[Romefalls19]

I merged your threads, please keep them all in one thread this way we get the whole back story

[xshorty_jessx]

How do I do that? And yeah getting help off the doctor I keep getting sick notes and I got tablets, I tried to take them but they made me ill so I stopped, I am trying really hard, I just feel so lonely and feel like I have nobody to talk to, I just need more company in my life, my biggest fear is being on my own :(

[Cat1864]

how do i do that? and yeah getting help off the doctor i keep getting sick notes and i got tablets, i tried to take them but they made me ill so i stopped, i am trying really hard, i just feel so lonely and feel like i have nobody to talk to, i just need more company in my life, my biggest fear is being on my own :(

If the medication isn't helping, you talk to your doctor and get it changed. You ask about support groups where you can talk to other people who have the same issues and you learn from each other you aren't alone in this.

You do a quick search and find these groups on your own:
Women Supporting Women
Depression Alliance in Lancashire - Beat Depression with Depression Groups in Clitheroe & Burnley, Lancashire

I am not sure 'company' is what you need. You seem to equate being alone with being lonely. Trust me, you can feel alone in the middle of a crowd if you aren't comfortable with yourself.

Do you have any hobbies or interests? You might look into community classes that cost very little but can give you a lot in return like new friendships and skills. In my 'city', they have everything from working with clay to weaving and music lessons at different times. They have also had meditation and yoga classes.

I think you have been stuck in a box for a long time. Can you come up with ways to think of things to do outside of it?

[xshorty_jessx]

Threads merged

Right I have wrote so many posts about me and my boyfriend, I don't feel happy in our relationship anymore, but I don't know if it's my fault or his really, but as you may know I am suffering from depression, I'm actually starting to feel like I'm better off dead, I'm having suicidal thoughts at least 5 times a day, my boyfriend is making me so miserable!
He knows that I don't have the money to go out with friends and that I like to spend time with him, but he tries to go out every sat without thinking about doing anything with me, but the thing is I hardly see him it's like I'm there for him after work, I see him on Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday nights, and I don't feel like this is enough! All I do on days I'm not with him is sit there moping and typing on my laptop I feel like throwing it out of the window!!
When I try to make plans with him he always has to make sure that his mates don't ask if he's doing anything, thing is he has to get drunk every bleeding weekend and it's driving me insane. I feel like he is being selfish towards me because he doesn't even think of my depression all he thinks of is himself he's never there for me but when I expect him to be there he goes mad at me and this makes me worse as I'm going through a stage of weakness anything horrible that goes on it makes me cry and get so upset and worked up.
This week he has been treating me like pure crap it's unreal, I text him about me looking for a job and getting mad because I don't seem to be getting anywhere but because I'm on the sick at the job I'm in now and been having time off college he has a dig about that by stressing at me saying it's all my fault I hardly get any money but he really doesn't understand my illness he says it's lazyiness and he gets so mad about it because he's in a full time job and has to pay tax, but I need a new job anyway because I do 5 hours every Sunday I did do 6:00 till 11:00pm when I were going out with my ex because I stopped at his after, but when we broke up they changed me 5:30-10:30pm so I could get the last bus, but because I have had time off they have put me back doing until 11 which means I have to fork out paying 8 pound for a taxi, I've worked all this out and I will only be getting 62 pound a month it's pointless, but he doesn't get why the doctor has gave me time off he doesn't notice how down I am lately I physically can't think straight at all I'm sick of constantly crying! I hate being a weak person because people think that they can walk over me. I just don't know what to do anymore I'm so depressed and hurting, I do have thoughts of ending things with him but my stupid little heart says no then I think about the good points of being with him but as the days get on he is changing and I don't even know who he is anymore, I feel like he has something on his mind which he is taking it out on me but this isn't right, I also feel like he is picking on me because when I go on about no money he tells me to go on job seekers but he is really mocking me, he's making me feel like a worthless piece of crap and a failure to do anything please someone help me? I punched the wall earlier when he told me he were going out next weekend as well as this weekend and I've really hurt myself I know it's self inflicted but I just don't think anymore I just feel like I have to hurt myself instead of hurting anyone else :( I hate being like this I just feel like I'm coming towards the end of my life, I were feeling better last week but this week as ruined me completely I'm tired of trying to get myself better when all I get is abuse of people who I expect not to get it off! I've found it very hard to express myself on this post but I do hope you understand it and sorry for those who told me to add it to a thread I don't know how to!

[xshorty_jessx]

Fair warning: Please stop creating new threads. Please keep all questions regarding the same issue in the same thread.

Hey people, it's been a while since I've had a problem, in fact me and my man have been getting on really well lately but we have now got a problem I used to go to his twice a week and the weekend but he goes out a lot of the Saturdays, his mum made a decision for me to only stop on weekends this really disappointed me and him so he told me he would sort something out but I stopped on Sunday as it were bank Monday and when it came to going home his mum allowed me to stop on that Monday as well and told us it didn't matter anymore and that she were just in a state last week, but now my boyfriend is telling me I can only see him once a week and on weekends which him and his mum both agreed and apparently she said seeing a girlfriend at his ages twice a week is more then enough this still isn't enough to me I just don't understand what's going on, so what do I do please someone help me cause I feel like our relationship will die with hardly seeing each other, thing is he is nearly 25 and paying board so this is a pee take in my eyes, he should get to do what ever he wants, I feel like he may be lying about it but I don't know I thought that when he told me I could only come on weekends but his mum defiantly said this as she told us that Monday, thing is I will miss him too much and I hate it! Could I not try speak to his mum about it, thing is he won't come to mine to see me which is frustrating he says it's too much money for travel, but it's okay for me to pay to come to see him I'm really confused please help!

[Cat1864]

hey people, it's been a while since I've had a problem, in fact me and my man have been getting on really well lately but we have now got a problem i used to go to his twice a week and the weekend but he goes out a lot of the Saturdays, his mum made a decision for me to only stop on weekends this really disappointed me and him so he told me he would sort something out but i stopped on Sunday as it were bank Monday and when it came to going home his mum allowed me to stop on that Monday as well and told us it didn't matter anymore and that she were just in a state last week, but now my boyfriend is telling me i can only see him once a week and on weekends which him and his mum both agreed and apparently she said seeing a gf at his ages twice a week is more then enough this still isn't enough to me i just don't understand what's going on, so what do i do please someone help me cause i feel like our relationship will die with hardly seeing each other, thing is he is nearly 25 and paying board so this is a pee take in my eyes, he should get to do what ever he wants, i feel like he may be lying about it but i don't know i thought that when he told me i could only come on weekends but his mum defiantly said this as she told us that Monday, thing is i will miss him too much and i hate it! could i not try speak to his mum about it, thing is he won't come to mine to see me which is frustrating he says it's too much money for travel, but it's okay for me to pay to come to see him i'm really confused please help!!

As of April 23, 2010, you were having problems with him. That was less than two weeks ago.

I don't know what his rental agreement with his mother is. That is between them.

With your past history of being overly dependent on him, he may well be using this as an excuse to distance himself in the relationship.

That you are spending your money to go see him and he spends all of his on social gatherings says that there is a huge dichotomy in the importance of the relationship between the two of you. What happens if you don't go visit him?

It may be time to actually look at the relationship and see if he is in it for anything more than the bed buddy who comes to him.

[xshorty_jessx]

Another thread merged with the others


I'm in such a big mess at the moment, recently me and my boyfriend have been going through such a hard time it's killing me, but despite all this the only person who's been there to listen to me and talk to is my boyfriends best friend of 20 years as he doesn't give me any grief like everyone else does, my boyfriend often plays victim and I'm made to be the bad one but his mate has really helped me out by telling him he's wrong and I've felt myself being attracted and close to him as he's caring and understanding, thing is he likes me to because we have discussed it because we both decided to be honest about things, he has made compliments that has boosted my confidence up, which my boyfriend never does, he's been there to listen to me when I have a problem unlike my boyfriend all sorts that my boyfriend should do but doesn't seem to. This guy also has a girlfriend who's also a very good friend to me and I don't want her to know what me and her boyfriend have been discussing I wouldn't want to hurt her but I can't help these feelings I have for her fella and he can't with me were both very confused and I need some advice big time cause I can't stop talking to him or seeing him, I'm worried that one day we won't be able to control ourself I don't want to hurt anyone and because I love my boyfriend I don't want to leave him my heads just in a strange place at the moment so is they anything anybody can suggest to me?

[floaton]

You got to distance yourself from the guy. If you love your boyfriend and don't want to hurt him then don't. If the girlfriend of the guy you're talking to is your friend and you don't want to hurt her either then back off.
Does he feel the same way about you? Do you really want to know? You may hear something you don't like.
Truth is you really have to stop talking to him so much and control yourself!

[talaniman]

Set boundaries of good behavior between you and don't cross them.

Or leave the boyfriend and back off from the friend, and get your head together and get beyond the weird place your head is in.

It still comes down to what you do about YOUR feelings, and if its getting to the point YOU or HIM cannot control yourselves, you have NO CHOICE, but to back away and remove yourself from the situation.

If your b/f behavior runs you to any one else's arms, then you need to end it.

Make a decision and follow through with it. I think your past the talking, ranting, and RUNNING AWAY FROM YOUR PROBLEMS!!

My gosh woman, you have had issues with this fellow every month this year, and that's after a failed relationship last year. Now you are falling for the only confidant you seem to have. HIS friend who has a girlfriend that's YOUR friend!!

Please, its time to deal with the REAL issue, that's YOU, and your big FEAR, being alone, as I am sorry you are out of control. You haven't even gone back to your doctor to have your meds adjusted. Come on now, get it done.

[xshorty_jessx]

Well me and my boyfriend are over now and I'm gutted but least it makes me stronger and I think you are right I am scared of being on my own I just hate it!

[talaniman]

You have made a lot of us here happy, now do what you have to do to make yourself happy with YOURSELF.

[xshorty_jessx]

Threads merged



Me and my boyfriend have now split and it's really hit me hard, I don't know what to do to get over him, I've deleted all contact from him but I just can't get him out of my head, is they anything else I can do to help me get over it? I thought we were going to get back as he told me we might, but earlier he went nasty on me and told me we didn't have a chance, I'm just so upset!

[talaniman]

Calm down as there are no quick fixes, just a hard process of healing to go through.

[xshorty_jessx]

I'm back with my recent feller, we have been getting on so well, but he seems bit insecure in trusting me which I don't know how he's gone like this. He's gone away till next week and I'm really missing him and today is the 1st day he's gone, I woke up in the early hours of this morning and decided to text him because it were a few hours till his flight to tell him bye and that and we were texting each other but I kept falling asleep in each text and he text me telling me I were taking ages to reply and asking if I had another lad here, which has really got to me as I isn't like that at all. When he arrived in Turkey he told me he got there safely and that he loved me which I were happy about but later on he were saying he knows when a girl is seeing another lad and told me I'd been acting strange but I don't know how he thinks that! Plus he also said that he maybe just being cautious and maybe I'm just trying to get pay back from him splitting with me, with him being so far away from me has got me so worried and I don't know how to resolve it, his mum just told me to stick to the plan which is going to his to be there for when he gets back but I don't want him thinking I'm doing anything like that and splittling with me while he's away I feel really helpless at the moment! Please help what do I do?

[talaniman]

Its terrible when two insecure people get together, as the communications is just way off, as each thinks the worst of every little thing, and you both worry about anything at all.

Innocent things shouldn't let to the imagination going wild and facts are what you need. Such as a simple "it 3:30 here and I can't stay awake" is a reasonable response, but the whole issue is in you BOTH being clear in thoughts, and actions, and thinking before speaking.

By the way, I doubt you can keep him from being insecure without calling him on it as reassurance is what he needs but there is a limit as to how far that goes, and when he gets carried away with his own imagination, you have to nip bad behavior, or bad reactions in the bud.

[Jake2008]

It sounds like he was worried, before he left.

You just got back together you said, was he with someone else after the breakup, before getting back with you?

Maybe its not you he is insecure about, maybe its himself.

For now, sit tight, and when he returns, in person, have a good stern talk to him. If he's already saying things like he knows when a girl is cheating and that you've been acting weird, as you said, and he 'jokes' about you having another man there, his jealousy and insecurity is showing.

It's not up to you to convince him that you aren't doing anything wrong. The question is, why is he saying things, and implying things that are not true, and is it going to stop.

[xshorty_jessx]

Yeah he told me he was seeing one before we got back but it didn't feel right cause he missed me, I just don't know what to do last night he were texting me really sweet stuff then he started going on about me seeing another guy again, and I promised him that I wasn't and all he said was deny all you want I know you are and I will prove it when I get back I mean what am I meant to do maybe he were drunk but I still don't like being accused of that spesh when I isn't that type of person I don't believe in cheating what so ever!

[talaniman]

Whatever his problem, its his to deal with, so let him deal with it without you paying the cost of his bad behavior.

[xshorty_jessx]

Right here goes, me and my man are going through such pain atm, he recently found out what I did with his best mate I slept with him when we split up but I regret it so much! And he admitted that he kissed my mate while we were still together so that really hurt but I have decided to forgive him, it's just him finding it hard to forgive me for what I did, but my head were all over the place and I wasn't thinking straight, I didn't think that we would get back together or that he cared about me! We have been back together a month and it's been that long for him to find out and now he just seems so down about it and he keeps telling me he's thinking of leaving me so that we don't put each other through the pain but then he cuddles me and tells me he loves me and couldn't lose me again and we have even been making love I'm just so confused about him I don't know what to do? If he went away from me it would kill me in fact I'm scared of how I will take it please someone help me!

[talaniman]

If you cannot remove yourself from this situation and his influence, you will continue to be miserable and in pain, so its YOUR decision to make.