[ShyDreamer00]

My daughter since she was born has almost always spent one weekend night at my parents' house. It was great at first because it gave me a break, and ,as long as my fiancé didn't work, we would have a date night.

However, as she got older and developed, we started noticing certain behaviors while at nana and pa's... she follows my mom around constantly (if she knows my mom is in the house, she tries to find her), she throws temper tantrums to get her way (and they let her), she is way more clingy and whines, plus she prefers my mom over anyone and throws a fit when we have to leave or separate her from Grandma. My dad is there too and has a bond with her, but not to the degree that my mom does. Is this normal behavior at this age?

We are really considering starting to limit the time she has there, not only because of the behavior problems, but she also doesn't seem to sleep well there (she will come back from their house and need a 4-hour nap when she normally takes a 2-hour one). I know my mom has helped to create some of the problems, but I don't believe it is all her fault, and I don't want to hurt them by saying my daughter isn't able to spend the night anymore.

What I want to do is let them have her for a few hours instead of the whole night, but any suggestions or advice would be helpful :)

[JudyKayTee]

I am very, very attached to my (step) Grandson who is approximately this same age.

His mother doesn't have a problem; I don't have a problem; my husband doesn't have a problem.

I would be grateful that your daughter loves her Grandmother and that the Grandmother loves her back. I don't see the problem with a longer nap than usual.

If you want your child to be raised ONLY with your rules, then don't ask your parents to babysit so you and your fiancé (presumably the child's father) can have time alone.

So at this stage she prefers your mom over "anyone," possibly including you. This is your issue, not your mother's, not your child.

[Eileen G]

It sounds pretty normal to me.

Rather than limit the time she spends there (after all, this routine has been in place for her entire life), why not bring in some ground rules that apply in your parents' house as well as at home? Explain to your parents that these are the rules that you apply, and you would find it helpful if she applied them as well. Things like no whining or tantrums. Or, since it's virtually impossible to prevent toddlers doing this at all, have a consistent reaction to when she does.

If she whines, and you tell her she can't have what she wants until she stops whining, but your mother gives her what she wants, then of course, she's going to whine at your mother's.

As for the sleep, I wouldn't worry about it. It could be something as simple as the different heat levels in your houses.

[ShyDreamer00]

Thank you for your advice and help regarding the issue :) I figured that this was typical behavior and the only issue that I have with it, is the behavior problems as she doesn't act like that with anyone or anywhere else (and my daughter is in daycare 5 days a week) besides the temper-tantrums on occasion. I don't care that she prefers my mother, but rather how her behavior is which is why I was thinking of limiting the time. We've had the talk with my mom about her behavior previously and my mom has yet to change anything (sorry, I should have stated that earlier).
JudyKayTee: I just wanted to say that we are very appreciative of how my parents love and care for her. Also, I feel that my parents should at least respect my major rules because since they haven't so far we always have a day or two of my daughter thinking its OK to behave the way she does at home with us as she does at my grandparents-I would think its better to have consistency rather than too much difference. Also, we really have barely asked my mom and dad to babysit since my fiancé normally works Friday and Saturday nights-my mom calls every week asking when she can get her grand-daughter over the weekend. Like I said, its not an issue with them loving her or her loving them, but rather the behavior issue. Thank you for your point of view though, I do appreciate it.

[JudyKayTee]

Because you aren't in prison I assume your mother did a good job raising you by her rules.

Let he continue those rules where your daughter is concerned.

I, for example, don't think mealtime should be a battleground. My stepdaughter does - he eats or he sits there and it goes on and on. He doesn't want to eat? Fine. He'll eat something else later (not junk food), nothing specially prepared (yogurt, something similar) and then she can argue with him at the next meal.

Can you tell I was RAISED by grandparents?