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drgnslyr18 · Sep 17, 2011, 11:22 PM

My Girlfriend told me months ago about how when she was for her cousin 20 at the time molested her.

And all the issues she had for a while like being depressed and scared till about age 8 or 9. For a while now, when we had been making out and I would start foreplay. She seemed fine with it and enjoyed it.

So that went on for a while then I noticed she was acting odd and I asked what was wrong and she started crying and after some 15 minutes of crying, she told me how every time after I started foreplay, she remembers her childhood and the emotions and fears come rushing back.

I held her for an extra 10 or so min then when she was finished crying I apologized repeatedly while hugging her. She said it wasn't my fault, but I can't help feeling horrible for bringing back those feelings.

She assumed that after awhile those fears would go away, and she thought they had. But the night when I got to 3rd base for the first time she said she had relived those fears. She never told me about it and looking back Ive been doing that for over a month and because of me she has had to deal with those feelings.

Now I have no idea what to do to help or fix what I did. I know I won't do that again until she asks me to or I just won't. But what can I do? I honestly want to go back in time and prevent him from molesting her by killing him, but I can't at all, so I am stuck guilty and remorseful from hurting the woman I love. Any advice?

CliffARobinson · Sep 18, 2011, 12:02 AM

You are doing most of it right now by being supportive and having the empathy to understand that she is in great pain. Always be supportive, always be honest, always be ready to listen, and don't treat her like she is 'damaged'. She is a strong woman to have gotten this far in one piece.

The best solution for most people is to seek some sort of professional counseling. No one can be forced to go to counseling, it will only work if they are ready on their own. I am sure you have already thought of this avenue. You should do all the homework for her.

Research the possibilities in your community for getting her the help she needs. Depending on income, that help might be from a psychologist in a practice to a social worker in a clinic, and lots of other possibilities in between, including her priest/pastor/rabbi.

When and if she is ready, you will have the information, but you cannot force it on her.

Unfortunately, there isn't much anyone can do to help someone they love until they are ready to be helped.

She is truly lucky to have someone who isn't willing to take advantage of her trust and who cares enough to want to help. Be strong for her. Be her rock.

drgnslyr18 · Sep 18, 2011, 12:09 AM

:) thanks for the answer, and could a school councilor be an option?

CliffARobinson · Sep 18, 2011, 12:19 AM

Yes. They will also have the ability to help her with off campus care as well.

How old are the two of you?

drgnslyr18 · Sep 18, 2011, 01:24 PM

We are both 16

Vengeance · Dec 12, 2011, 12:56 AM

Sounds very similar to my story. My GF was molested by a "friend" of the family when she was 7. Right around the same period of intimacy with her she started crying and told me about it. She won't tell me who it was but I keep going over and over in my head how I'm going to kill this man. One day I hope she tells me. I'm normally a law abiding citizen but I swore I would kill this man effectively, silently, without remorse if I ever found out who it was. One day...