[butterfinger]

I'm trying to think of the best way to have this make sense..

In July I met a guy that wanted to be "buddies". I was in the midst of an on again off again relationship with a guy who didn't want to commit to a relationship but didn't want to let go so I thought why not, help me get over the other guy. From July to October we slowly started hanging out more, talked to each other daily.. slowly our casual friend relationship became more until he officially asked me to be his girlfriend (which sounds so jr. high-ish) the beginning of October.

During July and August I had sex with the other guy but broke it off at the very end of August because I felt like the buddy could become more.

During July-September he continued to see his ex's as buddies also. They were well aware that it was a sex situation and not a relationship but I was unaware that he was doing it. He says he did not have sex with them in September but I know that he hung out with one (went to the races the day before he asked me out) and talked on the phone with the other. I know that he did not have sex very often with them during this time (maybe a few times each).

He told me all of this in October when we started having issues with one of his ex's going psycho. She would call me, call him, etc. She threatened me and knew things about me that she should not have known.

We have been together officially now for 4 months. I believe him when he says that he wants to be with me, that he wouldn't cheat on me, that he loves me and wants to be with me forever... but every once in a while that little demon inside makes me so jealous of those times that he had sex with the exes while he was having sex with me. And the rational side of me that says you did the same.

So now, whenever I think about it too much I get upset, worried, weirded out in a nutshell. And I know he does the same. We both have trust issues from previous relationships and we are trying to find a way to not let it hurt our current relationship.

We have enough love between the two of us to make it forever... if we don't let the trust issues from last summer ruin it. Any suggestions or help to make this work?

[valinors_sorrow]

Since no one had lied this is easy. Agree to tell each other the truth no matter what and then let the passage of time teach each of you to trust each other. I don't know of any other way, frankly. Time is trust's greatest friend. When the little green eyed monster shows up on either of you, tell yourself "that is my insecurity telling me I have been lied to" and so then CHECK YOUR FACTS, look around, ask if necessary! If you have no evidence of being lied to, send that lil bugger packing!! Do that enough times and you'll eventually learn not to answer the door when jealousy comes knocking. Being in a relationship leaves everyone in it open to being betrayed. The cool thing is even though that would be a very painful thing, it is a survival event. Ease up on the anxiety over it by reminding yourself you don't need to react to it UNTIL it has occurred. Reacting to it before you've been betrayed will not prevent it nor will it allow your relationship to work! Relationships are about risk, period --and if you can't afford the risk, then you can't afford the relationship.