[abi58]

My husband calls his mother numerous times EVERY day. If he doesn't she is calling him. She is first person he talks to every day. Never does he go to bed without talking to her first. He/we see her every day, we only have dinner there, (she lives 2 blocks away. She supports us more than he does, meaning he doesn't make enough money to pay bills, but does not want me to work for anyone but him(he is a photographer). She is very comfortable having him see her naked, and almost seems to like it? / I will walk in and she will be sitting very provacatively. Now that she has become ill, she has him taking her to toilet and is very comfortable having him shower her. He doesn't seem to be uncomfortable with it, although I don't think he has a sexual attraction to her. Its just weird. She has cancer now and has mestastsised to her brain and she has decided to take no more treatment. I know that she has only months to live. Should I just keep quiet and keep the peace? I kind of feel like its too late. Will things be OK after she dies or will he find someone to replace her? He seems devoted to me also. I just have always taken second seat to her. Am I setting myself up to be hurt? And even left once she dies?

[Homegirl 50]

How long have you two been married. Did you notice this before hand or only since she has been supporting the two of you and has been ill?

[talaniman]

She is dying! Say nothing, and let him do what he can to take care of her, and just keep telling yourself, ITS NOT ABOUT YOU! Put your fears, and insecurities aside and support, and appreciate his efforts. He in all likely hood would do the same for you, if you got terminally ill.

[abi58]

Thank you for your reply... I probably should have written that I have no intentions at this point to DO anything/say anything about my feelings. We have been married 3 years and only after 3 months of dating. I guess I was just raised so strictly about modesty and acceptable behavior regarding "family" I wonder if it's my imagination or what? No I didn't see the problem before we married, but his niece also accused him of inappropriate behavior. I also don't want to stick my head in the sand. Regardless of his mother's financial help.

[Wondergirl]

My husband's homebound mother is 92 and refuses to go into a nursing home, so it falls to him as her only child living close by to care for her. He shops for her, makes sure she has meals that are easy to prepare, cleans up after her, does her laundry. I can't imagine if your husband's mother has a terminal illness (cancer that has spread to her brain?? ) that she is pushing her sexuality on him.

Why aren't you helping her bathe and toilet and with other personal female things?

Like someone said, if he cares for her so well, he will do the same for you someday, if it comes to that.