[KellyKlark]

I've been dating this guy for almost 2 years. He really is my prince charming. I have so many good things to say about him, it's a little corny. However, I'm posting on this site because I can't tell any of my friends/family what is going on in the relationship. I don't want to tell them because I don't think they should know by business.

So, before we started dating we were 'seeing each other', whatever that means. At that point, I recently broke up w/ a boy who I dated for almost 4 years. I was not ready, nor did I want a relationship... but I was crazy about this guy and didn't want to pass him up. That's why we were not officially dating/exclusive or what not. He also didn't want a relationship, at that point... so it was great. I had one condition for him, and that was if you start seeing someone else, or start being intimate with another girl... tell me. He said fine. Things went very well for a few months, until one day I find out that he was intimate with another girl when I went out for my friends birthday.

I know this girl. I worked with her. We all worked together. My boyfriend and I were keeping things a secret at work, so that there were no awkward situations. My point is that she was unaware of our 'thing' when they ''kissed/petted".

She started texting me how soft his lips were and things like that. i didn't even think that what she was saying was real because she has a joking personality and always says goofy sexual things about boys that she finds attractive.
He knew that she found him attractive ( I told him...dumb mistake)
I called him and told him about the text...in a laughing way.
He then told me that they kissed--for a minute. "it's not like we made out or anything". My heart flew out of my chest and landed on the floor next to me. Was I thank naïve to this text? How could I be such an idiot!
Basically, he starts explaining himself, told me that he's at a friends house right now, and he will call me back right when he leaves.So I was upset, called the girl and started asking more questions. Turns out that they didn't do a minute kiss like he said.
It was a long kiss, and apparently he went back to her house the next day. After I found this out I didn't know what to do. We weren't dating, but he lied to me. He called me back and I confronted him. He told me the truth... I know it was true because it matched up w/her story. He said he'd call the next day. He didn't call for a week, and he only called because my friend called him and told him that he should call. I didn't talk/see him for about two weeks. Then I saw him at my friends birthday. I gave him an ultimatum. Either we date, and cut the bull****... or we're done. Now we're dating.

Recently, I found out that he went into a hot-tub w/2 guys and a girl and didn't tell me. The funny thing is that I wouldn't have cared if he just told me, and I didn't have to find out a different way. But he lied to be because he thought id get mad. I told him if you think I'd get mad, why do you do it? If you're hiding things for me... maybe you shouldn't be doing them.
He confessed to me that he's had a lying problem for a while. I told him that it needs to change or I can't be with him. He said he knows, and he wants to be with me so if that means changing the lying then that's what he has to do. Now. It's been a month or so since the 'hot tub' event. I've absolutely lost ALL trust in him. I didn't think he lies to me about who he's with, but apparently he does. I don't know what to do. Again, he is an angel. He treats me so well, he gives me everything that I would want... but there's this. And this is huge. It's trust. It's what you build your relationship on. If there is no trust... there is no relationship. I know this. I know that I can't question him all the time because it stresses him out as well as myself. I think this relationship has potential, I just don't know what to do. What should I do?

I had to include all that detail because I want the most out of the answers I'll get.

[talaniman]

An angel that lies go figure. That's where you are going wrong, trusting a guy you work with that admits to lying and cheating and you don't trust him any more and that's the only good part as he is untrustworthy. So why are you even dating?

Go ahead, tell me about your feelings for him, that mean nothing in the face of facts. You have been in denial for 2 years, so its decision time.

[poggward]

I know this is the hard pill to swallow but it might not be worth going forward if there are trust issues at the beginning.

[Dstny618]

You can't tell your friends and family because you know what they would say. They would tell you that you are way too good to waste your time on someone who would lie/hide things from you like he does. He tells you that he is going to change, but the damage is done. It's happened too many times and you are always going to suspect that he is lying no matter what he does.