[Everybreath]

Sort of a wall, but please read all the way through.

I'll first say that I am a seventeen years old (nearly eighteen) and that I have never felt the same way about someone as I do now, yet I know that this love I have for this young woman is true and unconditional. I know that she is truly a beautiful person and one that I respect, and admire for who she is. Her and I met at my current high school last (junior) year and enjoyed each others presence immensely in the period of class we shared each day. She was a foreign exchange student from Egypt and we had immense interest in one another. At the end of the school year she asked me if I would please see her again before she had to leave and though I hadn't showed her how much I enjoyed her before, I told her I would and really did not want anything more. So we went to some movies at first and started to talk and show each other more how much we cared for one another. During her last few days in the US, we shared the days enjoying each other and it quickly and naturally became very intimate between us. (I could write about our relationship all day) I spent my happiest days yet by her side and felt more at home there next to her than anywhere else I'd been. But, she soon had to leave and go back to Egypt. When she left, we still talked as much as we could all day over Skype and fell deeper in love every day. We had hoped that she could somehow make it back for schooling again but after many attempts, we found that she would not be coming back. We thought of breaking up as we couldn't see each other again until the next summer, but as we were both so in love that idea was impossible and we stayed in a long distance relationship. When school started, our schedules allowed hardly any time to talk to one another and our communication suffered greatly and with her stressful classes and extensive studies she has been extremely busy and stressed throughout. I understood and accepted that we couldn't talk much but resentment began to build at times and after some months of little communication soon found that it wasn't the same when we talked to each other. We were both very confused and had many mixed feelings in this time and actually began to become strangers to one another. It was a very confusing time and it has only been recently when I spent some time with myself that I have started to realize what was wrong between us. I never intended to hurt her, and I know that there was many uncontrollable factors that applied to our break up eventually happening. Sometimes I think that we just met at the worst time and the circumstances were definitely not in the favor of us being close, yet my love for her still remains and there is nobody else id rather be with. Near the end of our relationship as lovers, she told me that it was wrong to start anything in the first because she was not ready for it. This hurt, but I have realized that even though she helped me to, I had not ever learned to truly love myself and that before I was with her I was in somewhat of a state of unconsciousness. I have found that I want to make her happy and be strong for her, and although I am willing take her for who she is, I need to love myself first because I don't want her to be with someone who can't be strong for her. She said close to the end of our relationship that she knew it was wrong to start anything in the first place, and that hit me hard. Until I recently realized that I myself was not yet ready for the relationship that I want to have with her. After a break from each other, and a short talk we have decided to stay best friends after we both conlcuded that we just aren't ready for this relationship. She is still constantly busy with her schoolwork and has limited opportunities to talk with me, and I think this stressful time effects her ability to see what we have had, and what we are capable of. I am okay with being just friends with her right now because I know that truly caring for her starts with caring for myself and I know that I need to work on that. She still plans on coming to stay over the summer, as she'd love to be here and misses her friends and the area greatly, but as it stands right now, she will have to go back to Egypt for another year of schooling.

I love her more than I have ever loved myself before (something I am working on), I want her to be happy and nothing means more to me than helping her with that, so as we are right now, best friends, I am asking for opinions or advice on what would be best for my life right now and what I can do to have the most positive effect on her life as well.

Questions are welcome & any input is appreciated. Thanks

I feel fairly uneasy about having wrote this without her knowing, but I hope that this will benefit us both in some way. And I may show this to her in the future.

[talaniman]

Such a sad way to learn that life, and reality can be harsh. I think as time goes on you will learn to truly love yourself by being the best person you can be, but may not have a lot to do with helping your best friend. But she will be okay without you, and live her own life.

You had your taste of love, and trust me, you will love again, maybe not her but with another. First you have to live through this experience to learn, and grow, and you will see the bigger picture, and move on with your life.

For now, just be patient, time, and life will heal you, and healing is what you need.

We all have to go through that first love to be better prepared for the second great love of our lives.

[Everybreath]

Such a sad way to learn that life, and reality can be harsh. I think as time goes on you will learn to truly love yourself by being the best person you can be, but may not have a lot to do with helping your best friend. But she will be okay without you, and live her own life.

You had your taste of love, and trust me, you will love again, maybe not her but with another. First you have to live thru this experience to learn, and grow, and you will see the bigger picture, and move on with your life.

For now, just be patient, time, and life will heal you, and healing is what you need.

We all have to go thru that first love to be better prepared for the second great love of our lives.

Thank you talaniman, I have already come to terms with our breakup and I accept it. I know that right now it is best that we aren't together. But I must say that I feel that there may be something that can be said between us and I know that It will require a change in myself, but when I have made sure there are no hard feelings between us, I would like to leave the possibility's open for a later date. Even if we both move on for now. Any advice there?

[litesky]

Long-distance relationships are difficult enough for mature couples to endure, and at your age... its enough stress to eat you alive.

It may not be what you want to hear, but you have to move on. When you are at that age, you believe that every girl you share intimate moments with is "the one". Take it slow, because I'm almost sure you will go through a handful of relationships that you're almost sure that she is "the one".

If its meant to be, it'll be. Live your life with no regrets, because you can keep going down the same road without looking around you, only to realize that you're surrounded by things you have yet to experience.

Good luck dude.

[Everybreath]

Since I am not sure that she has had any of the same loving thoughts or feelings toward me, and unsure if she has had a chance to think about that, should I approach her at some point about those feelings for me? Or should I let it be and stay friendly to wait to see if she says it herself? Although this may not me the right time for a relationship, I cannot help but wonder about her feelings for me..

[talaniman]

Trying to understand her feelings now, is a waste of time, and will bring more questions, than answers.

I think a better course of action at this time, would be leaving her alone, and focus on doing your own thing for a while. That helps give her time to do the same.

We always wonder after a break up how our partner feels now, and if they have the same feelings, and regrets, as we do.

While these feelings are normal, this kind of contact only keeps fresh wounds open longer. No healing can be done under those circumstances, but after healing properly, new understanding can be found, because the feelings have died down enough to see the facts more clearly. That's when you get your answers.

Talaniman Rule- After a break up, have the courtesy to disappear from their lives, and do your own thing.

[Everybreath]

Thanks again tal. I can see that it would be good to give space and time and I'm okay with doing this. I am wondering now that since I still care for her deeply as a person and she is still someone I can see myself with, despite our confusion and troubles before the breakup (because I know that we both never meant to hurt each other and that was the way it played out). If I give it time and do my own thing, I will still care for her and think of her because I feel comfortable with her in mind knowing that she never had any intention of hurting me. I still care for her very much and would like to communicate my feelings and regrets in the future. I know that we both need time to be with ourselves, but what I am wondering now is what if she isn't able to see the same? (for whatever reason, school, stress etc.) I would like her to see this and as I said, make sure any negative feelings toward each other are gone. I can see that self love is very important right now for both of us, but I'm not sure if she does or not. If I continue to give her time and space and it seems that she is not to be in love with herself, what is the best way to help her bring that to her own life out of caring and compassion for her as a being from my current situation's standpoint?

[Everybreath]

Bump

[talaniman]

Trust me, you will be so busy with your own thing, you won't have time for hers. Not because you no longer will care, but because once you get started, you will see how big of a job it is managing your own thing.

Plus even though you care, and I get that, its none of your business anymore how she manages her life.

And stop bumping your post, be patient as most people are busy managing there own life, and may not be around, but will be.