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hunnypooh97 · Jul 6, 2010, 09:12 PM

Hi, I am pretty sure this is not a new topic.. but here is my story...

I dated a guy for about 2 yrs when I was in university.. we lived in the same city but he went to an out of town university.. we were each other's first love.. anyway, we broke up for some stupid reasons(lets just say we were young and naïve who didn't know better and how to handle things).. we still remained friends for a little while.. I ended up start dating someone else and he was so hurt that he decided to cut me off for good because he wanted to "have the best memories of me".. we have no contact ever since.. I know he has moved back to his home country and I have changed addresses twice and contact # numerous times.. I have dated a few guys after but we never connected the way I did with this first love..

Anyway, I am now happily married to a wonderful guy and life is as perfect as it can be, I would not want to trade this with anything in the world..
However, it just recently hit me that I still wonder how this ex is doing.. it won't bother me whatever the outcome is but I just want to know.. I think I am just looking for a closure which I may never get.. I have no plans to go all out and act like a stalker (kind of hard because we live in different ends of the world) or even risk my marriage at all (I love my husband 200%).. am I crazy? Thanks.

ISneezeFunny · Jul 6, 2010, 09:24 PM

No I don't think so... in fact, because of Facebook and such, more and more people are getting in touch with their exes and high school sweethearts after decades. I don't see why it's wrong to just think about him.

hunnypooh97 · Jul 6, 2010, 11:30 PM

I forgot to mention I did try to search him on Facebook but nothing there.. he either put his profile on high privacy or he simply is not a member.. since our story happened such long time ago and our ways of communications was quite "old" (think icq

hunnypooh97 · Jul 7, 2010, 07:08 AM

Sorry I am new to this site I didn't realize the up/down arrows to ISneezeFunny are the "disagree" and "agree" buttons I didn't mean that.. and I don't know how to remove them.. sorry.. :(

1800proof · Jul 7, 2010, 08:40 AM

No, it's not crazy to be curious. I've searched a few of my exes online and even have my high school girlfriend on my Facebook. She and I dated when we were 15-17 and we are both 36 now. It's nice chatting after all these years and seeing how they're doing. Just don't get obsessive and hurt your marriage in any way.

positiveparent · Jul 7, 2010, 05:35 PM

I agree its not crazy but it could be dangerous.

However you'll need to remember that after 10 years you're now two totally different people, he's possibly married with children as you are.

So if you do manage to locate him be aware that he is probably married and his wife might not relish and ex g/f contacting her husband.

The there's your own husband to consider does he know what you hope to do in regards to the ex b/f.

You need to consider other people if you plan to try to regain contact with the ex.

Then there's a possibility the ex won't want to resume contact with you, or he might just for the short term, so if you find him be aware of these things.

Also prepare to accept you may not locate him, and just keep your memories of him as your momentos.

We all or most of us remember our first loves. Its ensuring we keep them as memories and not start to obsess over them is what we need to do in the right manner.

hunnypooh97 · Jul 7, 2010, 06:54 PM

I understand the potential danger in this.. so its kind of like my own little secret.. I can't explain why I am acting the way I am right now because it never happen before.. maybe I have realized I am now at another stage of my life so I am feeling nostalgic.. don't get me wrong but I definitely do not want to relive the past though.. but I guess it's the bits and pieces of my "younger days" that I am missing.. those happy, sad, bittersweet, fun moments.. not solely because of this ex.. but he was part of the memories..

Anyway, its not that I am planning to have a reunion with him or any sort.. as I mentioned previouly I don't want to create any disturbance to anyone's life..
I most likely won't able to locate him because I am not going to go all out to do that.. I am pretty sure he is married as I am and probably have kids by now.. like I said he probably doesn't want to have anything to do with me.. I don't really need to "contact" him.. but I just wonder how he is doing right now.. it can be an update of him from a third part (unfortunately we have no mutual friends).. that's all I need to know.. the "closure" that I am looking for..

I agree with you most of us remember our first loves.. and I can honestly say I feel pity the way things ended between us and not that I still love him.. maybe this part of memories is like a very small soft spot that is buried deep down in my heart and it can just be my momentos..

Shadowburn · Jul 8, 2010, 07:44 AM

I don't think it's crazy to think about him every once in awhile - he was big part of your life back then. But contacting him would be crazy. Let past be the past. You're happily married, considered yourself blessed. You don't need this man in your life.

hunnypooh97 · Jul 8, 2010, 08:01 AM

Oops.. typo.. sorry I meant third party.. not part*

I wish · Jul 8, 2010, 08:44 AM

It's never easy to end a relationship without proper closure. But as we say, closure also comes from within yourself.

Think about it, seeing him again has the potential to be like opening 10 cans of worms. But it can also give you the closure that you wanted so that you can move on fully with your life. It's as high risk, high reward type of scenario.

Are you prepared to face such consequences?

Maybe it's better the way it is now. You had a great relationship with him in University. He does have a point in saying that he wants to only remember all the good things about the relationship.

You have found happiness now. I would say, try your best to find peace within yourself and not let your curiosity get the best of you.

There's always a chance that you will cross paths in the future. But let fate/luck/fluke (whichever you believe in) decide that and not stalker mode like you said.

talaniman · Jul 8, 2010, 09:04 PM

I get those feelings from time to time, and get curious, but never felt the need to act on them. To busy with reality, and grand kids.

hunnypooh97 · Jul 13, 2010, 07:49 AM

Thank you very much everyone for all the feedbacks.. like I said since I never felt this way before for the past 10+ (more like 11) yrs so I panicked a bit.. or the stress that I have been facing (life, work, etc) is making me to think "irrationally"...

Its true it is like a (or more) can of worms and I might not able to handle the consequences.. it is probably best that I should try to find peace within myself..
To "I wish", I believe in fate so maybe like you said I will just let fate to decide if me and him ever cross path again.. and if it doesn't happen I guess it is what it is..