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dididarara · Jan 26, 2012, 04:25 AM

So, I've been dating this girl for 2 years now, we are both 16 although she's a bit older than me. So the other day she asks me to hold her phone and I noticed that she was talking to some guy that she met a couple a days ago. We had arranged to meet in the weekend to study and just be together but at the last minute she starts to try to bail me off and go to see this guys game which really pissed me off, but after we talked she decided to not go to the game and be with me.

The next day we sort of fight because of her being texting some other guy and she eventually came to me and asked for some time to put herself together as she was really confused. She tells me that she doesn't want to be in a relationship right now but that she hasn't forgot how good I was to her all this time and that I still mean a lot to her. We are at the same class so we have to see each other every day. What should I do? I really really love her and I know that deep down she loves me too. What can I do?

Schoolmarm97 · Jan 26, 2012, 10:04 AM

The big problem you're facing is that you're 16. You feel very adult, and you're sure this is love, and if a teenager believes it's love, he doesn't have enough world experience to judge whether that's true. That's a very difficult emotional place to be in. I don't envy you! I'm MUCH older than 16, and I still have dreams now and then about the "guy that got away" when I was your age... and about the second "great love" of my life, and the third. Believe me, my choices got better as I got older and learned more about life, and so will yours. Right now you can't even imagine who you will be in five years. Truly. I kid you not!

Traditional wisdom is that girls mature more quickly than boys, and as much as you may care for (and be attracted to on many levels) your girlfriend, she may simply be outgrowing you. At 16, you're not in a position to make a permanent commitment, and statistically, the odds are against your staying together beyond graduation if either of you leaves the area. I think you would be smart to back off a bit and realize that she's not on the same page anymore. It's very sad to go through such heartache--the kind of sadness that stays in your heart as a memory for a lifetime--so don't expect to just walk away without scars. But until you are older, more experienced, and ready to really create a life with someone, you will go through many similar experiences. It's part of the pain of growing up and learning about people and life.

Don't waste too much of your final high school years trying to recapture this relationship. Move on and look around at the other possibilities. It's a good time to focus on your own future.

Good luck!

Jimmy78 · Jan 26, 2012, 10:54 AM

Walk away and find someone who wants to be with you, she just wants her cake and eat it to.

talaniman · Jan 26, 2012, 11:42 AM

Sorry guy, but she dumped you politely, so you man up, and let her go. A girl that loves you doesn't ask for a break or space.

Be polite in class but ignore her basically, because you want to keep your dignity, and self respect, and not act all emo, and wimpy. Best friends is just a way to get your attention, keep you around and hoping, and leave the door open for when she is bored, other options don't work, or she just needs attention.

dididarara · Jan 26, 2012, 12:38 PM

But we really go along really well and since our fight we have been togheter lots of time and we even got to the point of kissing each other.

We are having fun together and I know she's liking my company and she is thankfull for me giving her space and time to put herself together

Schoolmarm97 · Jan 26, 2012, 12:51 PM

You are both 16! You've been together since you were 14! Of course it's easy to slip back into kissing and the other stuff because it's a well-formed habit you got into far too young. That doesn't make it good or give it any hope of longevity. If you want to let her use you as a fall-back position, that's your choice. But as I said already, you're burning daylight. You only have... what?. two more years of high school? One? Are you going to spend it following her around like a lost puppy, knowing that after graduation you'll most likely be done anyway? Or will you opt to spend the time on more interesting pursuits? Your choice.

talaniman · Jan 26, 2012, 01:01 PM

Originally Posted by dididarara

But we really go along really well and since our fight we have been together lots of time and we even got to the point of kissing each other.

We are having fun together and I know shes liking my company and she is thankfull for me giving her space and time to put herself together

So what's the problem? You seem satisfied with what she gives you, and you may as well be because that's all she will give you. Isn't that enough?

dididarara · Jan 27, 2012, 04:29 AM

No, its not enough. I spent almost every day of the last 2 years with her. Just the thought that she might never say that she loves me makes me want to die. I gave everything to this girl and I don't feel like I deserve this. I simply cannot believe that the feelings she had for me could be gone just like that

Schoolmarm97 · Jan 27, 2012, 07:59 AM

I know that from the perspective of 16, 2 years is an amazingly long time--it's an 8th of your life, after all--which is why you need to stop fantasizing about this and move on. You and she got together when you were both at a very fragile developmental stage, when you were learning to separate from your parents, so you bonded closely as surrogate family. But it's time to look ahead to the long term. It's traumatic, but it has to be done.

I spent 25 years teaching high school. I am still in touch with a bunch of my students. I can count on ONE HAND how many of them stayed with their high school sweethearts after graduation, and fewer than that are still together, say, 10 years later. Trust me, this is not the end of your love life by a long shot. :) Move on, and you'll be amazed at how wide open the field really is. Besides, you have no choice. She's cut you loose. What are you going to do, make a career of waiting for her?

talaniman · Jan 27, 2012, 04:00 PM

Originally Posted by dididarara

No, its not enough. I spent almost every day of the last 2 years with her. Just the thought that she might never say that she loves me makes me wana die. I gave everything to this girl and I dont feel like I deserve this. I simply cannot believe that the feelings she had for me could be gone just like that

I know you are hurt and disappointed that her feelings have changed, but that's common with teenage females, AND MALES, for that matter, its just that YOUR feeling didn't change and you didn't see it coming. SOCKING to you, but deserves have nothing to do with it. What you thought she was going to feel like you do forever?

Back up and give yourself a chance fella, and leave her alone for a while, and do other things, at least until the emotional dust has settled. Who knows, she may miss you enough to actually want you back.

Right now for sure she doesn't have to even be your girfriend to have your complete undivided attention.