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Susy Que · Sep 13, 2007, 12:51 PM

My husband almost cheated on me, how do I cope with this?

shatteredsoul · Sep 13, 2007, 06:49 PM

What do you mean, ALmost?

GlindaofOz · Sep 13, 2007, 06:53 PM

Where are you guys at right now? Have you forgiven him? Have you decided to go to counseling because clearly there is some sort of problem going on? What preceded him attempting to cheat?

Clough · Sep 13, 2007, 09:16 PM

I have the same questions as those above. It would help us in knowing more about the situation in order to provide you with the best answers.

Susy Que · Sep 16, 2007, 07:56 PM

Well to make a very long story short, he dropped a bomb on me that he has not been feeling too good with the way things have been going between us. Feeling rejected, not loved etc... FYI a little history on us, been together for 15 yrs. Married for 9, over the last 3 years I have given birth to 2 very beautiful little girls 21 months apart. He has spent the last 5 months. Reno. Our basement to build me a daycare in order to stay home with my kids and make a little $$. I chalked his temperament up to being tired, working @ work and @ home, I on the other hand have had to take on the responsibility of mother and father in order for him to complete the job (so maybe I'm at fault for neglecting him in that sense)... well he has been acting extremely weird, our conversations turned into arguments for about 1 week, then I told him he needed to clear his head so I went away for a couple of days with the girls to give him that space... came home 3 days later, again we argued, something told me to check his car and there I found an overnight bag packed with clothes and a couple of condoms (which we don't use). When I confronted him, he told me that he DIDN'T cheat, but was going to. Aparently there was a woman who has been giving him the attention I have'nt been and he thought about it but couldn't go through with it.

Clough · Sep 16, 2007, 10:29 PM

Thank you for sharing.

Just in my opinion, I think that the both of you need to seek out counselling for the two of you together. This might also involve counselling in individual sessions for each of you individually. For a counsellor to figure out what is going on and to help guide you in preventive and curative measures will take more than just one session. A neutral, impartial person can help the two of you sort out what may be missing in your relationship and give you possible remedies to fill in the gaps between the two of you. I would hate to see the long, apparently fruitful and good time that you have spent together and also your family split apart.

It sounds like you can at least communicate with each other verbally. Are you still living in the same home as a family? Can you afford counselling? Just in case you can't, there are places for counselling that operate on sliding fee scales based upon your income.

Being tired and overworked can definitely affect temperaments. I'm just taking a guess right now, if you don't mind. But, do you tell and show him in various ways as to how much you appreciate the renovation work that he is doing?

Perhaps someone else will offer additional suggestions as well based upon the information that you have provided. I am concerned for your family. I don't have all of the answers. But, I have experienced personally where my partner wanted to start seeing another person for one reason or another.

People can change a lot in their needs as they get older and as situations in lifestyle change. Sometimes couples need professional advice in order to find ways to adapt to the changes that either of them might be going through that are having a negative effect on their relationship.

Marily · Sep 16, 2007, 11:23 PM

Im so sorry for what u must be going through. Does your husband thinks that by cheating on you its going to solve everything? Is he still willing to work on your marriage? If he is I think he should start by winning your trust back which is going to take time. I wish u everything of the best ;)

GlindaofOz · Sep 17, 2007, 04:58 AM

It sounds to me as if there have been a lot of changes going on your life almost all at once. A lot of people are very bad at handling change. Some people will shut down and look for an escape from everything that feels overwhelming to them. My best friend responds to lots of change this way and I've seen her do some things that are pretty out of character when things change too fast for her.

All in all I have to say that I don't think its you neglecting him. He is not handling everything that's going on in your lives well. As Clough suggested counseling is a great idea. It will help the both of you communicate better and help your husband deal better with everything that is going on in your lives.

talaniman · Sep 17, 2007, 05:29 AM

I have to agree with Glinda as there is a lot going on right now that doesn't bring you two together. You both seem to have your own worlds to take care of, and I think more working together would certainly be a step in the right direction. Be busy together, and get the communications back as I'm sure he feels left out and taken for granted. New children in the family does that sometimes. A lot of changes have happened, so recognise hubby has to have his attention too. At least he needs his comfort zone within his own home. Communicate how glad you are that he is there, and keep in mind he didn't cheat. Just curious was he attentive during pregnancy?

annastar12 · May 2, 2009, 08:01 AM

I wouldn't know to be honest because why would he have an overnite bag and condoms if he never went anywere in his car? Were the condoms open or still wrapped if so he could be telling the truth I think you oth need to go to sme counseling about the trust as well and see how both can work this out it would be a shame to throw 15 years way xx good luck