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stephanie5 · May 26, 2010, 09:20 AM

:confused: My boyfriend was deported before I found out I was pregnant of him. His parents though are here in the US. So they help me out with money all the time. Now I've had my son and Im the only one on his birth certificate. Im traveling to my boyfriends country and my boyfriends mom is also. Im just going to visit because I'm still finishing high school and his mother is going to stay with her son over there.SHe wants me to leave my son over there with her so I can finish my probation and school. I trust her very much she is a goddess grandmother.I want to leave my son over there with her but I heard that I can't because Im the only person on the birth certificate. What can I do to leave him over there with permision?

Eileen G · May 26, 2010, 10:25 AM

As far as I know, if you are the only person on his birth cert, and there has been no DNA or other evidence of paternity, then you are the only person who says where your son goes or stays.

If you are not the person who says where your son goes, who is?

stephanie5 · May 26, 2010, 06:41 PM

Originally Posted by Eileen G

As far as I know, if you are the only person on his birth cert, and there has been no DNA or other evidence of paternity, then you are the only person who says where your son goes or stays.

If you are not the person who says where your son goes, who is?

I see. But there won't be any problem? They won't charge me as like abondaning him are child neglect?>

Eileen G · May 27, 2010, 07:13 AM

If you are the legal guardian, I can't see a problem. You are bringing your child to spend some time with his grandmother. Parents do this all the time. Is this any different from having him spend time with your mother?

In your case, I think it would be wise to make some sort of written agreement with the grandmother, stating exactly how long you will leave the child with her, and what authority she has while he is there. Can she authorise medical procedures, for instance? Is there a difference of religion? How will that work?

Your written document should make it clear that you are allowing the child to visit his grandmother, but you are not relinuishing custody or any of your parental rights. Get her to sign it.

stephanie5 · May 27, 2010, 09:46 AM

Originally Posted by Eileen G

If you are the legal guardian, I can't see a problem. You are bringing your child to spend some time with his grandmother. Parents do this all the time. Is this any different from having him spend time with your mother?

In your case, I think it would be wise to make some sort of written agreement with the grandmother, stating exactly how long you will leave the child with her, and what authority she has while he is there. Can she authorise medical procedures, for instance? Is there a difference of religion? How will that work?

Your written document should make it clear that you are allowing the child to visit his grandmother, but you are not relinuishing custody or any of your parental rights. Get her to sign it.

OOO!! I get it now! But where can I get that agreement or document. Do I need a lawyer or something? OR do I just go to the court with his grandmother?

cindychick06 · May 27, 2010, 09:56 AM

DO NOT LEAVE YOUR CHILD THERE!! Since you said your boyfriend was deported, I'm assuming you mean back to mexico?? TRUST ME! I have been there, it is NOT the place for your child to be growing up. And their government system is extremely different than ours. I would not want to you never be able to see your son again because trust me it can happen!! It happened to a friend of mine. He ex-husband took her son to mexico and she never saw him again. Even if he is not from Mexico you still do not want to leave your child in another country that you don't know where he is or what is happening to him. You are better to just stay here and stick it out and do what you can. I would never want anyone to go through what my friend has gone through. Please please please don't do that! It's a big mistake, also like a few others have said it can be considered child abandonment. Please think it through before you do this!!

stephanie5 · May 27, 2010, 02:48 PM

Originally Posted by cindychick06

DO NOT LEAVE YOUR CHILD THERE!!!!!!!! Since you said your boyfriend was deported, i'm assuming you mean back to mexico???. TRUST ME! I have been there, it is NOT the place for your child to be growing up. And their government system is extremely different than ours. I would not want to you never be able to see your son again because trust me it can happen!!!!!! It happened to a friend of mine. He ex-husband took her son to mexico and she never saw him again. Even if he is not from Mexico you still do not want to leave your child in another country that you don't know where he is or what is happening to him. You are better to just stay here and stick it out and do what you can. I would never want anyone to go through what my friend has gone through. Please please please don't do that! It's a big mistake, also like a few others have said it can be considered child abandonment. Please think it through before you do this!!!!!

ITz el salvador by the way. That's what my mom was thinking but I don't think that can happen if I'm the only person on his birth certificate. Anywayz my boyfriends parents are very good people. I don't know what to do anymore. I want to finish school and I want to work but how am I going to do this? Ill be having to give the babysitter almost my whole check. That's why I think it's a good idea leaving him with his grandmother over there for a while. Mean while I finish school.

cindychick06 · May 27, 2010, 05:07 PM

Your mother won't help you out with the baby just while your in school?? Or find a friend or relative that could watch the baby until you get out of school. I would just advise against leaving your child in another country. I know in mexico having an american birth certificate means nothing, it just means you can get back across the border if you can. Just be careful and make sure that you can trust them completely, or ask his mother to come here and stay. That would be your best bet! Good luck

JudyKayTee · May 28, 2010, 08:18 AM

Originally Posted by cindychick06

your mother wont help you out with the baby just while your in school?!?! or find a friend or relative that could watch the baby until you get out of school. I would just advise against leaving your child in another country. I know in mexico having an american birth certificate means nothing, it just means you can get back across the border if you can. Just be careful and make sure that you can trust them completely, or ask his mother to come here and stay. That would be your best bet! Good luck

It is not the responsibility of OP's mother to raise her child - it would be nice if she would but apparently she is not willing to do so.

I am also concerned that the OP is on probation - I have no idea why but there's a very good chance she's not allowed to travel outside the Country and/or can't enter another Country.

I don't know where your "in Mexico having an American birth certificate" statement is coming from. I'm ex-US Customs/Immigration and that simply is not true. How do you know that or why do you think that?

Would I allow another person to take my child outside the US, with or without written agreement? No. Legally it is not wise. I appreciate that at the moment she's a "Goddess Grandmother." Things can and often do change. She will become attached to the child, may not want to return him and you'll be in a legal battle in a foreign Country.

stephanie5 · May 29, 2010, 08:12 AM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

It is not the responsibilty of OP's mother to raise her child - it would be nice if she would but apparently she is not willing to do so.

I am also concerned that the OP is on probation - I have no idea why but there's a very good chance she's not allowed to travel outside the Country and/or can't enter another Country.

I don't know where your "in Mexico having an American birth certificate" statement is coming from. I'm ex-US Customs/Immigration and that simply is not true. How do you know that or why do you think that?

Would I allow another person to take my child outside the US, with or without written agreement? No. Legally it is not wise. I appreciate that at the moment she's a "Goddess Grandmother." Things can and often do change. She will become attached to the child, may not want to return him and you'll be in a legal battle in a foreign Country.

NO my mom doesn't want to take care of him cause she works full time in a factory and tha last time she had a kid was 6 years ago. She doesn't remember.she says. Anywayz thanks allot for the advice. Ill think about it. If I decide I want to write a written agreement where can I do that?what are the steps for a written agreement?Oh and I already have permission from probation.

Eileen G · May 29, 2010, 03:36 PM

In theory, all you need for a written agreement is for someone to write down the terms of what you are agreeing, and for the people involved to sign it.

Because of the situation, it might be no harm to get a lawyer to help you do it right, and make sure all the bases are covered. Something like this should not be expensive. You may find your probation service has a suitable lawyer on staff.

JudyKayTee · May 30, 2010, 05:10 AM

I would not even attempt such an agreement with an Attorney in each Country reviewing it -

Also, OP is on probation. There is some discussion of her going with the child and coming back alone. I'm not sure she's allowed to leave this country - she says she is - OR enter another.

El Salvador is (apparently) very dangerous for Americans. US relations with El Salvador are (at best) dicey. The father (who apparently is not the proven father) or his family or anyone else can refuse to return the child when the mother wants him back (when she finished school, when she pays her debts, when she gets off probation) and there is little anyone can do.

The father was deported from the US as an illegal so I would guess he's not too thrilled with the US right now.

I thought we were talking about Mexico. We aren't.

I am somewhat confused by OP's references to El Salvador being "over there" but -

At any rate: The Most Dangerous Country in the World