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dragulja2011 · Apr 7, 2011, 10:31 AM

Hi, I have small confusions.. I have boyfriend who really loves me, but has happened once during sex, he asked me if he can call me in a bad ways.. like S**t or etc. I got ofended and I took this question so derogatory in that moment.
***, if somebody can explane me this situation if I have right to be angry or is just something what some of the guys wants to do while haing sex

How much big influence can have if I don't accept that my boyfriend to call me by some dirty names (ex:s*lot) while having sex? Is it possible that out sex and relationship goes down line? Because he asked me once if he can call me, and I didn't agree. Probably he like this thing and I said no.
Is it possible that he become not satisfied in sex life with me, if I don't accept this thing?
I need your opinion
Thanks[IMG][/IMG][IMG][/IMG]

southamerica · Apr 7, 2011, 10:35 AM

How old are you and your boyfriend?

dragulja2011 · Apr 7, 2011, 10:38 AM

Around 23,24

southamerica · Apr 7, 2011, 10:49 AM

Thanks for answering.

I understand why you would be offended by those words, and I would be too. The fact is that some guys get more turned on by calling out those types of names during intercourse. You have every right to tell him "no" when he asks you, and the important thing that I can see is that he asked your permission.

I would not take it as him disrespecting you, because he asked your permission and it shows he cares how you feel about the subject. You say no if you can't handle it, and hopefully that's the end of the topic. If he can't move past it, then you might have to re-evaluate your relationship.

dragulja2011 · Apr 7, 2011, 11:14 AM

Thanks a lot for the answer!

Cat1864 · Apr 7, 2011, 11:39 AM

I agree that he sounds respectful of your feelings.

You might ask him why he wants to use those names? It might lead to discussions about fantasies or other turn-ons that both of you have. It can also help figure out what each of you doesn't like (such as the names) before boundaries are crossed.

Keep open minds and remember that fantasy does not have to equal reality.

dragulja2011 · Apr 7, 2011, 12:15 PM

Do you believe if we don't start to use this names, that something can go wrong with our relationship, because he probably like this things if he asked me for..

martinizing2 · Apr 7, 2011, 02:27 PM

Some people , usually men , are aroused by what is referred to as "talking dirty" .

It can include calling their partner things like "slut" , "whore" , "*****"
Usually mixed in with more foul and vulgar language.

It is a fantasy and does not mean that he really thinks of you in these terms in real life.

Since he did ask , I would think that it may be a fantasy of his and he did not want to make you feel bad.

As has been suggested , you might talk about this and other fantasies you both have that may enhance you sex life.
Get used to talking to each other about sex and it will help.

As a wise man has said, "If you can't talk about sex with your partner you probably shouldn't be having it."

dragulja2011 · Apr 7, 2011, 03:14 PM

Actually he told me that he like this, it turns him more on.. but he will respect my decision..

southamerica · Apr 7, 2011, 03:24 PM

If he asked you first, and then said he'll respect your decision, there really should be no reason to be worried.

If it ends up being a problem, well then you'll cut your losses at that point.

Don't anticipate a problem when you've no cause to. More often than not that's what causes problems.

Eileen G · Apr 7, 2011, 03:36 PM

No, it is perfectly fine for you to say what you will accept and to refuse to put up with anything which makes you uncomfortable.

If calling you dirty names during sex is the only thing which turns him on, it's his problem, and he needs to deal with it. But I think it's probably just a little extra for him, a bit like you thinking about your favourite film star occasionally.

Sex is supposed to be pleasurable for both the people involved. If one person is just enduring it, then that is going to doom the relationship.

Cat1864 · Apr 7, 2011, 06:33 PM

You should never feel like you are forced or coerced into doing something you do not want to do. You shouldn't stay in a relationship with someone who would treat you that way.

Talking about likes and dislikes is for you both to know where the boundaries are. It is a way to know what stays strictly a personal fantasy and what might be something you both want to try.

QLP · Apr 8, 2011, 09:42 PM

Just a slightly different perspective, but as a female, I occasionally enjoy being called such names. When I'm feeling like being very 'naughty' I find it an endorsement of the fact that I'm good at being 'bad'. Having been together for 27 years, I know my husband doesn't actually think I'm a whore, or whatever, it's just part of the moment, a little game.

Absolutely don't do anything which makes you feel uncomfortable, but I certainly wouldn't see it as your partner thinking negative things of you, particularly as he seems to have been very respectful of your feelings.

Even if you do 'get' where he's coming from and decide to indulge his wish occaisonally I would make it clear you wouldn't want it on the menu all the time. I personally find lots of variety is fun but having to rely on any specific 'prop' would be a real turn off.