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gracie2010 · May 26, 2011, 08:29 AM

Talaniman, when you said he has no fear of losing me his lifestyle, his family etc, do you mean beacause in all of this bad behaviour he's had no consequences so he basically does and says what he wants and knows he can get away with it.

talaniman · May 26, 2011, 10:43 AM

That's exactly what I mean. He has gotten away with everything so far hasn't he?

Come on he takes a trip to the Caribbean, gets his diving certificate, and you can't have a new car? The accounts you have access to don't allow you to go shopping for the house or anything else besides groceries? He maintained a boat for how long? And then sold it?

He is accountable to no one but himself it seems to me. Heck he can make loans to his family, but not his wife??

Come on, what's wrong with that picture? Looks more like master/slave, than marriage. Yes I read your other post as well. Should have merged them for all to have more insights and info.

If you defended yourself and your interests HALF as well as you defend and make excuses for him, then you would be on to something.

gracie2010 · May 26, 2011, 11:54 AM

You are absolutely right 100%.Being assertive is a slow process for me. It sometimes makes things worse when I try to defend myself and he twists the whole situation around to make out that I'm the crazy one. By the way how do I combine threads?

talaniman · May 26, 2011, 12:03 PM

Its been done.

DoulaLC · May 26, 2011, 01:35 PM

Gracie... hopefully I am wrong, but I have to wonder if more is going on that you don't know about? A trip on his own and he doesn't share it with the family or want to leave you a way to contact him? Money that can not be accounted for and accounts you know nothing about? Lying to you on numerous occasions and turning things around to be your fault? Registering on dating sites in the past?

It sounds as though he wants the best of both worlds. Act single, and not have to consult with anyone else on what he does... and have the perks of being married, with having someone at home to take care of the home front for him.

I think the two of you have been playing the same tune over and over... and many couples do the same thing without realizing it.

Think about it: If you do the same things, respond the same way, repeat the same discussions and the same reactions, why would you expect anything to change?

Change can be scary, I know full well... but in this situation it is prudent and necessary.