[mystific]

Before you moved to be together.. what happened on days where he didn't communicate with you? Did it concern you then? Did you let him know? Did you get over wrought with paranoia?

What did you did do, what were you doing while you were still long distant?

Do you have abandonment issues? Have you been left before?

Lots of questions. But I went through a similar stage with my ex at the beginning of our relationship. I had a lot of baggage that ended up being the key to my lost 'happy go lucky' attitude to life.

[Dstny618]

There was never a day that we didn't communicate while things were long distance. He would call everyday. At that point, I was OK. Things didn't really start getting bad for me until a few months ago when I moved to be with him. Then it was like I still wanted things to be like they were when we would see each other on our visits which of course in my right mind I know is just completely unrealistic. It's just that when I would get so much attention from him I felt needed by him and it's like I need to feel that or I freak out. That if he's not completely into me at all times he doesn't care for me like he did or he's losing interest. He hasn't done anything to make me feel this way... I am doing it to myself and I hate it!

I worked a lot, but would go out with friends when I would get the chance.

My dad left when I was very young, and there is one other relationship that stands out in which I had very strong feelings for a guy who just up and left. Could something like that really affect me like this?

[mystific]

Unfortunately I've no degree in psychology I only can work on my own theories and past personal experiences.

You lack of independence in my opinion is your biggest problem. You're relying on him to be your everything and he just can't do it and so on the flip side you're lashing out at him because you think he doesn't want to be there for you.

Do you work now? Have you made friends? Do you go out as often with out him?

There's nothing to say that your past experiences with a significant male role in your life could have come back to haunt you subliminly. 3rd times a charm right? Maybe sub consciously you're worried he will up and leave you like the others have? So you desperately are holding on to his every word that he loves you, wants you 'needs' you in his life so he won't leave you. If you hear him say it, read his texts everyday it must mean he's thinking of you every hour of the day, there's no need for him to fill any void of his day to think of anything else... like leaving.

If that's the case it doesn't work that way. He loves the strong vibrant independent woman he met. You have to gain back that self belief in yourself that you are a strong and beautiful and independent woman.

Because in reality that's the woman he's going to fight to be with.. not the simpering desperado who needs his nod of approval daily or the angry vixen who would happily rip his head off for the smallest of gestures.

[Dstny618]

All of what you are saying makes sense. I do want to go back to the woman I was when we met. Not just for him, but I need that for me. I do work, and I have made a few friends here. I have been out with them a couple times and I have fun, but I'm still always thinking of him. In the back of my mind I really am afraid that he will eventually leave. Which I know that if I do not fix my issues he will have no choice but to do just that.

[mystific]

So essentially you feel like you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't.

So let me try this another way. Purely hypothetical.

What if he was to leave tomorrow?
You'd feel sick with guilt, you'd be self loathing, depression would settle in and you'd want to curl up in a ball and just want to die. Right? And all because of your own insecurities.

Now. If you were to find yourself and become the empowering woman you were. Full of self importance, self love, self belief and knowledge that you had the dignity and self preservation to treat yourself better and with a higher regard and confidence, not only would it be of huge benefit to you but to your relationship, future relationships (friends or other), to you mentally, physically which in turn would have a significant impact on the way you see and feel about your past.

There are no certainties in this world. There's no 100% guarantees' that even if you were to reach into yourself now, and turn everything around it would be enough or in time to salvage your relationship. I truly hope that it would be. But you also need to sustain rejection. No matter what form it comes in at such a low ebb in your life any positive steps you take will knock you back 10. But you can do it. You are a strong, independent woman. It sounds so cliché.

There are so many other posters in here that have the most amazing outlook and positive reach on these forums than I. Redhead, Cat, Talaniman, Homegirl, Answerme.. only to name a few.. have some of the most self empowering posts. I'd go back and read through theirs. If you need to find words of wisdom, honestly, I've found it through here and through them mostly with things they've said.

I sincerely hope that you are able to find a glimmer of your former self, before its too late.

[Dstny618]

Just having found a place where I can openly admit that I do have a big issue that I need help with and have all of you that have cared enough to spend the time giving insight and advice on my particular situation really means a lot. I am just going to have to find a way to chase out the negative thoughts before they have a chance to bring me down and also look to get involved in things that will help me to realize myself worth. And not only that, but give me a chance to know that I can be just as important outside of this relationship as I feel like I need to be in it.

[mystific]

First step I believe is admitting you have a problem.

Not sure about the rest.. I bumbled my way through it. But made it eventually. Im one of the hard knocks in life.. learn it eventually but took every long route, every bump and hurdle along the way to get there... lol I don't do things easy :)

And you are important! Read it and believe it.

[Dstny618]

Haha, yes I seem to do things the hard way too but if that's what it takes! As long as it gets done is what matters in the end.

[Homegirl 50]

You are not in a normal dating situation. You dated long distance for a time and then packed up and moved in with him expecting everything to be perfect.
You are living in the fairytale.
You don't know him well enough to be secure in him or the relationship.
I think you should get your own place and date him like people date and get to know each other.