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insane36 · Sep 18, 2010, 08:43 AM

I have been dating my girlfriend now for almost 2 years. I believe we have a pretty good relationship. Recently I notice that anytime I try to engage her to have sex, she doesn't want to. After the second or third turn down, I asked her if she had a problem with me. She told me no. She explained to me that I was more than enough for her and that I please her in every way imaginable. She then explained to me that she felt a little funny having sex on Fridays and Saturdays. I asked why of course. She explained to me that because of her convictions, she didn't feel right having sex on a Friday or Saturday because Friday is the day before she goes to church and Saturday is the day of church. What religion is she? She is a Seven Day Adventist. I am Baptist. This wasn't an issue in the beginning but now she has a problem with sex on Fridays and Saturdays. I probably would have been OK with this if this has been addressed 24 months ago. Now the script has been flipped somewhat. I love her to death but this no sex on Fridays and Saturdays has me scratching my head. How do I handle this?

excon · Sep 18, 2010, 08:52 AM

Originally Posted by insane36

How do I handle this?

Hello I:

Two days?? TWO DAYS?? That's ALL she's asking of you?? Dude! Whack off if you can't wait.

excon

insane36 · Sep 18, 2010, 08:56 AM

Hello?! Now hear this... NO Wackin' off over here. If you are going to start something, be CONSISTENT about it. I have gone months no sex with her before. Two days won't hurt me. It's not about the frequency excon... it's about the consistency.

excon · Sep 18, 2010, 09:03 AM

Hello again, I:

She's allowed to change her mind. Women DO that. People are NOT consistent throughout their lives...

Look. I don't know what motivates religious people. I can't answer that. All I know is she's asking for two lousy days. It ain't much. You're lucky she's not a Mormon.

excon

insane36 · Sep 18, 2010, 09:07 AM

Foot Note: We ARE NOT having sex the other 5 days on a consistent basis. It's like a turkey shoot. Hit and miss. More missin' than hittin'.

Cat1864 · Sep 18, 2010, 09:15 AM

How old are you?

insane36 · Sep 18, 2010, 09:16 AM

34 and holding...

talaniman · Sep 18, 2010, 09:48 AM

Geez dude just respect her religious views, and find out what's going on the rest of the week. Its not unusual for the sex act to have ups, and downs, like anything in life, and you have to adjust, and if your living together, then you should know what's going on in your lives that affects any, or all areas of the relationship. Most situations pass, or change in time, but if you want consistent, look at the relationship as a whole, and not just one of many areas like sex.

Sometimes people just have more on their minds than just doing the wild thing, especially after the honeymoon is over, and the lust has worn off. Maybe you are not making love to her mind any more, and that thrill of new, and exciting has left.

It could be anything, because people, and relationship change all the time, for many reasons. Its your female, so take the time to see what's up with her, and find out what's on her mind, so you both can make adjustments. Its not unusual for one partner or another to become lazy and complacent in other areas of being together, that affects the sex part, but its your job to find out, and make the right changes, so you both can get what you need to be happy.

Unless you can get in her head, and understand how to work through any issue, you will never get to the consistency your looking for. Another thing to consider, maybe your lust, or need for sex, is not the same as hers any more, but if all you see are that your own needs are not being met, then you won't see hers, or the facts that her needs, are not as sexual as hers. May not even have anything to do with sex at all.

Pay attention to your woman, and be consistent, and make love to the mind, and the body will follow. If you consistently are at her about sex without realizing her mind is elsewhere, you sir, are in trouble, and so is the relationship. If all you see is lack of sex, then you need an attitude adjustment.

insane36 · Sep 18, 2010, 10:48 AM

@talaiman - u are preaching to the choir. What it boils down to is religious views and her conviction about having/not having sex on those 2 days. Not to toot my own horn but I take care of home. Mind, body, and soul. I am compassianate as well as consistent with my actions. I am the biggest romantic. I understand what it it means to make love to a woman's mind. But when your woman starts to deviate from the norm that's a red flag. I don't think I am being immature or spoiled about the situation.

And yes... women have the right to change their minds. If u are in a relationship with someone and that's what you want then that's what you should get.

Cat1864 · Sep 18, 2010, 11:20 AM

Originally Posted by insane36

But when ur woman starts to deviate from the norm that's a red flag. I don't think I am being immature or spoiled about the situation.

And yes....women have the right to change their minds. If u are in a relationship with someone and that's what you want then that's what you should get.

Please do not use chat speak. It is against site rules: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/faq.php?faq=vb_faq#faq_faq_rules

It sounds like she is settling down and part of that settling is getting more in touch with her religious views. She hasn't said that she doesn't feel comfortable with pre-marital sex and wants to cut sex out completely. She is saying that she is feeling conflicted about sex on those two days. Would you prefer to get what you want and have her feel bad about herself turning what should be a loving beautiful experience into an act of resentment?

Have you two sat down and discussed the future? Is that possibly where her change of perception is headed? I don't think you are so dense as to think that 'consistency' means a relationship stays at the same place for as long as you are happy with it.

insane36 · Sep 18, 2010, 11:27 AM

I think what I am really saying is sit down like an adult and talk to me instead of "cutting the lights off". That can send mix signals. I am not a difficult person to talk to. Hell, big teddy bear if you ask me. I just would like some communication.

Cat1864 · Sep 18, 2010, 11:38 AM

Originally Posted by insane36

I think what I am really saying is sit down like an adult and talk to me instead of "cutting the lights off". That can send mix signals. I am not a difficult person to talk to. Hell, big teddy bear if you ask me. I just would like some communication.

Until you asked, she may not have put her feelings into words or realized what she was doing/thinking. She may be trying to figure out what she needs and wants to be able to communicate them with you.

Enigma1999 · Sep 18, 2010, 12:33 PM

Can't you just pretend that Wednesday and Thursday are Friday and Saturday?

talaniman · Sep 18, 2010, 01:00 PM

QUOTE by insane36;
@talaiman - u are preaching to the choir. What it boils down to is religious views and her conviction about having/not having sex on those 2 days.

If you cannot accept or respect her emerging religious views, then you leave if you cannot talk about it. There are many ways a person communicates, and its not always by sitting down and expressing things with words. Maybe understanding, or at least exploring her religion will give you some insights into her thinking, and you can form an opinion, or make a decision, based on facts, and not just feelings.

Not to toot my own horn but I take care of home. Mind, body, and soul. I am compassionate as well as consistent with my actions. I am the biggest romantic. I understand what it it means to make love to a woman's mind.

I hear your confidence, but its not me you have to convince, its her. And I doubt that you have it down as pat as you say, after only 2 years. Heck I have been married 35 years, and still learning to identify, and adjust to the unique quirks of my wife, which are subject to change any second. I am sure she feels the same, as all of us humans grow until we die. Most of us any way.

But when your woman starts to deviate from the norm that's a red flag. I don't think I am being immature or spoiled about the situation.

Inexperienced with her personally, as you are obviously finding out more about her everyday. 2 years is rarely long enough to have met all the challenges you both will present to each other, now, and in the future. She is still with you is the only consistent that you can count on as she appears to be in a time of personal, and spiritual growth at this time. The norm is subject to change. Be flexible when things are not as consistent as YOU would like. Inflexibility stops the mind from accepting new facts.

And yes... women have the right to change their minds. If u are in a relationship with someone and that's what you want then that's what you should get.

I think you have consistent confused with inflexible. Consistent is the way you deal with changes, surprise, and reality. Inflexible deals with its own logic, and makes no room for change, surprise, or reality, or even compromise. Compromise through honest communications and a willingness to work together. These are consistent principles that all relationships depend on.

You seem to be consistently inflexible, unwilling to change, adjust, or explore, unless it fits your logic of what you expect it to be. That's why I suggest an attitude adjustment, to give you a different perspective to your reality.

DoulaLC · Sep 18, 2010, 01:10 PM

Is she home with you on those two days? I could see a concern more so if she were suddenly having to go visit a sick relative or hanging out with the girls on a regular basis on those two nights.

What happens when you initiate sex on other days/nights? It is not unusual for the frequency of sex to have its ebbs and flows throughout a relationship. Many start to cut back after being together for awhile and couples settle into what is comfortable for them. This will change from time to time however for a variety of reasons.

Acknowledge her feelings about skipping those days, but ask about compromising on the other days so that you both feel you are staying connected and feeling satisfied. Decide what you both can live with and be happy with.

beachloverjohn · Sep 18, 2010, 02:26 PM

I just want to add my two cents. Stop being so controlling. Respect her wishes and leave it alone. You don't own her body, and if she wants Friday and Saturday, or half the week, then so be it. It doesn't sound like you have any other issues, at least your not saying, so stop acting like you had some sort of contract with her to have sex seven nights a week. Keep pushing her, and she might cut you off completely.