[samm101]

Congrats on getting back together, you don't hear that happening too often here. You obviously handled the break very well and she missed you.
For now,let her take the lead with things. The dynamic has changed in the relationship a little.
Be your same good self but don't come across too pushy in wanting to spend time together. Learn to become 'versatile'..
Keep things fresh + light between you two.. so that means no pressure on arranging nights together if she's busy with her new commitments etc..
Still have time for you & nights with your friends,just as she will hers.

Let her initiate things for the first while and everything will follow.
Good luck

[markwebber12345]

Thanks you guys rock! :) and yeah it was really really difficult on the break but I pretty much gave her space and that's all it took I think...

When you say let her take the lead and let her initiate things, does that mean everything? For example I need to know how often I should text or call her to say hello how is your day etc and if she doesn't reply do I just leave it until she does not matter how long... I found myself in a situation the other day where I text her asking something like what are you doing on Sunday and she said I'll check my work roster and then I said OK get back to me then, a day goes by and it's now the day before Sunday and still nothing so I text her in the morning saying hope you have a good day and still another day and nothing... Do you think I'm pushing it a bit much and should just wait until she contacts me every time?? Because I get the sense that if I do that she will think Ive lost interest just like when she doesn't write back I think She's lost interest ahaha??

Sorry for the ramble it's just a situation I've never felt with before... Cheers

[samm101]

I think you have done your part. You have let her know you are interested in doing something on Sunday with her so the ball is pretty much in her court with this one. Say no more about meeting or it could become slightly 'pushy' to her.
(in reality you arnt being pushy, I say that purely because of your situation where you haven't fully got back into the swing of things in the relationship yet & things still appear delicate)

Hopefully she'll get back to you on this one but if not then don't panic, she might just be distracted with a busy workload.
What I mean by letting her iniate things for the moment is to let her ask you to meet up etc (just for the time being).. its just about her trying to find her feet again in the relationship + manage to fit the relationship into her new lifestyle. She knows you want to spend time together,if she can't do Sunday then its her responsibility to arrange an alternate time for you two.

I know its torture waiting for her to get back to you but trust me.. Allow her these little intervals of breathing space for the first few weeks.
Remember that you have both agreed to get back into this relationship together, you have 'needs & wants' too. Its all about you both finding the correct balance for life together & separate i.e. socialising individually/ working etc.

[markwebber12345]

Hey All,

I've been back with my girlfriend for a few weeks now after we broke up over something which she feels wasn't my fault one bit(long long story) etc etc... Anyway, she was over the other day and I told her I'm nervous about us and I constantly ask her questions about us even though I know the answer and I always tell her how I feel (I'm thinking this is like a defense thing going on in my brain, because I was so badly shattered when we first broke up, she said that she knows that she needs to prove I can trust her again)
I don't know if you would call it clingy but I think it may be, I always say that I don't want to be clingy to her and she said she has actually said to me we don't need to be attached at the hip and to just go with the flow... For example the other day I was freaking out because she wouldn't text me back and I waited for it all day long, she then text me saying sorry and she left her phone at her best friends house and was at work all day...

I feel that I am pushing it and she is getting annoyed so I told her that I was sorry and asked if we could start over from when we said we are together we love each other and that's all that matters she said yes... The problem is I still feel insecure about it and try to talk to her everyday (not about us, but I try really hard to contact her if there is no reply right away), and I've promised her we won't talk about 'us' anymore... I don't know I feel like I'm scaring her away before it even starts again.

I guess what's happening is even though she's the one that came back she still has the relationship power... I need to know is what can I do to control myself and become more of an emotionally attractive person able to relax and let the relationship take its natural course to grow and get better? As in how many times so I text her or ask her if I should come see her or if she's coming to see me... Or is it too late?

Thanks Heaps

[Jake2008]

You minimize the reasons for the breakup, then because of the breakup, you are insecure, with unresolved issues of trust. I presume this essential element needed for the understanding of what is going on now, is important. It would be helpful to know what broke you up, and why is it you cannot trust her.

Also, a natural lack of being able to trust a partner, without reservation, either needs to be understood, worked through, realized by both parties, in order to re-establish trust that should be there, or had been lost.

There is a reason in other words, why you feel the way you do.

What you are essentially saying is you want to trust her, you tell her you want to trust her, you try to do trusting things and get past your insecurity, but find that that annoying little thing just won't go away.

And it won't. What you are doing, is reacting to a situation, that sounds like she created.

You are held hostage to the unknown. To her, what happened was inconsequential, to you, it was life changing.

And still is affecting your life, your behaviour, your relationship.

Things just don't 'go away' because a person (particularly the one at fault) tells you to just 'go with the flow, essentially telling you that your needs, wants, expectations, feelings, mean nothing.

You on the other hand, present yourself in such a way as to think your insecurity is unjustified, even to the point of not solving this major rift in the relationship.

I don't think that having a third party (a counsellor) would be a bad idea. You need to be heard, in order that you can not only understand why you feel so insecure, but also that your insecurity was brought about by her actions, not yours. Her not being able to satisfactorly re-build trust with her 'just forget about it' attitude, shows how little understanding of what has happened, and what responsibility SHE has, to work toward resolve.

You should not have to promise to be silent! If you are bothered, the very least you need, is an understanding, willing ear, to vent your doubts and concerns, no matter how long or how often.

A breech of trust, is a very, very difficult thing to get over, without a lot of work- by both parties.

[talaniman]

Dude... you are supposed to be afraid that this lying cheater will go back to being a lying cheater, and no amount of nice guy wuss hood will change that fact.

Starting new threads, and leaving out important facts either.

Its healing you need, courage, and strength, and to not take crap off this female, that you are to scared of to establish rules of good behavior with, and honest communications.

Hate to be harsh, I really do, but when a scared rabbit gets with a snake, the rabbit will regret it. You have allowed this snake, to use and abuse you, leave and come back, and rightfully so you are afraid of losing her.

Lose the fear, you will lose the behavior, and uncertainty and start standing up for yourself so you will know how to be healthy in your life, and have a healthy relationship.

I respectfully submit, NEITHER of you meets the healthy of mind, and soul criteria.

Sorry, but you really need to find the courage to do what you have to do, based on facts, and not just feelings.

Courage will give you the confidence to be cool, calm, collected, and in control... of yourself.

[tickle]

Bravo slap and tal. I only hope OP follows advice.