[fayevalentine]

Is there hope?

I am in my late 20's and I have never been in a real relationship. I have usually avoided making any ties with men mainly because I always find something wrong or don't find him compatible. In the last two years I have consciously made an effort to be more open. I have been on more dates but have yet to keep a guy interested. I am a pretty confident person. I am smart, great sense of humor and I'm genuinely a fun person to hang out with. This is not me pulling a Guy Smiley routine. I've been told I'm a guys girl. I have guy humor.

Anyway, lately I meet a guy and we hit it off. I try to keep my sarcasm and smart-*** mouth in check and just try to be fun. Unfortunately, then the guy seems to just disappear or not return my texts. I keep sex out of the equation until I feel comfortable with the guy.

The latest guy threw me for a loop. We met back in February while I was completely hammered. We made out and he helped me back to my friends place. He actually stayed the night because (my friends explained) he was concerned about me. It wasn't until a few weeks later that we met up again. Here we exchanged numbers. He waited more than a week to text me. Once he did we texted everyday because he always texted me the next day. He moved here from out-of-state a few months ago and recently ended an engagement. Recently meaning they were together a total of 5 months and ended it after she cheated within a month of moving here.

We met up with all our friends a week later and he was glued to me. The following week we went on a dinner date. He picks me up and pays for everything including the movie after dinner. Then he drops me off at home. Perfect gentleman with some kissing to end the night. We are still texting everyday. He now includes texts about how he misses me. Then we hang out again. Just hanging out. We watched TV at his place with some kissing but nothing else. Then he wants to meet up again within a few days. We do, he takes me out for dinner and head back to his place and we have sex. It was great. He was actually trying to convince me to stay the night. I resisted and went home.

From here it goes down hill. He texts me the next day just like normal. Everything seems perfectly fine. He even brings up hanging out with his friends. Then the following day he still texts me but it's not our usual exchange. We only exchange a few text messages before he stops answering any of my questions.

The following day I have to text him because I don't hear from him. I got some responses to my texts but he just gives me short responses. That was the last day. I finally caved and texted him a week later to try to figure this out. No answer. Fine it's done. The following weekend his FB status says "in a relationship". Two weeks later a mutual friend tells me that Mr. X confessed to him in a drunken state that he still cares about me and feels guilty. Apparently our relationship was moving to fast. It became too real and that regrets his decision. I've deleted his number and recently de-friended him.

I think I still like him but I refuse to hold out for him. I'm not a fragile sensitive girl but I just need an answer.

Is there really such a thing as "right girl-wrong time"? For any other women, could this have gone differently some how? Can guys just cut ties but still care about a girl? Should I hope that he'll realize his stupidity and come crawling back to ask for forgiveness? Is it possible that I can scare not just him, but other guys by being too amazing? Really?

[I wish]

As cliché as this sounds, you just haven't meet the right guy yet.

For this most recent guy, it might have felt right at first, but as you got to know each other better, you started to drift apart. Whether he found another girl or he still has feelings for you, the point is, it doesn't sound like he feels the same way anymore as he did in the beginning. Furthermore, he's had at least 3 known girls in his life within a very short period, his finance, you and this new girlfriend. It sounds to me that he hasn't figured out what he wants yet, so he's keeping his options open. If he was sure about you, he would have dropped everything else and focused on you, which he didn't.

Going forward, I think that you're taking a good approach by meeting more people and giving them a chance to go on a date. But you can't expect to be compatible with every single guy out there.

You actually only need to be compatible with that one special guy. It might take a little longer to find that one guy, but you will find it as long as you keep giving them a chance for at least a first date.

Just keep in mind that even though the first few dates may go well, as you get to know each other, you will have a clearer idea on whether you are compatible long term. And it's not that something went wrong along the way, it's that you weren't that compatible in the first place, but you just needed time to figure it out.

[fayevalentine]

Thank you so much for the advice. I think at the time I knew we may not be totally compatible, but since he did the disappearing act he left me wanting more. I think I try to force myself now to be more forgiving so I ignore the small warning flags.

[talaniman]

He moved here from out-of-state a few months ago and recently ended an engagement. Recently meaning they were together a total of 5 months and ended it after she cheated within a month of moving here.

That alone was fair warning how fast HE moves. Hey it was fun while it lasted, on to the next adventure.