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Goodeys · Dec 25, 2010, 06:06 PM

I've recently been dumped by my boyfriend who I am still very much in love with. I know that the only way to get over him is to cut all contact yet we have the same circle of friends. I also know that in order to get over him I need the support of my friends. What do I do? Sit in alone being miserable and wallowing or got out where I know he'll be along with my friends and make myself miserable and all the while keep thinking about how we can get back together or just turning on him as I'm so hurt. Both options do not seem very healing. What the hell do I do? Does anyone have a similar tale. I'm literally in bits and would do anything to get him back. Please help!

perryjim1234 · Dec 25, 2010, 06:19 PM

Maybe you won't like my answer! But what I decided to do was have a completely fresh start. So I really started looking at my options. I decided my real friends would stay real friends no matter what but that it wouldn't be healthy for me to put myself in a strange position.
I saved enough money for some flights and went away to collect my thoughts.
I've never looked back, I still live at the place I arrived after my troubles! I wouldn't change it for the world and who knows I might have another trip somewhere else in the world and find another paradise one day! Its never the end but the beginning of something amazing if you make it!

talaniman · Dec 25, 2010, 06:41 PM

Planning and preparation. No need to stay at home, just get out of your comfort zone for a while, and do something different with different people. Sure you will have your friends that you still see, and talk to, but break the group down to the ones you can hang with, without the group.

You may run into him, but just keep smiling, and go about your business. Fake that smile if you have to, but for now, just be polite and brief.

Its tougher when you can't go completely No Contact, but it can be done, and may take more effort, and a bit more time, but eventually you will be able to explore other opportunities. See this as a challenge, an obstacle to overcome, on your way to a better happiness that you can create for yourself.

Don't say butt, or I can't, say I WILL!!

Goodeys · Dec 25, 2010, 07:39 PM

Hi guys. I probably need to add more info. The guy who's just dumped me have known each other for 5yrs. We were together 18 months a year of which was spent living together. I am a single mum so upping and leaving even for a holiday isn't an option u fortunately. There's a small group of us that hang out all the time (well the free nights I get joins) so breaking down the group isn't really an option and it's a small town so everyone drinks in the same bar pretty much all of the time. The same bar that I have just started working in two nights a week. Since the split he has basically been on the piss for the entire time so I know that there is no way that he will not be in there. I hope to one day be friends with him again but at this time it is too painful. He told me that my son and I couldn't spend christmas with his family as planned a week ago, even as friends so I know if I ask him to stay out during my shifts he just wouldn't do it. Says loves me and my son but we can't be together. Wish I could just cut him out all together, at this point I still can't even stop texting him. All very pitiful. Feel like such a desperate loser! Argh!!

Goodeys · Dec 25, 2010, 07:40 PM

Thanks for your reply. Glad you found your way. Added more info above. Thx

joypulv · Dec 25, 2010, 08:14 PM

All you need is one or two friends who are willing to be 'yours' while you go through this. They don't need to take sides or lose him as a friend, just be with you, surround you, take you other places, go to your house. Promise to not put him down, even though that's the usual healthy way friends get you over someone, overdoing it to help you start feeling indignation instead of hurt.