[valentinac]

Hi, Im kind of confused as to what my long distance ex boyfriend wants from me. We dated for about 5 months and it was love at first sight. We both live like 4 hours way from each other and we went to visit each other back and forth for the time we dated, and at the beginning I kept on telling him but were far are you sure you want to get into this, and he said wed make it work. Not long after, we started getting into little arguments, significant really, and he broke up with me saying he couldn't handle it anymore. He said the fighting was now an issue in our long distance relationship and that I was too stubborn. He said the fighting made him change the way he felt towards the relationship, but that he still loved me. I cried and told him everything I felt and then we didn't speak for 2 weeks. Two weeks into it, I called him saying I missed him, and he replied the same thing and said he was sad. We started speaking like before, started to text again, but hed just leave me hanging sometimes, saying hed message me later, or hed be right back and waited 2 to 3 days to come talk to me again. I pretended as if nothing and just spoke to him normally not to cause an argument, as I know he does not owe me anything-we are not together anymore. Sometimes he has these heart to heart with me and tells me he misses me and still feels the same about me and that its been really hard on him. He tells me he doesn't want to lose me, and still calls me baby and sends me kisses. He also flirts, and brings back old memories and says he'd love to see me. But after saying all that, he goes back to saying he can't believe its really over, and when reality hits that were not together, he gets really sad. I don't get what he wants from me, why does he come tell me all of this(that I already know) and then end it with repeating its over? I thought to myself if he still talks to me and wants to know about me and what I'm up to, and opens up to me, then he must be saying the truth about missing and loving me. I do not get what he would be getting out of this, especially since we do not even know if well ever see each other again. My friends tell me I should show him I am working on my stubbornness and that hell want to get back, but he keeps repeating he's sad its really over. Lately he's been telling me that he really misses us, and that its hitting him that its all gone. But he doesn't mention us getting back. Should I continue letting him come to me? And making him realize he misses me? I just figured if I pursued him I'd just push him away more.
Need your advices!
HELP

[Scleros]

He's keeping you on the hook, or back burner, whatever you want to call it for whatever reason. Actions speak louder than words and his actions aren't consistent with his words which are probably worthless and also are really good lines for keeping a woman invested. Frankly, reading your post gave me a creepy vibe and think at this point you're just his emotional hankie or a second fiddle.

[amicon]

When people's actions don't match their words it's time to back off and live your own life-it doesn't matter what he's 'getting out of'this;what matters is that you move on and get happy again.

[talaniman]

Trying to maintain a long distance relationship is extremely difficult, and taxing as you are finding out, and even though it was love at first site, it wasn't enough to help you both overcome the obstacles you face that life throws at us all.

What's especially telling is you getting dumped, and holding on to anything you can, instead of letting go, and regrouping.

Sorry, but until you stop allowing him to fill you with false hope, and make a clean break of it, then you will never recover enough to see things for what they really are. You have to let go and back up to a safe distance, to see through your emotions so you can stop playing into his program, so you can make a decision for yourself that works for you.

Stop letting him contact you and keep you confused and hopeful, so you can start doing your own thing again, and being happy for yourself. That would be calling his bluff, and not giving in to false hope. That's where your confusion comes from, instead of waiting and hoping he changes his mind about you, make up your mind to follow a course of action that works for YOU.

Let him go and do your thing, you deserve better than a talker, with no action behind his words. So why be stuck on someone who isn't stuck enough on you to help build a life together?

Back off to a safe emotional distance and give things some thought, without his influence. Then you can figure out what's best for you.

[vanheart]

There's always someone on the end of an LD relationship that wants love at a distance.

No real commitment. Or face to face.

Never wanting to know what its really like.

And from experience, that's the fault on both parts. Deciding to continuing falsely. Without reality.

Missing someone all the time sucks. Love at first sight, now what?