[cuda54]

I am the mother of a 3 yr old daughter and 1 yr old son. I have been pretty good about time-outs and having guidelines (sometimes too strict?). When I use time-outs a lot, my daughter seems to act out more and more so I added ignoring some of the behavior and that seemed to help. My husband works nights 3x a week and on those nights I have the kids in bed by 8:30pm and all is usually well with an occasional tantrum here and there. When he is home it is almost impossible to stick to the same schedule, even if we do, the kids throw tantrums over and over. They cry and cry and cry and it is very very frustrating -- I have to give myself a time-out! When/If he puts them to bed it is constantly a struggle and I cannot convert him to follow my exact routine even when he does follow it, they (mostly the 3 yr old) still throw fits. I am trying to find ways to curb the behavior beyond what I have tried... any thoughts?

[Alty]

It sounds like the kids know that daddy will give in if they throw a fit. The only way to stop the behavior is to stick to the routine every day. Daddy has to get with the program.

At first they'll test you. They will scream because it's worked in the past. But, if you don't give in, eventually they'll decide that screaming isn't worth it, and they'll stop. It may take a while before that happens though, so you have to stick to your guns, don't give in. Every time you give in, you're teaching them that having a tantrum will get them what they want.

Your husband is the one that needs to stick to it the most. He's the weak link. So you have to sit down with him, tell him that it's important and that the kids need this routine, that he's the one disrupting it.

Good luck.

[martinizing2]

Have to spread the rep Alty but I agree 100%

Try to communicate to your husband the importance of you being consistent in these matters.

When the children discover that the result is the same from both parents , the behavior will adjust accordingly.

It is not an easy job raising children and takes work cooperation , and communication between the parents to make the task easier on everybody.

Keep talking to your husband stressing the importance of being consistent with the children.

I wish you well

[redhed35]

I agree with the othe posters,just to add,perhaps the kids are looking for some daddy time.

They want his attention,and their getting it,but not in a constructive way.

As well as getting your husband with the program perhaps let him bath and do the bedtime stories with the kids.

For the 3 year old it will be easier.

Using a picture chart with the days of the week also maybe a child's clock,show her when dad will be home and let her help get things ready for bath time and story time.

Getting her input will allow her some power over the situation and she will be more likely to corporate.

Also a star system for when she is good will also help towards good behaviour.

[Fr_Chuck]

And of course there can be two schedules, one for when you are alone and when for the nights when DAD is home.

Kids would know and adapt to such. If dad is involved and is doing things with the children, he may see a very early bedtime or certain things differently.

Remember just because you like YOUR schedule does not mean he does, and you can not force your way on him. The two have to either adapt one NEW way for all nights, or develp two specific ways for the different days.

[Alty]

Chuck, I do agree that two schedules may work when the kids are older, but at 3 and 1, consistency is best. I remember all too well when my son was younger. If we changed the schedule even one day, he was grumpy, whiny, and it took days to get him back on track.

She does need to talk to her husband and they both have to agree to a plan, to a schedule, I agree that she shouldn't force her schedule on him. They're both the parents and they need to work together.

[jmjoseph]

Do yourself a favor, get the book "Have A New Kid By Friday", by Dr. Kevin Leman. It teaches children, of all ages, that "B" isn't going to happen until "A" happens first. It will save your sanity.

You and your husband need to be on the same page with rules, and discipline. ALWAYS.

Good luck.

[cuda54]

Hey everyone - me and the hubby read your responses together and are working on a plan. We are getting the book, deciding on one schedule that can work for both of us and agree with the feedback and the importance of finding something we both can support and enforce. Thank you!!