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jfac2011 · Jan 11, 2011, 09:21 PM

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Im deeply in love with my Ex-gf, but she has a boyfriend. We didn't speak for about 2 months, and a few weeks ago, we started talking again. Now we are best friends. I told her that I still loved her, and we came to the conclusion that we will get back together. She said that we needed to gain each others trust again, and learn who each other is again. But the only problem is she has this boyfriend. Every time I bring that up, she changes the subject. Ive told her a few times that she is going to have to leave him to fix this. I really don't know what to do, considering Im head over heels in love with her still.

martinizing2 · Jan 11, 2011, 11:48 PM

Originally Posted by ;

But the only problem is she has this boyfriend. Everytime I bring that up, she changes the subject.

I'd stick with that subject until I was answered.

I would suggest getting out now.
Run don't walk.
It will not be easier in the future as you will probably
Be more attached than you are now .

To even consider a relationship with someone who is already
In one , is a fools errand.

What would stop her from leaving you for someone else just like she says she is going to do with her currant guy?

Or she may just string you both along and bounce back and forth between the two (or more) of you.

She said you need to gain each others trust again...
This is not exactly what it takes ti gain trust by the way I see it.

It is hard and it is painful when you love someone
Who tears out your heart .
Loving someone does not guarantee you can live with them or be together.
I think you can save yourself a lot of pain , grief, and anguish , and retain some dignity and self respect by facing up to what I
Think you already know.

There is little if any hope with her.
The trust has been broken , beat, and abused.

I am sorry for you , I know how this feels.
Get out now and save yourself the anguish of
Seeing your blazing love turn into a dying flame
You are fanning with false hope.

I wish I had faced up to it earlier.
It will still be hard , but will only get harder.

jfac2011 · Jan 12, 2011, 12:04 AM

It has a lot more depth than I really explained. Let me say why we broke up. We were fighting about stupid stuff. And he came out of nowhere and just took advantage of her downed state. We broke up. And he took her. Now we are trying to fix things.

martinizing2 · Jan 12, 2011, 12:18 AM

Originally Posted by ;

Let me say why we broke up. We were fighting about stupid stuff. and he came out of nowhere and just took advantage of her downed state. We broke up. And he took her. Now we are trying to fix things.

Most people do fight over stupid stuff.
Learn to communicate instead of fight.
And..
I have a hard time seeing where her clinging onto a boyfriend
Counts as trying to fix anything.

It is my opinion still that you would be
Best served by getting out.

jfac2011 · Jan 12, 2011, 10:47 AM

This is kind of an extension to my last question. My ex and I have started talking again recently. She is still with the guy that basically stole her from me. She says that she truly still cares about me, and that we will fix this. But she won't let go of her current boyfriend. I want nothing more than to fix things and be with her again. She says we need time to fix this. But how can we fix it, if she hasn't let go of him? She says that he is a part of her life now, just like I am. She swears to me that we will fix things. Someone please explain to me how this is going to get fixed. I understand that we can't just fix things over night, but I need to know that she really means that she wants this fixed.

love2laughalot · Jan 12, 2011, 11:03 AM

If she really honestly wanted to fix things she would never have gotten that new boyfriend and would stay open to fixing your guys relationship. There is nothing more you can do if she isn't willing to work on this also. Its time to move I think.

love2laughalot · Jan 12, 2011, 11:04 AM

Move on I mean*

Devorameira · Jan 12, 2011, 11:28 AM

Your can't fix anything if you don't work on it. Since he was the problem in the beginning, I can't see a way at all that you can work on anything until he's out of the picture.

You need to quit being the nice guy and give her a straight out ultimatum (you or him). If she won't make a decision then, it will be time for you to go complete no contact and move on.

martinizing2 · Jan 12, 2011, 11:55 AM

This is kind of an extension to my last question. My ex and I have started talking again recently. She is still with the guy that basically stole her from me. She says that she truly still cares about me, and that we will fix this. But she won't let go of her current boyfriend. I want nothing more than to fix things and be with her again. She says we need time to fix this. But how can we fix it, if she hasn't let go of him? She says that he is a part of her life now, just like I am. She swears to me that we will fix things. Someone please explain to me how this is going to get fixed. I understand that we can't just fix things over night, but I need to know that she really means that she wants this fixed.

If you believe you can "fix" this situation , I have some semi-tropical paradise land for sale on the
Bonneville Salt flats. Send in the payment and I'll e mail you a map to your new paradise.

And compared to what you are about to put yourself through trying to fix this, you will end up be happier on the Salt Flats with no water than to be where you are going.

I wish · Jan 12, 2011, 01:05 PM

Sounds like she's leading both of you on. If she can't make up her mind, then make up her mind for her and leave her behind.

Quit dragging this out.

jane69 · Jan 18, 2011, 05:51 PM

Did you break up with her in the first place? She is probably scared of being alone. If she leaves her boyfriend for you and things don't work out or you decide you don't like her anymore then she will be in a horrible situation and I can understand why she would be avoiding that. You need to have a final honest chat to her and say I really love you and I really want to work this out but I can't do it knowing you are with someone else, I want to be with you and I want to try everything I can to work out our past mistakes. But it's not fair you staying with your boyfriend because it will just hurt me even more in the long run, I want to give this a shot and if you can't leave him sorry but there's nothing for either of us here. AND That's IT! Leave it.. if she does not leave her boyfriend forget it you did your best and you are saving yourself from much hurt in the future