[gadgetmaven]

My husband and I have been married for 25 years and I have known him for 35 years. I met him when I was 16 and he was 17 years old. We always had a great relationship and marriage until he had an affair. I never got over his betrayal and don't trust him anymore. I have never forgiven him nor can I forget what he did to me. I would never cheat on him. He ruined everything that I valued most in my life. Once I started feeling happy again, his father died and he shut me out and started having an emotional affair with a former employee. Now all we do is fight, which is something we never did. My kids are relatively young and this is starting to affect them. I am currently a stay-at-home mom but was a professional until I stopped working. I don't have my own income and am dependent on his. If I leave, I will have nothing and my kids will be worse off. I just don't know what to do. Any suggestions?

[DoulaLC]

I would seriously consider marriage counseling. You won't get passed this on your own the way things are going. Counseling may help you both deal with what happened and why. If you haven't really dealt with it, and have only argued or avoided discussing it, it will fester indefinitely as you have seen.

No one would expect you to forget, but you may, in time, be able to forgive. You may not. At the very least, counseling will let you know that you tried everything you could think of to work at your marriage and try to turn things around.

If he won't go, go on your own to help yourself heal. You will then be stronger, and wiser. If, in the end, you decide to end the marriage, consult with an attorney before you do anything.

[Genis]

My parents fight everyday and they are in the same sitatuion. To be totally honest, it could destroy your children. But you see, this fighting this affair it happened, and I know how it feels to be lied to believe I die a bit inside when I think of my boyfriends lie, but I will suggest this one thing; dance. Go out some where with your husband, I don't care your living room, any where and just have a romanctic slow dance. Everything is so saimple in the eyes of a child, and finding love to me is taking a deep breath, having a slow dance and letting everything go. I know I sound insane and maybe I am young, but I think children can see things so simple, and your situation in my eyes can be fixed. Goodluck, please don't let your relationship become like the other half of society. Anything can be fixed.