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t1erral1nda · Jan 12, 2011, 11:57 PM

"I found out 8 months ago that my husband was having an affair. We have lived abroad for many years and the affair happened when I was back in the States for 2 months which enabled him to be with a woman from his office who was feeding his ego and making him feel he could do no wrong. We have been to marriage counseling which did help and we have started rebuilding our relationship. However, I continue to have 'visions' of him and his lover together as well as different 'scenarios' that may or may not have happened. My husband has quit drinking and smoking and is on anti-depressants and feels like everything is A-OK. He has been extremely supportive of my feelings and insecurities and has literally done everything right to make things better. Most of the time I feel that we are getting better, but recently I found hard core porn on my computer that he hadn't properly deleted. He told me this was nothing and not to think too much of it and that it would never happen again. This has fueled my insecurities and doubts of our relationship ever mending. What now?

Fr_Chuck · Jan 13, 2011, 06:34 AM

So how many months have you went to counseling, it is not a two visit things, most likely you will go separate, and also do some joint counseling. ( as well as he some separate also)

It may be an issue of over a year or more of counseling to get feeling a lot better,

As for the porn, it needs to be addressed, first has he always looked at porn ? Many people would not view porn as cheating of course, and many couples even view it together, So in your therapy have you bought up the porn

Devorameira · Jan 13, 2011, 07:27 AM

You really do need to give him a chance to redeem himself. I understand your insecurity, and it may not go away quickly, but you still need to see if he remains loyal to you and stays away from the porn.

I got to agree with Fr_Chuck... you need to keep on with counseling, both one-on-one and as a couple. A counselor can help you cope with the insecurity you're feeling and ensure that your healing in on track.

t1erral1nda · Jan 13, 2011, 06:10 PM

Thank you Devorameira, every little piece of advice helps. My husband has been seeing a Psychiatrist here that can refer us to a counselor for our marital problems, or perhaps see us together herself.

t1erral1nda · Jan 16, 2011, 02:47 AM

We went to about 10 counseling sessions together, both separately and as a couple before we moved abroad. We have watched porn together but not this extreme stuff I found. Just one more thing that he is keeping from me. My trust is gone for now.