[D.D]

Ive been with my girlfriend (now ex) for 4 years. She broke up with me and told me she is interested in someone else. She has been out on one date with him and told me that she let him kiss her. She says that she is really confused about what to do. She says she loves me, but she needs some space to figure it out. What's my move? Is it over?

[talaniman]

What are you going to give her relationship advice now? Of course its over, and she is checking out someone else now, so disappear from her life, and stop talking to her. That's your next move if you want to keep your dignity, and self respect.

I can't believe you get dumped for someone else, and hang around for crumbs. Dude she was listening to his rap for a while before you found out about it.

No she isn't confused at all, because if this new guy doesn't do it for her, she can always come back to the guy who is waiting for her, because he doesn't have the dignity, or self respect, to see he is being played for a sucker.

Yeah, after 4 years, it has come to this.

Her stuff better be made of GOLD, for you to be that whupped.

[Larken85]

4 years and she dumps this crap on you. It wasn't meant to last and she doesn't deserve you man. She has been seeing this guy before you even knew there was a problem, and whether she had relations with him is a non-factor at this point because even if it was just mental she cheated on you man. She saw herself with this other man while she was with you and that is pretty much the end of it when she decides to dump you. She could have saved the relationship she worked so hard on for 4 years but she decided it wasn't worth it. That you weren't worth her respect and time. Leave it be and heal before getting a better drop dead beautiful girl to love.

[amicon]

She dumped you.
Stop listening to her-stop TALKING to her.

Go no contact and leave her to sort out her own life.

Live your life without her in it.

[redhed35]

I agree with the other posters,she may be confused,but that does not mean you are.

4 years in and she is confused,she's not willing to talk it out with you..

Move on.

Its hard,but at least you won't be confused.

[D.D]

She called late 2 nights ago and I had to answer. I quoted some of you guys during our conversation. I asked her why she was calling. She said she missed me and that its hard being without me- that she can't stop thinking about me. I told her that I missed her too, but if she's going to see other people that I'm not going to stick around to give her relationship advice- that I'm only interested in a long term relationship with her. She said that it wasn't a date (that one night she went out with that guy) and that it was insignificant to her- that it didn't mean anything. Well... I drove her to work this morning and asked her if she really meant what she said. If it really was insignificant and that it didn't mean anything to her. She said that she never said that. Yeah, I'm officially done with this woman. 4 years and its over... it hurts but you guys are right. I have to completely ignore her and cut her out of my life. Thanks for the responses everyone! They've really helped me to accept the reality of all this.

[amicon]

No contact from now on.

It hurts but you will get over this,give yourself time and be patient.

Good luck.

[D.D]

I still have to pick her up... I don't want anything to get in the way of me telling her that we can't talk anymore so I've simply written her a letter (quotes from you guys included). Any suggestions about this situation I'm about to be in are greatly welcomed and appreciated. Thanks. Here's the letter:

I feel like Ive been being selfish for trying to keep myself in your life. Its natural for me to fight for what I want, but just because I want you does not mean that you want me. In fact, you've made it quite obvious that you don't want me in your life. You broke up with me, you're interested in someone else, and you want me to leave you alone (note to readers- not directly said to me but I'm starting to get the hint). You say you don't know what you want, but you've made it very clear about what you want from me. You could have saved our 4 year relationship that you worked so hard on for, but you decided that it wasn't worth it- that Im not worth your respect and time.

[bally21]

Read my post. Its kind of similar...

If someone says they need a break and you might think someone else is in the picture, your s/o has grass is greener syndrome. You have officially become their number two choice. If you can live like that, fine, but there are plenty of others willing to make you number one.

[talaniman]

Burn the letter, take her home and tell her the truth, to leave you alone, wish her luck, and disappear.

Actions speak louder than words.

Keep it simple.

[D.D]

Ha, thanks talaniman.

[Devorameira]

Please, for your sake and happiness seriously tell her it's over for good. She obviously needs to sow her wild oats, and she cannot love you and date/sleep with other guys, that's not the norm for any loving couple.

I bet if you had come up with this horrific "break" idea from the start and you were seeing other women, that she would havef kicked you to the curb a long time ago.

Life is too short. Go out and find the one that's right for you. You will get over this believe me, it just takes time. Think about the guys/guy she's going to be sleeping with long enough and you'll draw your own conclusion very fast. You deserve better.

[D.D]

I hate to admit this, but I did come up with the horrific "break" idea last year (or maybe 2 years ago now), and I did see another woman. My girl (ex girl now) stuck around though, and we got back together. I guess she's finally sick of my . I actually feel like I deserve this since I put her through the same a couple years ago. Anyway, today I told her that we can't talk anymore. No contact. She agreed it was the only way. It was a pretty emotional experience for the both of us, but it had to be done.

[amicon]

Good idea.

Now stick to it.

Zero contact.