[strongerthanthis]

I have been with my husband for 14 years. We have had problems throughout the years but we have never been so close to divorce before. We argue all the time and the majority of it revolves around his 17 year old, who wants nothing more than to see us divorced and the rest is about something he did that hurt me really bad. We have been struggling for months and now we both are just at a loss. I am extremely hurt by him and by what both of our kids are doing but more so his daughter. He is just tired of it all, the arguing, the hurt he sees when he looks at me. Two years ago we found out that we both had HPV ( genitial warts), niether of us know who got it because we were told that you could have it for years without any signs. I got rid of mine but he has had trouble getting rid of his. Now his self esteem is gone and he no longer wants sex as a result and then with everything else too. I have been struggling with all that has happened in general. I try to make every effort possible to fight for my marriage. I do everything for him and then some. I try to set aside time for us to spend together and when I do,it usually causes a problems with either him or one of the kids. I try to do special things for him. I try to show him everyday just how much I love him and want us to work through all this. I just feel completely alone and like he feels as though by still being here that he doesn't need to do any more than that. I have asked him repeatedly to show me more attention and affection and its like it goes in one ear and out the other. I try to talk to him about what is going on in my mind as not to keep him out. I try so hard and I just don't know what to do anymore. I am getting hurt more and more and I sont know how much pain one person is suppose to endure. But Im tired of it. I don't want anyone but my husband but in the last few days I have began to think that I should just find someone anyone to pay attention to me. I don't want to think like that. It makes me feel so bad. Any suggestions would be welcomed

[JudyKayTee]

Have you tried to talk through your problems with an unrelated third party?

Does he know how desperate you are?

If a child wants to see you divorced (after all these years) and he did something which you can't forgive or forget you do need to speak to someone, a professional, to sort through the problems.

[strongerthanthis]

No we haven't talk to a third party... Yes he knows and I think he is as desperate as I am but just don't know what to do... I know with time I can forgive and forget but it will take some time... As for my stepdaughter if she would just respect my marr

[talaniman]

If you have the option of changing back to the old skin, which is at the very top of the page in a yellow band, then you can have a complete input to this thread.

As to your problem, it seems like there is no united front between you and your husband, in which all the children are held to the same standard. That's usually the case when the kids can be the wedge that comes between man and wife. That's where I think you start, is to get these kids to understand what you define as the boundaries of good behavior that you expect them to stick too. You both have to put your house in order, before you can expect to have order between you.

[JudyKayTee]

I had one of those stepdaughters. Well, I suppose she's still my stepdaughter even though her father is deceased. He was divorced something like 17 years when we met and his ex-wife, her mother, had remarried.

I spent my entire marriage listening to her hopes that her parents would reconcile and she obviously was a young adult.

I learned to ignore her and my husband never let her come between us.

Sometimes you have to just turn deaf and/or stupid (!) but your husband should be on your side - is he?

[strongerthanthis]

To a point he is. 99% of the time he is right beside me on everything dealing with both kids. He is very upset with her over her treated towards me but he is at a lose as to how to handle it. Nothing either of us has done has made a difference.

[talaniman]

How old are these kids?

[strongerthanthis]

Stepdaughter just turned 17 and son is 12 1/2