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jiguripuff · Mar 29, 2008, 11:14 PM

Hi, I'm new! I've been reading a lot of the threads here and I'm learning so much.

My ex broke up with me about 9 days ago after 3.5 years together, 2.5 of which we lived together. So 9 days ago out of the blue he told me that he wasn't happy being with me anymore because I wouldn't tell him about little things that bothered me about the relationship and his friends thought I was a . (Side note, I've supported him through a lot of crap and forgave him after he cheated on me) At first I instituted NC but he kept texting me about how sad he was so I eventually started talking to him again. Today he said that he felt that he was too young to be living with me (he's 25) and that maybe in a few months we could try dating again. So blah blah blah... I decided tonight that I would be instituting NC in order to get over him because I don't think I can wait around for him to maybe come back one day. I will work on myself and becoming a better person.

I was friends with my ex before we started going out and we made a deal before we went out that we would still be friends if we broke up. My questions is, will this affect the possibility of being friends later? (My previous ex and I eventually became friends after a year in which I was studying abroad.) Should I tell him that I won't be contacting him and not to contact me?

Thanks!

joluvnme · Mar 30, 2008, 12:09 AM

I think it's a good idea to be friends with him after all you said you were friends before lovers plus you have a lot of time invested in each other to let go completely. So keep in touch and you never know your friend might become your man again if it was truly meant to be. Good luck!

ISneezeFunny · Mar 30, 2008, 12:33 AM

I disagree... in my opinion, you can be friends WAY after a relationship is over... but there's no need to be friends now. Only thing that can come up is hurt and sadness... as there'll be miscommunication...

I also feel like there'll be random hookups... and then sooner or later, one of you will start dating someone else, and then what?

Are you ready to see him with another girl? If the answer's no, then step away... let things heal... then you can approach the friendship lightly.

Don't worry about those deals... every couple makes those deals... the thing is, they always make those deals without realizing how the breakup would be.

ghandi500 · Mar 30, 2008, 03:03 AM

My current girlfriend and I were best friends before got together, then one day we ended up feeling more for each other than friendship, when we got together I promised her we'd always be friends, we had a temporary break up last year in which we "went back to being friends" IE back to chatting online almost daily going out sometimes and just generally being friendly with each other and stuff, we ended up getting back together because we realised what we were throwing away, but yes, its possible to stay friends after breaking up with someone, its harder to get over them, but if you really want to be friends then good luck:)

talaniman · Mar 30, 2008, 06:02 AM

I decided tonight that I would be instituting NC in order to get over him because I don't think I can wait around for him to maybe come back one day. I will work on myself and becoming a better person.

That's a brilliant plan.

I was friends with my ex before we started going out and we made a deal before we went out that we would still be friends if we broke up.

After the emotional dust has settled and you both have healed and gotten over each other, and moved on with your lives, friendship is possible, but for now, both of you must put healing FIRST.

Should I tell him that I won't be contacting him and not to contact me?

Actions are the only concerns for now. Telling him will only lead to one or the other, trying to get closure, and explain things, and be confusing. Just my opinion, but a clean break is best.

jiguripuff · Mar 30, 2008, 06:15 PM

Thanks for the answers guys!

I didn't even get through Day 1 of NC. I asked if he could pay me back my half of our shared things (furniture, TV, etc) and he gave me a long angry economics rant about how that would mean I was basically renting everything for free. What a jerk :( I guess I'll try NC again tomorrow