[talaniman]

We are here whenever you need us.

[confusedbroken13]

Its been almost 3 weeks and I have talked to both my soon to be ex husband and stepdaughter over the phone. My stbeh has called to find out how his son is doing and to talk to me. He apologizes and says that he is worried about me and our child. He has agreed not to fight the divorce and he has told the police everything. He has asked to be left in jail until his court date. Ive told him that I had no intentions of bailing him out and I didn't think anyone else would either. I feel kind of bad ffor being so harsh but I feel as though he needs to know that we only have our son in common now.
I have spoken to my stepdaughter several times and she is very angry with me. She says she doesn't understand why I had him arrested and her put away. I have tried to explain to her that she needs help fpr how she feels and what they did. I have spoken with her therapist and they do not believe that she will be getting out anytime soon. She has told them that she is in love with her dad and that she is not wrong for her feelings and that she will try to be with him when they are both free. She has told them that she doesn't want her dad to be her dad but in her words her lover. She has been adament that they did not actually have sex but that she wanted too. She has told them that she knew he would regret it but it didn't matter to her. She has told them that she feels as though she can/could help him through all of this and make him feel the way she does. The therapist have said that they believe she has bipolar and PTSD from her childhood, attachment disorder and personality disorder. They have medicated her and they say it will take several weeks before there is signs of improvement. The therapist have asked that I continue contact with her. It is really hard especially when she blames me for everything. She is very rude and direspectful towards me but she calls every night. I haven't went to see her. I am planning to in the next week or so. It will be a drive for me.
I have started therapy for myself and my son. I am coping to the best of my abilities. My son only knows that his dad had to go to jail for something bad and his sister needed round the clock care by professionals. I have decided that until his therapist feels he needs to know the truth that I am going to protect him from all of this. He missed his old life and he ask when his daddy and sister will be home. I try to explain that we are starting a new life and it may be a while before he gets to see either of them. This saddens him and saddens me. I let him talk over the phone with both of them but I listen in to insure nothing out of the way is said. His dad tells him that he is sorry and that he loves him and its his fault that we are having to start a new life. My stbeh tries to answer our sons questions but respect my decisions on things. My step daughter tells him that she is on a vacation and they joke around.
I have spoken with the DA and I am working closely with him. He doesn't know if my ex will serve prison time or not. They made commit him to a facilty instead of prison. They are planning on having him evaulated.
I am taking things on a day to day basis and talking to my therapist. I apprecaite all the post and just wanted to update everyone. Thanks

[talaniman]

Everyone is in a better place to get help with there issues and I am glad to hear your getting help for yourselves and your son too. That's great as you were both victims of crazy sick people beyond your understand, knowledge, and control, and that's my only concern, the help YOU get.

You are in our prayers.

[Cat1864]

Thank you for the update. I am glad that everyone is hopefully getting helped.

The strength you are showing is truly inspirational.

May that strength see you through the dark times and help you heal and build a better future for you and your son.

[jmjoseph]

God bless you.

[aimee_tt]

I just read this and had visions while reading it. I can only imagine what your going through but at the same time it makes me feel sick.

I am happy that you got yourself and your son out of that situation. Also that you got both your ex husband and his daughter the right treatment.

I hope you both come out fine after this and live a happy life. Oh if I could hug you id give you a big bear hug!

[Jake2008]

I have to ask you why you are maintaining contact with your husband, and his daughter.

Being involved to the point of speaking to her therapist, and talking to your husband, means that you have not made a clean break for either of them.

I'm happy that your step daughter is getting the help she needs, and with the working diagnosis so soon into treatment, shows progress for her, and that's wonderful.

Your husband possibly having alternative measures, i.e. treatment, to jail, does not mean that he will benefit from it. At some point he will be back in the picture, as will his daughter.

Why are you involved with either of them, knowing that their relationship will likely resume at some level eventually.

While it is nice that you know what's going on with them, why are you so involved.

You have a son to think about, and his emotional well being. You will be divorcing him, and with what has happened, you likely don't have to worry about joint custody. His daughter, while you provided a good home and help for her; isn't your job done now?

You keeping in such close contact with them, does not seem, somehow appropriate if that's the right word.

Do you think that you will ever let them go?

[Cat1864]

I have to ask you why you are maintaining contact with your husband, and his daughter.

Jake, her soon-to-be ex is the boy's biological father which makes the girl his half-sister. Since they are blood relation to him, it might be better to stay in contact and make certain that they are getting the help they need now rather than the son contacting them when he is an adult and not prepared for what he might find.

If it weren't for the biological factor, I would say cut all personal contact and allow lawyers to sort out the mess.

[Jake2008]

I hear you Kat. Even though he is the biological father of the son, she could make a strong case for him having no contact with him. Or make all the arrangements for the divorce/custody etc. through only the lawyers. I would not be speaking to him on the phone personally.

At the very least if it ever came to it, I would insist on supervised visitation.

And while the stepdaughter is a half sister to the son, she is also one that I would not allow contact with, and, if it came to some arrangement for her to see him, that too would be supervised.

Let's hope that the father and his daughter both benefit from therapy to ever reach that point.

[grandmaknows]

I'm sorry to tell you this but your husband is a pervert and that probably has nothing to do with the injury. He knew well enough to wait until you left the house and then go into your stepdaughter's room to have sex with her. He's probably been molesting and raping her who knows since how long ago. You need to stop defending him and call the cops on him. And please stop putting the blame on your stepdaughter. He is an adult and she is the minor- he is the sick pervert. Since you already know of this disgustingly sick incestuous relationship, if you don't call the authorities then you are as guilty as your husband for allowing it to continue. I'm sorry if I'm being harsh on you but you are wrong putting the blame on the child while you are trying excuse your husband's behavior. And please keep a very close eye on your son because he could be your husband's next victim. It's very difficult to realize that your husband is capable of such despicable actions; get help for yourself as well. Good luck.

[grandmaknows]

Confusedbroken13- I didn't realize this post had two more pages. I just finished reading your updates and I'm glad to hear your husband is away from your stepdaughter and son and that you are all getting the help you need. I'm so sorry that your stepdaughter is so messed up but it is very likely that she has been a victim of sexual abuse for a long time. Stay strong and be there for your son... he needs you strong. Best wishes.

[Cat1864]

grandmaknows, I am going to guess that you didn't read the entire thread before responding. It is usually a very good idea to read all of the posts in a thread because more information and updates generally change the advice that is needed.

In this case, she and her son have left the house and are in therapy. He is in jail and the girl has been committed.

Editted to add: Your second post came in just as I started typing. Thank you for continuing to read the thread.

[mrshodges]

Just wanted to wish you good luck and I hope you have a great life.