[lnm33950]

Ok so my fiancé and I have been dating since October 2011 and engaged since April of this year. He is in the army reserve and his dad is a Deputy and I am in the process of getting a job as a cop. We both have type A personalities and but heads a lot. We both truly love each other a lot and hate to be away from each other but we fight/argue a lot.

The problem is that we both will say what's on our minds and will continue to argue back and forth. I soon realized that arguing was tiresome and it got us nowhere so I try not to get into things that will cause arguments.

But from me doing that, when I say "ok" he wants to be like, "thats all you can say" or "you say ok when you know your going to lose the argument and want to stop". This makes me feel horrible because I'm trying to stop the arguing rather than us getting meaner and meaner in what were arguing about. An I also realize if its my opinion vs. His that neither of us are going to change so I just stop bickering over the topic because nobody is going to change their opinion.

He also makes me feel bad a lot with this topic and I usually cry. This is how a conversation through text went:
I asked him to come to my house since he never comes over that often and I've been out to his almost all week so the conversation started as this:

Me: "why you make it sound like its a pain. You never come over to my house anymore"
Him: "It's not a pain and I'm usually there."
Me: "Ok"---I knew if I continued to say anything it would start an argument, and if I don't acknowledged his texts he gets mad so I said OK.
Him: "?". "Why do you do that? U ask me a question then when I answer all you say is ok"
Me: "I say ok so you know I acknowledged you."
Him: Okay but still its like you get me going in a conversation then just stop as if you don't care anymore"
Me: "I didn't know that the conversation needed to be continued and that wasn't my intention."
Him: " It just seems like that happens a lot, Anyway what are you up to?"


This kind of thing happens in person and through text. I just don't know what to do about it because when I start crying or tell him about this he realizes he was mean and apologizes and says he wants nothing but me to be happy.

Also every once in a while he tells me that I'm doing something that's irritating him and he doesn't know why it is. This is usually when I'm not even doing anything and we aren't arguing and then he feels bad that he is feeling this way and I don't know what to do or say because I'm in fact most likely just sitting and talking with him.

So I need some advice on what to do, I have told him how he is mean to me and always throws things back in my face, like "well you do it too" and it just makes me feel horrible and I hate arguing because my mom is always saying well how you going to make a marriage work and all that...

Please help!

Thanks,
Troubled Fiancé

[mmresd]

One of two things, either you just stop arguing and ignore him when he wants to start something. Or, you can break up with this controlling guy before he becomes abusive in more ways than over the phone.

[C0bra_M3nace]

This is a touchy subject, because to be honest, there's really nothing you can do to stop arguments. He seems like a guy with a lot of anger built up inside him, which for someone in the reserve, is more common than you think. Sit down and ask yourself, "Why is it that we argue?" Think long and hard, your solution will either tell you that you two are not compatible, or there's something you're both doing wrong. If you're not compatible, you're not compatible, plain and simple and maybe you should discuss parting. If you guys are just doing something wrong, whatever it may be I'm saying something because I don't know, talk to him about it. Sit him down and discuss what needs to be discussed.

[talaniman]

So in 7 months you are engaged and still haven't learned to talk together? Don't get married until you do. Ya think maybe you rushed into this a bit? I do. You should be having fun learning about each other.

You better pay attention to getting engaged to a fellow you argue with so much after ONLY 7 months. I mean slow down and find out why he is who he is, and why you cannot talk instead of fight over... whatever is the topic.