coming to an end as we appear to be completely incompatible for each other now.

How likely is it our daughter will turn our messed up if we don't stay together. Is it better to soldier on and try to fix the relationship?

This is the hardest thing you will ever have to do because you want things to work but there is no quick fix. I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 4 years in which we have a 2 year old daughter as well, we lived together etc, after we decided to split she moved out and it was all a big mistake I wish it never happened. We are back together now and I couldn't be happier. I suggest if you live together have a break from each other stay at someone's house for a couple of weeks if the heart doesn't grow fonder like mine did then you know it won't work and just move on. Your child will not be affected as long as you see her as much as possible she is only 2 and will not understand. I live separate to my girlfriend now but are still together and my daughter just says I have 2 houses and loves to stay at mine every other weekend and doesn't even ask about anything.

O hope this helped a bit as I was in the same boat.

[3kidsnadog]

You're asking such a good question. It is truly a heart-wrenching decision you are facing... made even harder because of a little one involved. I really feel for you!

Through my work with Focus on the Family, I came across this article that gives some stats/info on how divorce affects kids... might help as you think through what to do? You can find it here if you'd like to check it out.

Obviously, I don't know your whole situation, or the factors that have led you to decide to break up. But, it might not be a bad idea to seek out a professional counselor who could at least give you some outside perspective and help as you make decisions and go forward from here.

I hope you get some good counsel and answers... best wishes to you!

[Man30]

Thanks cjk888 & 3kidsnadog.

It has been the toughest week of my life so far without any doubt. I've dragged myself through work this week and tried to put on a brave face only to break down in tears each night when I get in to an empty home. I miss so much my little girl running up to me when I open the door. I've do love my ex, but I would say I'm not in love with her. I'd only ever want her to be happy but we are so incompatible for each other I know its not realistic that the relationship will be work.
We did make a desperate attempt at counselling, went to one session and didn't go back. My partner also has depression, and was given a prescription for it from the doctor but did not get the meds from the chemist.

I think, as cjk888 said, we need a break - I do think she wants to be with other men since I've not been interested in being intimate with her quite a while now.

The last thing I want is for my little princess to turn out a failure like 3kidsanadog pointed out in that article because of this one big life decision.

[Fr_Chuck]

If a couple can get counseling and find the love and work things out ( that is not staying together for the baby) that is actually making it work, that is always better.

Staying together, always fighting, and not getting alone, that is no life for a child.

[talaniman]

I think it depends on how the parents handle their child after a divorce/break up. You might be incompatible as a couple, but can work together as good parents. I think that's the real goal. This is a tough one, but if you both put your child first an a healthy environment, with love from you both, no reason why that child cannot thrive and grow in a healthy well adjusted way.

[cjk888]

I believe there is 35% of children now who don't have there perents together so I'm sure they are not all going to be messed up otherwise we are in a lot of trouble, kids only turn out bad if both perents don't work hard to see them.

[3kidsnadog]

Man30... it is obvious that you love your daughter to death, and that both of you will continue to show her that unconditional love whatever you decide to do as a couple. That is sooo important! I didn't mean to make you feel that your daughter was doomed to failure if you divorce... I know that sometimes breakups happen, and you can't always make it work like you'd hoped. Hang in there... I know these are hard times... we're here for you!