[eveamee09]

Hi, just popped on here very briefly before I pop out shopping... positiveparent what's wrong? Are you okay? I hope nothing has happened that has made you want to stop talking on this site :S Apologies in advance if it's anything to do with me.

Thank you I will contact you in other ways if I need to, but I hope you are okay? You have been such a wonderful help and very strengthening to me (and I'm sure to others on here too) so I want to thank you for that! I hope to talk to you soon. I will email you later if that is okay.

Best wishes and thanks again

And thanks to you Kit also, you've also helped me more than you'll ever know. X

[JudyKayTee]

Back to OP's question? I think - and have found - it's a mistake to replace one relationship with another. Until and unless you are willing to move on you do disservice to yourself as well as anyone you meet.

I think OP has to come to grips with where she is, what she wants, and then go to clubs or do whatever - if she is going to entertain herself, fine. If she is going to attract men, I think it's a mistake.

[ruby_holler]

That's horrible! I'm really sorry that things ended up that way. But have you ever thouht maybe it's for the best and it wasn't meant to be I know you've given it tons of thought. I'm no expert but I try to help as much as I can.

[positiveparent]

Hi Katie I have found out some more affirmations you can use before going to meet with the ex.

I am.
I am a good person.
I am loved.
I am love.
I am worthy of prosperity.
I am worthy of abundance.
I am worthy of joy.
I am worthy of happiness.
I am perfect health.
I am perfect order.
I am always successful.
I am mentally clear.
I am responsible for my life.
I am responsible for my life only.
I am free to choose the direction of my life.
I am choosing the direction of my life.
I am in control of my life.
I am in control of my life only.
I am blessing everyone and everything in my life.
I am safe and secure.
I am completely safe and secure.
I am forgiven.
I am forgiving all others.
I am at peace with myself.
I am at peace with the world.
I am open to all knowledge.
I am letting the knowledge reveal truth.
I am open to all truth.
I am open only to truth.
I am living in truth.
I am truth.
I am in my perfect career now.
I am being myself.
I am open to my perfect loving partner now.
I am open to let my life's purpose reveal itself to me now.
I am ready to receive my good.
I am courage.
I am whole.
I am eternal.
I am living in eternity now.
I am living in the present now.
I am loving myself.
I am loving all others.
I am providing good in this world.
I am allowing good into all phases of my life.

[Kitkat22]

Hi Katie I have found out some more affirmations you can use before going to meet with the ex.

I am.
I am a good person.
I am loved.
I am love.
I am worthy of prosperity.
I am worthy of abundance.
I am worthy of joy.
I am worthy of happiness.
I am perfect health.
I am perfect order.
I am always successful.
I am mentally clear.
I am responsible for my life.
I am responsible for my life only.
I am free to choose the direction of my life.
I am choosing the direction of my life.
I am in control of my life.
I am in control of my life only.
I am blessing everyone and everything in my life.
I am safe and secure.
I am completely safe and secure.
I am forgiven.
I am forgiving all others.
I am at peace with myself.
I am at peace with the world.
I am open to all knowledge.
I am letting the knowledge reveal truth.
I am open to all truth.
I am open only to truth.
I am living in truth.
I am truth.
I am in my perfect career now.
I am being myself.
I am open to my perfect loving partner now.
I am open to let my life's purpose reveal itself to me now.
I am ready to receive my good.
I am courage.
I am whole.
I am eternal.
I am living in eternity now.
I am living in the present now.
I am loving myself.
I am loving all others.
I am providing good in this world.
I am allowing good into all phases of my life.

Good list... Kit:)

[eveamee09]

Hi Katie I have found out some more affirmations you can use before going to meet with the ex.

I am.
I am a good person.
I am loved.
I am love.
I am worthy of prosperity.
I am worthy of abundance.
I am worthy of joy.
I am worthy of happiness.
I am perfect health.
I am perfect order.
I am always successful.
I am mentally clear.
I am responsible for my life.
I am responsible for my life only.
I am free to choose the direction of my life.
I am choosing the direction of my life.
I am in control of my life.
I am in control of my life only.
I am blessing everyone and everything in my life.
I am safe and secure.
I am completely safe and secure.
I am forgiven.
I am forgiving all others.
I am at peace with myself.
I am at peace with the world.
I am open to all knowledge.
I am letting the knowledge reveal truth.
I am open to all truth.
I am open only to truth.
I am living in truth.
I am truth.
I am in my perfect career now.
I am being myself.
I am open to my perfect loving partner now.
I am open to let my life's purpose reveal itself to me now.
I am ready to receive my good.
I am courage.
I am whole.
I am eternal.
I am living in eternity now.
I am living in the present now.
I am loving myself.
I am loving all others.
I am providing good in this world.
I am allowing good into all phases of my life.

Thanks, this list is really good and really helpful. I had a great night out clubbing last night by the way, really enjoyed spending time with my friends and dancing. Got a bit of male attention but just ignored them as I'm really not interested in that right now. I texted my boyfriend today and basically asked him if he was free to meet up on Tuesday. He hasn't replied. I'm expecting that he hasn't replied because either a) He doesn't want to appear too desperate and reply straight away, he wants to keep me hanging for a couple of days so he can regain some control and then suggest a different time (i.e. Monday would suit me better) etc... or b) because he's still asleep. I think it's a), personally. He is very much someone who likes being in control (as I'm sure you've all realised!) and so will probably meet me, but on his terms, when he says it, and after a 2 day delay after keeping me waiting, if you get me. Anyway we shall see. I will let you know what happens. I am very nervous though, but the info that I've been given on here should help immensely. Even though I feel like a small part of me is missing (him), I feel like an even bigger part of me has come back (the self that I lost when I was with him).

Thanks again, will let you know. Hope everybody is well. Xx

[Kitkat22]

Thanks, this list is really good and really helpful. I had a great night out clubbing last night by the way, really enjoyed spending time with my friends and dancing. Got a bit of male attention but just ignored them as I'm really not interested in that right now. I texted my boyfriend today and basically asked him if he was free to meet up on Tuesday. He hasn't replied. I'm expecting that he hasn't replied because either a) He doesn't want to appear too desperate and reply straight away, he wants to keep me hanging for a couple of days so he can regain some control and then suggest a different time (i.e. Monday would suit me better) etc... or b) because he's still asleep. I think it's a), personally. He is very much someone who likes being in control (as I'm sure you've all realised!) and so will probably meet me, but on his terms, when he says it, and after a 2 day delay after keeping me waiting, if you get me. Anyway we shall see. I will let you know what happens. I am very nervous though, but the info that I've been given on here should help immensely. Even though I feel like a small part of me is missing (him), I feel like an even bigger part of me has come back (the self that I lost when I was with him).

Thanks again, will let you know. Hope everybody is well. xx

Good Luck... let us know how it goes!

[positiveparent]

Hi Katie, just to say Im pleased you had a night out last night.

As we've already gone over in earlier posts you don't have to go out looking for males, this time is your time, for you and only you, so do your own thing for you and only you.

Ill look for you tomorrow on ebuddy, was it, LOL anyway that chat site.

Ill be on after 6pm its Fathers Day so going up my Dads.

Hi Kit hope you're having a good day, with grankids?? Till ater

[Kitkat22]

Hi Katie, just to say Im pleased you had a night out last night.

As weve already gone over in earlier posts you dont have to go out looking for males, this time is your time, for you and only you, so do your own thing for you and only you.

Ill look for you tomorrow on ebuddy, was it, LOL anyway that chat site.

Ill be on after 6pm its Fathers Day so going up my Dads.

Hi Kit hope youre having a good day, with grankids ??? till ater

Katie.. Parent is right.. I know you're too smart to jump back into a relationship right away. Be careful... have a good day... :)

[eveamee09]

Hi everybody! Glad you're okay! Happy Father's Day everyone, enjoy time with your Dads. Yes you're both right, now it's "me" time, not "guy" time! I'm actually quite excited underneath it all!

He replied to my text by the way and simply said that yes he would meet me on Tuesday. I am pleased as now I can plan what to do and say etc.

PositiveParent, I would LOVE to chat to you on e-buddy, only my sister is staying with me here at University for the weekend and we have planned to go out this evening so I can show her the sights. I am sure there will be another day shortly when we can have a good chat! I hope you enjoy time at your Dad's and that you Kit also have fun.

Went out again last night to a nice Bar for some pool and some chats with nice people. Am enjoying myself at the moment. Thanks again for all your support x

[positiveparent]

Of course that's fine you've got your own life to live, so anytime is fine by me.

Great to know you're going out and socialising. Till later...

[Kitkat22]

Of course thats fine youve got your own life to live, so anytime is fine by me.

Great to know youre going out and socialising. Till later...

I'm thinking of my dad today. He went to be with the Lord eight years ago... This is the first fathers day since he's been gone.. that I haven't cried. He's with the Lord and I'll see him again soon. Happy for you. Positive hope you and the hubby and kiddies have a good day.

[eveamee09]

I'm thinking of my dad today. He went to be with the Lord eight years ago.....This is the first fathers day since he's been gone..that I haven't cried. He's with the Lord and I'll see him again soon. Happy for you. Positive hope you and the hubby and kiddies have a good day.

Hi Kit, sorry to hear this, I am really pleased that you have managed to stay strong today and I'm sure he would be proud of you :) He also knows you are thinking of him and knows that you love him! I hope you've both had a good day too. Lots of love to all

[Kitkat22]

Hi Kit, sorry to hear this, I am really pleased that you have managed to stay strong today and I'm sure he would be proud of you :) He also knows you are thinking of him and knows that you love him! I hope you've both had a good day too. Lots of love to all

Glad you are almost through this! Tuesday... glad it will be over. You stay strong! :)

[eveamee09]

Thank you. Just a bit of an update for you.

He tried to call me earlier but I didn't answer. Instead I texted him saying "What's wrong? Is everything okay?" because I was worried about him. He replied and said that he wanted to make arrangements for Tuesday. I told him that I'd meet him at a park near my house at 12 midday (and for me to drive there myself). He suggested instead that he would pick me up and go to Savill Gardens which is a beautiful botanical garden like place in Windsor. It's very romantic. Obviously I said no. So he agreed and we left it at that.

Then, about 15 minutes ago, he sent me a text saying "Im sorry katie but unless we speak briefly on the phone before tuesday. I dont want to meet up."

So I haven't replied. If he keeps pushing it, I'll say fine we won't meet then, but there's no way I'm speaking to him before then because all he'll do is try to manipulate me. That's fair isn't it? If he doesn't want to meet me then fine, I'm not going to force him and at the end of the day it'll be bad on him as all it would do is drag it out longer! What do you think?

[eveamee09]

I think he's going to do everything he can to woo me, like buy me presents, bring food and possibly even tickets for a holiday or something. I think he's still in denial and doesn't think it will be over. He probably thinks he can make me change my mind. I'm dreading it. I know what I want though and just hope I remember that when I'm looking at him.

[positiveparent]

Hi Katie, that's a good idea don't let him get around you to speak with you on the phone, he wants to see if he can get you to do one thing he wants then he will believe or know or think he can still win you around, if he offers you buckingham palace rent free for life don't take it, diamonds, pearls, your own hareem of men ( ummm could be tempting LOL) refuse, anything from his last rolo, to the shirt off his back, just calmly say No Thank You Ive got 2 already, lol seriously, decline anything he offers you.

You did say you were taking a friend with you, is that still on? When you meet him make sure you stay in a fairly open area, where there will be others passing by, don't be too close to water, as in on the banks of a lake or similar, I recommend you wear flats or trainers,(in case you need to exit fast) don't be dressed up, jeans and a jumper is good, you want to be looking just ordinary.

You don't want to have him getting amorous, after all.

Go through the list of suggestions in the Loser file, have a strategy, like say you can't stop long you're awaiting an urgent phone call on the home phone, that you only found out about 2 hours earlier, so couldn't let him know for a reschedule.

Try not to cry, be cold, or calculating in how you talk too him, just keep reminding yourself how he was wanting to control you, don't fall for his tears they'll be put on Im sure. Don't let him hug you or hold your hand or anything familiar, you have to be cool calm and collected, tell him you've given it much thought and whatever else, and be firm, he may try all sorts to win you over don't fall for anything, you're strong, you're determined, don't feel sorry for him, did he when he wouldn't let you be yourself, wouldn't let you do what you wanted, no he did not.

Just keep it short and too the point you don't owe him any explanations. You had a relationship, it didn't work its over end of story.

Wish him well Tell him you want to focus all your attention on your university degree, and you want to focus on it as your main priority, and you've realised that's your number one thing to focus on. If he asks personal questions don't reply, make an excuse to cut the meeting short the bare minimum of time you need to tell him its over and then go, don't wait around for him to get it together hell get himself together almost immediately once you walk away.

As already suggested use the urgent phone call excuse. Turn your mobile phone off, you want this businesslike and texts coming in or a call from your friend won't achieve that. Keep your car in sight as much as possible, this is in case you need to get away from him in a hurry.

If you take your friend, ask her to wait a sensible distance away, but to remind you after a pre determined time span that you have that urgent important call to get back home for.

Hope this will be useful for you.
You'll do it, I know you will, but do it as quickly and cleanly as possible.

Businesslike and efficient.

[Kitkat22]

Hi Katie, thats a good idea dont let him get around you to speak with you on the phone, he wants to see if he can get you to do one thing he wants then he will believe or know or think he can still win you around, if he offers you buckingham palace rent free for life dont take it, diamonds, pearls, your own hareem of men ( ummm could be tempting LOL) refuse, anything from his last rolo, to the shirt off his back, just calmly say No Thank You Ive got 2 already, lol seriously, decline anything he offers you.

You did say you were taking a friend with you, is that still on? When you meet him make sure you stay in a fairly open area, where there will be others passing by, dont be too close to water, as in on the banks of a lake or similar, I recommend you wear flats or trainers,(in case you need to exit fast) dont be dressed up, jeans and a jumper is good, you want to be looking just ordinary.

You dont want to have him getting amorous, after all.

Go through the list of suggestions in the Loser file, have a strategy, like say you can't stop long youre awaiting an urgent phone call on the home phone, that you only found out about 2 hours earlier, so couldnt let him know for a reschedule.

Try not to cry, be cold, or calculating in how you talk too him, just keep reminding yourself how he was wanting to control you, dont fall for his tears theyll be put on Im sure. dont let him hug you or hold your hand or anything familiar, you have to be cool calm and collected, tell him youve given it much thought and whatever else, and be firm, he may try all sorts to win you over dont fall for anything, youre strong, youre determined, dont feel sorry for him, did he when he wouldnt let you be yourself, wouldnt let you do what you wanted, no he did not.

Just keep it short and too the point you dont owe him any explanations. You had a relationship, it didnt work its over end of story.

Wish him well Tell him you want to focus all your attention on your university degree, and you want to focus on it as your main priority, and youve realised thats your number one thing to focus on. If he asks personal questions dont reply, make an excuse to cut the meeting short the bare minimum of time you need to tell him its over and then go, dont wait around for him to get it together hell get himself together almost immediately once you walk away.

As already suggested use the urgent phone call excuse. turn your mobile phone off, you want this businesslike and texts coming in or a call from your friend wont achieve that. Keep your car in sight as much as possible, this is incase you need to get away from him in a hurry.

If you take your friend, ask her to wait a sensible distance away, but to remind you after a pre determined time span that you have that urgent important call to get back home for.

Hope this will be useful for you.
Youll do it, I know you will, but do it as quickly and cleanly as possible.

Businesslike and efficient.

Don't give in... stay strong... Take his things and leave then on his doorstep...

[eveamee09]

Okay, this will be so hard but I think that what you said is the best way. Although I do love him very very much so I think crying will be inevitable and something I won't be able to prevent. I am definitely in agreement about the idea of being firm and businesslike (as much as possible) and want to appear to be sure that this is definitely what I want (no strong signs of weakness). Obviously though due to the love we share it will be really hard and my instinctual feelings will be to show affection and sympathy, but I will try not to touch him or hold hands etc like you said. I'll also just wear really normal plain clothes and not make any sort of special effort to dress up. Not sure whether to take my friend with me? Part of me wants to feel like I can do this on my own, and that having my friend there will put extra pressure and make me feel rushed, but also it would be good to have her to talk to afterwards on the way home. Not sure about this one yet. Why is it you think I shouldn't go on my own? I'm not worried about him being aggressive or anything by the way, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't hurt me.

Thanks for your advice x

[positiveparent]

I think you would be safer taking a friend, when a person is told that the relationship is over they can at times, not all, not all the time, but occasionally a person being rejected which is what he will think he is, may act out of character and become violent, as you know he's controlling, and it would be a preventative thing mostly.

However you must do what feels best for you.

Just be careful. Very Careful!!

Don't tell yourself it will be hard, I accept it won't be a piece of cake but if you tell yourself it will be hard then that's negative self talk, tell yourself I can do this I am doing it for my good and my well being, anything but telling yourself it will be hard, Use the I am affirmations. Take the ones that feel right and keep saying them to yourself.

Think Positive..

Just keep telling yourself I am strong I am capable I am determined, I will get through this, I want this, and I am going to go through with it, in a strong and determined way, I am strong. ...

Also Katie I don't like being the one to tell you this, but he didnt Love you, if he did he wouldn't have been controlling, or tried telling you what to do, because Love isn't that way, love accepts and wants the person they love to be themselves at all times, the person who tries to control another doesn't love them, its themselves they love not another.