[symaya]

I'd like some insight. I fell for a man almost two years ago. He was on a break from his lady. I told him "if you two get back/can work things out just let me know" I had no desire to be in between such a situation. We hung tight for 8 months shared much love and inimacy. Then things started feeling a bit off. I addressed him and he told me they have slept together but hey are not together. I stayed involved for another few weeks then told him "I can't do this with him" he kept calling... I kept answering. More time spent more love and intimacy but now with the reality of me being the other woman. I communicated to him asking "what is this to you" He expressed the history and love + the child they share, on the other hand there's me and the newness and the liking and love that he has for me. He expressed that he ha some reserves about me not being there for the long haul... Again I took space... He eventually would call... and once I would ancwer he'd kept calling. I became a bit alof. I completely stopped calling him. Placing the responsibility on him. It made me feel wanted by him. I received phone calls from her stressing how horrible I am... More recently She called wile he was here. His attitude was as though the relationship was between she and I. I asked him how they were doing and he said "we have our moments" playing disconnected and un affected. I was trying to communicate with him and he avoided the conversation. I told him that I was done and to get out and not to call me anymore.. So sad. He hasn't called me since. Two weeks have gone by. I'm a mess but allowing the mess to be as it is. I know I'll be fine as time has its way with such things. I just wonder and desire insight into the mind of a man who is in such a situation. How does he cope? My sister saw him the other day and said he lookied ruff... I was kind of happy to know that. How do men suffer during these times? Why isn't he trying to make peace with me? Is it because he doesn't care and didn't love me? The response of most women during matters of the heart are generalized and seemingly sequential in its processing. How do men commonly deal with breakups and matters of the heart?

[aimee_tt]

Ok from reading this I wouldn't be concerned if he doesn't call you. He didn't respect you he used you.

He cheated on you and kept you around after so he could use you.

You will find someone one day that will treat you right and he will look like a monster to you

[KBC]

I'd like some insight. I fell for a man almost two years ago. He was on a break from his lady. I told him "if you two get back/can work things out just let me know"

From the get go,you stated to him you had no desire to STAY in a relationship,no commitment what-so-ever.

I had no desire to be in between such a situation. We hung tight for 8 months shared much love and inimacy. Then things started feeling a bit off. I addressed him and he told me they have slept together but hey are not together.

He had his cake and was eating it too.. :(,time to leave!

I stayed involved for another few weeks then told him "I can't do this with him" he kept calling... I kept answering. More time spent more love and intimacy but now with the reality of me being the other woman. I communicated to him asking "what is this to you" He expressed the history and love + the child they share, on the other hand there's me and the newness and the liking and love that he has for me. He expressed that he had some reserves about me not being there for the long haul... Again I took space... He eventually would call... and once I would answer he'd keep calling. I became a bit alof. I completely stopped calling him. Placing the responsibility on him.

You were playing him,he is playing you,this is nothing more than a game:(

It made me feel wanted by him. I received phone calls from her stressing how horrible I am... More recently She called wile he was here. His attitude was as though the relationship was between she and I. I asked him how they were doing and he said "we have our moments" playing disconnected and un affected. I was trying to communicate with him and he avoided the conversation. I told him that I was done and to get out and not to call me anymore.. So sad. He hasn't called me since. Two weeks have gone by. I'm a mess but allowing the mess to be as it is. I know I'll be fine as time has its way with such things.

Ended?

I just wonder and desire insight into the mind of a man who is in such a situation. How does he cope? My sister saw him the other day and said he lookied ruff... I was kind of happy to know that. How do men suffer during these times?

Since you wanted to play the game,you must know you aren't always going to get the answers you desire,that's part of playing the game.

why isn't he trying to make peace with me?

He is getting over having both cake and fork.He finally took the 'get out' as the final rejection and isn't willing to return for another attempt,you aren't worth the pain to him.

is it because he doesn't care and didn't love me? The response of most women during matters of the heart are generalized and seemingly sequential in its processing. How do men commonly deal with breakups and matters of the heart?

Upon much time(for me) I reflected on the what's and why-not's of the relationship,where I failed ME,where I failed US,where I felt they failed ME.etc.

In the end,it doesn't matter much,either you continue to do the things you do and repeat history again and again(insanity) or you make changes and adjustments so you don't repeat history.You actually GROW from the situations which used to baffle you.Playing the whole situation through your mind and finding the key points which made that particular relationship not work.


Logic prevails in my mind,not emotions.

[positiveparent]

Maybe the moral of this story is , in future don't settle for less than best, never be a 2nd, when you can be a first.

Plus going with any person in a relationship is a mugs game you're just allowing someone to use you...

And cheat..

[Jake2008]

I find it amazing that you allowed yourself to sink so low, for such a long time, that you were merely a booty call with no substance to any sort of relationship.

If that is all you have to offer of yourself, and if yourself esteem is so low that you pin your future on a married man, I feel very sorry for you.

You used him just as much as he used you. If I were the wife in that situation, I would dump his clothes at your place and say good riddance, you deserve each other.

Stay away from married men, get your own man, one who is single so that he doesn't have to run home to his wife everyday, or take off from your place early to pick up diapers or formula.

Surely you can do better, and make better choices.