[OrionRN]

For almost 7 years I have been raising my husband's legal son. It is questionable as to paternity but my husband was told it was his so he signed and as loved the child since day one. The birth mother bounced him from her parents to her to some camp for behavior until he was 8. Then she signed her rights to the state and my husband was contacted to see if he wanted custody. She had kept him from both his children for years. He couldn't find them until the state contacted him. She kept the older child which was a girl. So I do understand that he had a lot of issues until the age of 8. He has been in a stable and loving home ever since.

He steals, lies about everything regardless of how small, he tries to manipulate people, she is never sorry for his behaviors, he does have ADHD, he lacks empathy, he feels life is not fair to him even though his choices are always the wrong one, has no impulse control, he is irresponsible, he is very unrealistic in his expectations, he talks of himself in gradios terms which unfortunately aren't true, he plays his Dad against me. Dad is the parent who wants to be his friend and I am the disciplinarian. He also never takes responsibility for his actions... somebody made me do it type statements. Well they started it is another one. He is constantly on in-house suspension in school, has been kicked off the bus many times, has poor grades, if he isn't interested in what they are teaching he doesn't pay attention. He has started at least 3 fires that I am aware of. I have told many doctors and many mental health doctors, counselors etc all of this and have been basically told there isn't anything I can do. I hope that is untrue. I want to help him. I think however ADHD is not his only problem. It is like he is missing something in his brain.

What do you think? Any advise or new avenues I can try to help?

It is making it hard for me after 7 years with no improvement to want him in my life but he is still a child, immature for his age, he is almost 15 and behaves, like he has the mentality of a three or four year old.

We can't even leave him with a sitter or will any of our family members let him visit without us being present. We never get a break from this. HEEELLLLLLPPPPPP

[topladyj]

Well I have a step son also he is 8 now but when we got together he barley turned four. His mother was into drugs and never really wanted to see her son. She says she does but her actions say different. Still four years later she still off doing her own thing. When I first met them he was punching kicking, and biting me. He has gotten much better now. I think that possitive reinforcement really helped a lot though. For example If you are good today in school then I will take you to the park to play this evening. I know this may not work on a 15 yr old but I would give it a try. And show no frustration towards them. I know it is hard when they are being bad and have problems you just want them to be good. Maybe you can start giving him rewards insead of just buying him stuff, make him think since he was good and hasn't done anything bad he is getting this. Also his friends are probably bringing him way down too. And I also think that any kid that has a step parent is going to try to turn the biological parent against the other. Seen it many times, and I used to do it as a child. But as long as you and your husband can talk and he knows what's really going on, then perhaps it will get better. I really know how you feel my man wants to be more of a friend to his son too. It is okay to be there friend to an extent but you got to teach them while the getting is good. It is worth a try I hope this will help you some. Have you spoken to any other doctors. That could explain this behavior? Good luck!

[OrionRN]

Thanks topladyj. Yes I have talked to quite a few doctors and couselors. On the record and off. Unfortunately no one has advise. At this point I am at my wits end. I have tried every type discipline I know. I have rewarded good behavior even though it is so far and in between. Good luck to you as well.