How do you forgive the unforgivable?
Let me begin by giving some background information.
I am married to my best friend of 18 years. We celebrated our five year wedding anniversary this past Valentine's Day. We have a 12 yr old son together. In August 2007, we fought and gained custody of his 14 yr old daughter. We both wanted her to come live with us and was happy that we were able to make it happen.
Within a few days of her moving in, my husband had a accident at work and almost died, he was hit in the front of his head with a tree. He suffered brain damage. He is still able to function but he has trouble remembering things and he is real quick tempered and suffers pains in his head where he was hit. He struggles with confusion. My stepdaughter has put us through hell since moving in with us and 8 months ago she ( at the age of 16) admitted that she was in love with her dad and wanted a sexual relationship with him.
I am trying to summarize to get to point. I struggled with her feelings because she told me in detail how she dreamt about having sex with her dad, how she wanted me out of his life, how she didn't think he loved me, she told me how she thought I wasn't good enough, pretty enough. She had this all planned out to get me out of the house. She didn't care who she hurt. I was real close to her before she moved in and then I have tried and tried with her.
I always knew that my husband didn't look at his child that way. I never had trust issues with him. I didn't trust his daughter, she had tainted every aspect of their relationship. SHe had told me how she liked his body against hers when they hugged or how she thought of him as her man when they would walk around the yard and talk. I mean everything was tainted by her sick feelings.
My husband and I began to argue a lot. He just wanted everything to go away and none of it be real and I just wanted and needed him to understand that I feared what she was going to do. It got to the point that I was so uncomfortable in my own home. I didn't want them alone for the fear that she might come on to him or cause problems afterwards.
Every time I tried to talk to my husband, we would argue and he would think that I was accusing him of wanting something sick with his own child. A month ago, she was out of school and I went to my husband and I just wanted him to see that I was trying and I wanted to make things better. I agreed to leave them at home while I took our son to school. She would be asleep. I woke my husband up before I left and he went to lay on the couch. WHen I arrived home, I was excited to come in and tell my husband that I did okay. I just wanted him to be proud of me but he wasn't in the living room so I went to our room and he wasn't there and I heard moaning and heavy breathing. I looked around the corner and he was laying on her bed and she was on top of him bumping and grinding. I started screaming his name and ran down the hall.
I couldn't believe it. I had to go back down the hall again before they stopped. He was just laying there with his hands behind his head. They both were naked. When she got off him and he got dressed, he didn't have a hard on or anything, he was sweaty. I asked him why and he couldn't tell me. He said he had went in there to wake her up and tell her he was proud of her because he felt she had been trying to change lately and he hugged her and then pulled her shirt off. He said he didn't know why. They both said that he wasn't inside of her so they actually didn't have sex but still. He kept telling me that he did this, that she didn't. I feel as though it was both of them.
I have an inner feeling that she made a move on him and he doesn't want me to know. Im afriad that his brain injury may have caused him to do this. I want my marriage. I know what he done was wrong on every level but who ever he was in that bedroom that morning isn't the man I have known for eighteen years. I have no desire to forgive his daughter and I am just counting the days until she moves out. I do have a desire to forgive my husband though. I know he regrets what he has done and if he had his way he would be killed for his actions.
He has begged me to call the police on them and has tried hisself and I won't let him. I don't think that he derserves that when nothing would be done to her. He feels awful because I still love him and I am still here and want my marriage. He doesn't understand how I could. I really don't know how to explain it other than my heart can't stop loving just because its broken and destroyed and I married for life, for better or worse. How do you forgive the unforgivable?