[nailed2awall]

Hello and thanks to any and all who answer my question,

Ok well the question is simple.. How do I make it stop? The problems not so much...

Ok to start I'm recently divorced, I have well, I had a 1 year old son she took him, and with her families money and crazy mothers advise I got nothing lost everything I went into and acquired during our marriage...

Next I've in a scene lost all access to my son, and that is the worst part of all.

Due to this immense pain I tried to kill myself, lets just say I should have just used a gun, better result less pain. Anyway 6 months of therapy, meds, counciling, family support, etc etc...

I can't stop thinking of my exwife, I never wanted to get divorced it was all her and I love her and my son both very much. Anyway...

I literally can't get them out of my head it is worse then torture in my opinion and my Doctor won't allow me to get ECT done to remove the memories of the marriage. I am in agony everyday all I do is sleep and read books on Cooping with lose and its all BS. Please help me I don't know what to do besides put a gun in my mouth and I really don't want to do that.

[Wondergirl]

First of all, ECT will not remove the memories of your marriage.

Why did she divorce you?

How did you lose all access to your son? You aren't allowed any custody at all?

Coping with loss is not BS. What are some of the techniques you've picked up? Have you put any into practice?

[DrBill100]

I can sure relate to your feelings. It feels like everything of importance has been taken from you and there's nothing you can do to fight it... but there are ways to get access to your son. There are ways to overcome her families money. In order to do that you will need to get your thinking straightened out, redirected. Please answer the questions posed by WonderGirl above and I bet we can get you pointed in a positive direction. Then you can put those books aside and get moving toward a personal solution that will at least reunite you with your son. But will need some more information.

As an aside, as a young man I went through much the same circumstance. There is a solution. I've done it.

[nailed2awall]

She divorced me cause well I just wasn't a good husband I guess, who knows.

Lost access to my son when I ended up in the hospital, she had a judge place an injunction on me for "Safety Reasons" even though I never did anything to "Abuse" her or my son. In the divorce she was given full sole custody and I was given no rights due to my "Mental State."

Oh and they still ordered my child support of $432.87/mo for 1 child. But that's not the issue really.

Techniques I've picked up hmmmm... Well if you want a list here are a few.

Bury myself in Work, Hobbies and other activities.

Go to support groups and counciling sessions,to deal with my issues.

There are a ton and I tried them... I just have this disdain for people which I never used to have. I would just assume to punch these "Group Goers" then listen to their sob stories that I don't feel relate to me at all.

I'm not going to bash what may work for one person, by all means if it helps just one then its worth being there, but I see a doctor once a week I take their meds that don't work but they assure me it will get better, but it doesn't.

As far as the ECT goes, the "Newer" way that they work it with the short bursts have dramatically less result on the memory they in the previous methods did with the steady streams, they are also doing clinical trials at the University of Oklahoma in regards of a pill that is suppose to remove large portions of memory that I may try to get into lol anything is worth getting my life back to "Before the War" as I like to call it.

I'm 29 years old and hold a Masters and Bachelors of science degree, so I don't run into things half cocked without the proper foot work to back myself. My Doctor was Speechless to say the least.

Anyway Thank you for your responses.

[nailed2awall]

Sorry I'm new to this so my answers are posted in the form of a response thanks though.

[Wondergirl]

She divorced me cause well I just wasn't a good husband I guess, who knows.

That's not good enough for me. Too vague. You really don't know why?

Lost access to my son when I ended up in the hospital, she had a judge place an injunction on me for "Safety Reasons" even though I never did anything to "Abuse" her or my son. In the divorce she was given full sole custody and I was given no rights due to my "Mental State."

How were you acting out? What were you doing to merit loss of your son? In the hospital? For what?

Oh and they still ordered my child support of $432.87/mo for 1 child. But that's not the issue really.

But you brought it up, so it must mean something to you. Not fair?

I take their meds that don't work

Do you take them when you are supposed to? At the correct dosage? (Ask me to tell you about my client Heather some day.)

previous methods [of ECT] steady streams

My grandmother had ECT during the '40s and '50s -- state hospital treatments that knocked her off the pallet she was on -- had few if any memory losses, but yet, many patients did have short-term memory losses back then. But then, there's always the lobotomy.

anything is worth getting my life back to "Before the War" as I like to call it

So you have no plans to learn from this experience?

I hold a Masters and Bachelors of science degree

Me too.

I don't run into things half cocked without the proper foot work to back myself.

Me either.

My Doctor was Speechless to say the least.

About what?

[DrBill100]

Supplemental to WonderGirl's questions, it would also be helpful to know the developmental sequence of your current state. Did your mood disorders occur after the marital discord or was there a pre-existing condition that was exacerbated by those events.

Also, while you mention hospitalization, "meds" and counseling, there is no mention of diagnosis. What exactly are you being treated for? For how long?

I wasn't familiar with the Oklahoma research until you mentioned it but the study on Memory XL would seem to operate in the opposite direction from your intent... that is it is being tested to restore cognitive impairment. To the best of my knowledge there is no pharmaceutical or method that can selectively target memories or even types of memory. That is well beyond what we know of brain processes at this point. The sometimes memory loss associated with ECT isn't by therapeutic plan or design. Rather, coincidental to the process. An unpredictable side effect.

[ITstudent2006]

By no means am I a doctor. I do not have a Masters in any field and have not went through a similar issue.

My opinion on this matter is based strictly on what you have written thus far and in no way should replace the advice given to you by those competent to help professionally.

When I read your post, I have mixed emotions. I obviously feel bad for the mere fact that you have lost everything you have worked toward. I could only imagine the feeling. Besides feeling bad, I feel as if you're not completely being honest. You say you have been hospitalized, treated, seen by a doctor once a week, take medications, been divorced, etc...

You don't go through all of this and not know what for, your wife had to give a reason for divorce. Whether you feel embarrassed or not, asking for help requires complete honesty and openness.

The more I read the more I feel as if you're just trying to run from your fears. You feel as if you can't control it anymore and now you just want to forget it ever happened. This is not what you should do. You owe to your son to try and get past this and lead a life outside of contemplating suicide and complete forgetfulness of your son.

I will refrain from replying anymore; unless requested to do so, and leave it to those more experienced in helping with this sort of situation.

I wish you the best of luck and want to wish you a Happy New Years!

[nailed2awall]

Ok lets see... Well I was raised in an Alcoholic family and thus turned into one... I dated and married this woman and she knew that I was daily drinker. I paid all my bills, went to work everyday, cooked all the meals, cleaned the house. I treated her,her family and friends always with respect and tried to not over due it, I never drank while in charge of my son or was under the influence. Anyway She asked me to stop drinking, and without hesitation I did. 4 months later she wanted a Divorce. Didn't like me I guess when I didn't drink.

I was in the hospital for Attempted, near successful Suicide attempt. I do take my meds as directed, and have been Alcohol free for over a year now.

Plans to learn from this?. That's the problem I can't get past this.

Anyway a Lobotomy sounds good about now.

[Wondergirl]

I was raised in an Alcoholic family and thus turned into one.

So it was a foregone conclusion?

She asked me to stop drinking, and without hesitation I did. 4 months later she wanted a Divorce. Didn't like me I guess when I didn't drink.

I'm still waiting for the real story.

have been Alcohol free for over a year now

That is a Very Good Thing.

Neil Steinberg, one of the Chicago Sun-Times columnists, went on a diet for all of 2010 -- and was successful, met his goal of losing 30 pounds. His column today said this, "The beauty of being an alcoholic (now there's two concepts you just don't see paired in the same sentence very often) is that you master — eventually, if you work at it — the crucial concepts of a) avoiding bad stuff completely because you don't want a little, you want a lot and b) doing the right thing consistently over a long period of time. I realized that, as with shots of whiskey, I didn't want one cookie, didn't want one scoop of ice cream, but lots of cookies, and lots of ice cream."

Plans to learn from this?. That's the problem I can't get past this.

Stick around. We'll help.

Anyway a Lobotomy sounds good about now.

Naw. It leaves a nasty scar, really messes up your looks and the way your hair lies.

[nailed2awall]

The real story... well to the best of my knowledge that is what I have told you, I have no reason to lie here, I don't know you and you don't know me so really no reason not to tell you what you ask.

I did however fail to mention that she lied to me by omission when I came home from work early one day and found a stack of bills in the mailbox, Her bills that totaled out to 43,000.00 in credit card debt. I paid it off, and she moved us in with her mother.

I hated her mother always had her nose in our business, she herself had been divorced 3-4 times and helping/talking her daughter into her first wasn't hard.

Anyway anything else you need to know hit me back. Thank you