[confusedlimit]

Hi there, thanks for taking the time to read this and try to ignore the fact the grammar gets progressively worse as it was distracting me from what I wanted to put across.

Similar questions to this have no doubt been asked before, but there are slight differences that I really need cleared up if anyone has any advice to offer me

Basically, I have wanted to be with my "current" girlfriend for about 5 years, ever since I met her really, but for whatever reason she wasn't interested in a relationship with me and we became really close friends, I used to feel like I could tell her anything and we chat everyday

In my last year of uni she started to show interest in becoming more than friends,which I responded to positively and reassured her it would be perfect etc, and I genuinely believed it would be

Once I finished uni we started to see each other quite abit but it was always going out places i.e. cinema, restaurants, shopping and id never willingly invite her back to my house which is where the problem begins. Anytime I think its going to lead anywhere sexually I back off and avoid it and I have absolutely no idea why - as time went on I avoided asking to go places until I felt I had to or an argument would begin

In my head I feel like its because I've been used to having so many friends, and recently have lost a lot of them from growing apart and the fact I went to uni and they didn't - I feel like I don't want to risk losing her my close friend but at the same time I feel like I want to be with her because its what I always wanted.

From the start of uni I had this friend who I was really close with, and he lost interest in all of his friends as soon as he got a girlfriend, and when they broke up we became close again - throughout uni he did similar things of losing interest for a while and I started to get really jealous and it made our friendship extremely weird. We both get really upset when we argue, like to the point where it would ruin our whole day and when we make up recently we've started to get emotional and hug etc. Lately he's started to lie to me about stuff he doesn't feel comfortable talking about, and it always ends in an argument then we make up because we both feel sad. I just feel like all my effort is going into him and sometimes it seems like I can about him far more than her these days. I started to think I might like him more than a friend, but I don't feel sexually attracted to him I just love being around him because he makes me feel comfortable and I don't feel like I have to be competitive with him like I do with my other friends.

The whole problem I'm having is why am I far more concerned lately with making sure I keep him as a friend to the point where il go and see him rather than see my girlfriend? She thinks I'm just not interested in her and the other night I ended it with her because I felt that was the right thing to do - but I regret it and constantly feel sad all the time, but at the same time id rather speak to him than her.

I feel like because I haven't had sex in quite a few years (im 22) that if I chuck away everything I've got with this girl that il make it harder in the long run to get back into it. I feel anxious at the thought of sex with her but I've spoken to her about it and she understood and was so patient with me, yet id chuck it back in her face because I'm far more interested in making it up with my friend than her.

This has probably confused the hell out of anyone reading it but I'm finding it hard to summarise it, I really would appreciate any kind of input anyone may have

Thank you!

[Cat1864]

Could you have spent five years building up expectations for what you thought the relationship was going to be like and now the reality is very different from the fantasies?

It could be that you aren't interested in her the way you thought you were. She may be a better friend than girlfriend for you. I think you were right in breaking up with her because you need to work through your confusion. It isn't fair to her for you to try to keep a relationship going with her when you don't seem as invested in it as you are with your other friend.

This might be a delicate question to ask yourself, but do you feel like you are cheating on your friend when you spend time with her and that sex would make those feelings worse?

I think you need to take some time to be single and decide what you want and need in a relationship. I also think you need to sort out your feeling for the friend before you attempt to try another relationship.

No matter what you decide to do, you are not alone.