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reup1631 · Feb 22, 2012, 02:37 PM

My husband has a co worker who is fairly new to his company and after only a few months of knowing him she gave him a cd of love songs with focus on her favorite track on the cd. I thought that was a bit much and told him to be careful with this lady. He did not think much of it and kind of blew my comments off. Then she contacted him on the phone for help with work and they were on speaker phone and she started talking real suggestive so much to the point I walked in a told him if he didn't check her... I would! He stated he thought that's just the way she is. So now I get a package in the mail around valentines with 5 boxes of chocolate and a card with hearts on the front with crazy talk like "she will treasure everything he has done for her at work for the rest of her life." Today I demanded he report her to HR is this wrong?

JudyKayTee · Feb 22, 2012, 02:42 PM

I think your part in this is wrong. This is your husband's employment. Therefore, it's your husband's problem.

Why isn't he stopping it by talking to her (or why didn't he talk to her before this)? I don't understand why you are in a position where you have to demand that he report her to HR.

Just as a side issue - what HR "rule" is she breaking? She may be slightly crazy, totally crazy, madly in love with your husband or something else - but unless this is a workplace problem and reflects in her work (or unless such contact is against HR rules), I don't see that HR will do anything but tell your husband to tell her to stop. Your husband did nothing after the suggestive conversation?

Or is this going on in the workplace?

I'd be more concerned why he isn't talking to her about her inappropriate behavior.

odinn7 · Feb 22, 2012, 02:53 PM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I'd be more concerned why he isn't talking to her about her inappropriate behavior.

Right... my thoughts as well.

You keep talking about how you need to tell him to do this and do that but why? Why hasn't he realized that this is a problem? It makes me somewhat suspicious of his intentions.

reup1631 · Feb 22, 2012, 03:05 PM

I left it to him to handle and I was very clear when I told him to check her about her gushy commemts.We both were taken back when her gifts came to our home. And when another woman starts sending gifts to my house, to my husband, that's when it became my problem! My husband holds a high position at work and other really respect him. He expressed to me how awkward she's made him feel and he did not want to accuse her of anything wrong until she sent the gifts through the mail. That when she crossed the line. That we both agreed on and he has taken it to HR and they are now going to deal with her. We don't feel she should lose her job but needs to understand boundaries. This woman is in her late 40's and married, she should know better.

JudyKayTee · Feb 22, 2012, 05:44 PM

Originally Posted by reup1631

I left it to him to handle and I was very clear when I told him to check her about her gushy commemts.We both were taken back when her gifts came to our home. And when another woman starts sending gifts to my house, to my husband, that's when it became my problem! My husband holds a high position at work and other really respect him. He expressed to me how awkward shes made him feel and he did not want to accuse her of anything wrong until she sent the gifts through the mail. That when she crossed the line. That we both agreed on and he has taken it to HR and they are now going to deal with her. We don't feel she should lose her job but needs to understand boundaries. This woman is in her late 40's and married, she should know better.

Here's my problem - YOU were very clear when YOU TOLD HIM to check her - ?

She makes him feel awkward, he's in a high position at work and he couldn't handle this?

Again, I don't understand the "both" in your question (it appears to be his problem), but if your husband doesn't know how to handle the situation maybe you need to step in and help him.

My husband is also in a "high position at work" (as are many of us who post here) and the knee jerk reaction is to tell her not to call, have an Attorney tell her to knock off her behavior, return the gifts with a note saying "This is inappropriate."

I am very interested in HR stepping in - because I post on the legal boards and this is a situation which could really turn confrontational and put the employer right on the firing line. What type of business? Contract employment or union?