[emilyemily]

I have a wonderful boyfriend whom I trust completely, in all aspects of our relationship. However, seeing him hang out with my roommate drives me crazy with jealousy, even though I know that nothing is happening. I don't even really understand why I get so jealous as I don't have this problem with any other of his female friends, just her. Seeing him talk to my other roommate or other attractive women don't bother me in the least. I've even talked to him about it and he always assures me that nothing could ever happen between them because he just doesn't find her that attractive. I can't figure out the reason for my jealousy because I know he's not someone who cheats, nor someone who would lie about feeling attracted to someone else. Furthermore, my roommate and I are pretty good friends and I know that she would never betray me in such a way without at least telling me beforehand. I really don't know what to do. I would love any advice on how to stop being so psychotic!

[DaniCalifornia]

At least you've taken the first step: Being AWARE of your paranoia!

It's not that you think either of them will do anything, it's that your self-esteem is low. Do you feel god about yourself? Do you think you're as good looking as your friend?

X Dani

[LuckyChucky13]

I agree with Dani, you probably feel insecure and there is something (or many things) about your room-mate that you admire and respect and makes you feel inadequate in some way. I would say your fear is that he starts being attracted to her precisely due to the reasons you are jealous of her and may one day opt to do something with her. Unless he's pointed out something in particular about her that he finds attractive that you may be lacking, I guess you are being paranoid and worrying about a non-threatening friendship.

If he's with you, it's because he chooses to be with you. Remind yourself of that and let his see that you're comfortable with who you are. Every one of us has strengths and virtues that we need to exploit and take advantage of. Confidence is an attractive thing and the more you remind yourself that you're good just the way you are, the more confident you will feel and less insecure you become.

[emilyemily]

The problem is that I don't feel like I'm inferior to my roommate. While she does have many qualities that make her wonderful, she also has many flaws that I know would keep my boyfriend at bay. I did have self-esteem issues at one point in life, but my boyfriend is actually the one that helped me move beyond them and love myself the way I should. Logically I know that nothing would ever happen between my boyfriend and roommate, but my brain just irrationally hates it when they spend time together alone.

[DaniCalifornia]

If she's NOT as good as you, what makes you feel paranoid? Does she find HIM attractive?

X Dani

[Kahani Punjab]

Emily Emily,

Welcome to this beautiful site, first! Jealousy is a proof of your acceptance of other's seniority. It is nothing but a natural phenomenon. Just divert your attention for the time being towards other sources of fun, like reading, listening (to music) and hanging out with HIM. Keep that girl out of mind, in terms of her going with your friend, even as it is tough. Get a new haircut, a new outfit and a new thinking. If you are sure, neither HE nor SHE can cheat you, rest assured and just relish the life. Nothing is going to happen, let me add. Good luck!

Be most intimate with your friend, touch him 'there' and 'do' what you want to do. It will help that 'jealous' feeling evaporate, when at least you will be sure, that you do the things, she can't even think of (doing with him).

Is not it? Does it help?

[DaniCalifornia]

I agree with being a fun outgoing person, but I disagree that you should change yourself. He's in love with YOU. You don't need to change the way you look.

X Dani

[talaniman]

When you know your feelings have no basis in fact, and are illogical then always think before you act or speak.

Sometimes we cannot control what we feel, but we can control what we do about those feelings so simply stay within the boundaries of good behavior, and try to stay cool, calm, collected, and in control when you DO have those emotions. In time it will get easier, and you won't have to regret acting negatively, or impulsively.

We all have our weaknesses, and we can only work on them one day at a time.

[staysea]

I agree with Dani, you probably feel insecure and there is something (or many things) about your room-mate that you admire and respect and makes you feel inadequate in some way. I would say your fear is that he starts being attracted to her precisely due to the reasons you are jealous of her and may one day opt to do something with her. Unless he's pointed out something in particular about her that he finds attractive that you may be lacking, I guess you are being paranoid and worrying about a non-threatening friendship.

If he's with you, it's because he chooses to be with you. Remind yourself of that and let his see that you're comfortable with who you are. Every one of us has strengths and virtues that we need to exploit and take advantage of. Confidence is an attractive thing and the more you remind yourself that you're good just the way you are, the more confident you will feel and less insecure you become.

I always love your answers to everything. This has helped me as well!