[lakerguy23]

Hello,

My fiancé and I have been together for nearly 10 years. We met in college as sophomores and have a 6 year old son together. Our relationship has been great. We hit a rough patch around 4 years ago when she needed a "break" and I went NC and we ended up working things out after about 4 weeks. Things have been great for the majority of our relationship.

However, the past couple of months she has been really depressed. She has mentioned several times in the past few months that she needs anti depressants. She sleeps all day sometimes and doesn't want to be bothered or show interest in anything. She will cry out of nowhere for no reason in particular and tell me she's just upset. Lately she's stated over and over again that she hates her job and hates how she looks. No matter how much I tell her how good she looks or how beautiful she is it doesn't matter.

Everything came to a head last Sunday. She went to her mothers house for the day with our son, and I stayed behind. We texted all day nothing out of the ordinary. She arrived home and was telling me everything that they did at her mom's and within 5 minutes she started crying and stormed out of the house. I called her to see what was going on and she said she's unhappy with her job, unhappy with herself, and unhappy with our relationship.

This totally threw me for a loop because she had just left me a handwritten letter a 3 days before about how she can't live without me and I'm her everything! I'm totally devastated and do not know what to do. She said she needs space. Everything is further complicated by the fact that we live together in a home we purchased just 3 years ago. We also bought a new car about 5 months ago that is in both of our names. We still stay in the same house and she texts me from work every night. Even telling me she loves me. I don't know what to do! This week has been hell and its not getting any better. What should I do? I have suggested going to talk to someone together whether it be a pastor or therapist and she refuses!

Sorry for the length!

[Schoolmarm97]

I'm not a doctor, but I am a woman, and I've been through a similar situation. She needs to see a doctor. That sounds suspiciously like a hormone imbalance, and such events can often signal really disastrous changes. I'm not trying to scare you, but her symptoms are not something to be ignored. If she'll listen to you, perhaps you can offer to make an appointment and even go with her. Ovarian cysts, cancers, and various other disorders can all offer the behaviors you're describing. Before you seek counseling, seek medical advice. Please. Do this for both of you.

[lakerguy23]

Schoolmarm97 thank you for your response. She constantly complains of side pains and has been diagnosed with a large cyst on her right ovary about 4 years ago. Every time she eats she gets terrible stomach pains. As much as I insist she go see a doctor she refuses and says she will. I suggested that she see a doctor because I'm concerned about her behavior being irratic and that has made the situation worse. She lashed out at me about even thinking she has a hormone problem. I admit that some of her unhappiness in our relationship stems from my inability to leave work stress at work, but I can't fathom the idea of loving someone one day and 3 days later totally ignoring them. She still wears her engagement ring and like I said a few days this week we have conversed like none of this has gone on. I'm trying to honor her request for space and I truly don't believe someone else is involved. I'm trying so hard to keep my family together, but its taking a toll on me and my son. I can't focus at work or at home.

[talaniman]

DUDE, what part of get your female to a doctor is it you don't understand? Get her mom to help, her girlfriends whatever. Just get her to see a doctor.

If she refuses to go, do what ever it takes, whatever you have to say, and no more of your wimpy excuses, GOT IT??

[Schoolmarm97]

Seriously... that is the answer. You need to do whatever it takes. As talaniman said, get her girlfriends to help you if you have to, or her parents or whoever is close to her. There's nothing else you can do. I suppose if you got her to agree to counseling with a GOOD therapist, THAT person might convince her, but she could be very ill by then.