[J_91_G]

Right it's kind of a complicated situation. I liked this girl for a very long time and spent a good portion of the last two and a half years of school getting to know her. It really kicked off when I met her at a church ceilidh and I plucked up the courage to ask her to dance and from then on we both knew that we liked one another.

I spent the next few months really trying to get to know her and looking for signs, she began commenting frequently on Facebook and then eventually right before I was going to ask her for her number she asked for mine. Now I held off asking her out because it was exam period and I didn't want her to lose focus but I asked her a week after they finished and she said yes. From then on it was wonderful but there were several complications.

Firstly although we went to the same school we lived at opposite ends of the city so as soon as the summer holidays began it was difficult to get to see one another. Secondly there was an age problem as I was 17 nearly 18 and she'd just turned 16. Then there was the problem that there was outside pressure as people never gave us a moment together when we'd see each other at the evening service on a Sunday (we went to different churches but went to one in the city centre in the evenings in the summer).
Then there was the problem of her family. I'm not sure her domineering mother or 2 older brothers wholy approved of me although I did everything to be the perfect boyfriend (presents, flowers, always paying for meals, cinema tickets, being gentle and generally doing anything for her etc as standard) but I tried not to be too clingy.
As this had been my first relationship I didn't really have great ideas on what I could do with/where I could take her but we did have fun albeit we were both really indecisive.
But I noticed things changing when she fell ill with swineflu. I sent flowers instantly (cost me a fortune) and she loved them but I didn't want to intrude and felt if I asked to speak to her/visit her I'd be a burden.

Once she was better I knew it was only a matter of time before we broke up so I stopped sleeping, eating etc and fell ill. I'd started Uni and she had her big exams in school, there was great strain and it was basically impossible for us to see one another. Then came the night of her brother's 21st ceilidh. Things were awkward that night as she kept her distance from me while her various family members either ignored me/ insulted me/ used me for some purpose that evening. Her group of friends didn't really make conversation with me and I felt isolated. She seemed happier with other people than she did with me. I don't blame her. I don't think she knew how to handle the situation but I am mad at her family.

Then one Friday she arranged to meet up with me and finished it. I cried. Still do. But it's not like she did it because I'd done something wrong or because she didn't like me she kept saying, "you're a really great guy it's just I don't feel like I can manage a relationship just now." I suspect the decision was partially prompted by her parents but she claimed it was her own decision.

Now we have run into one another and we can get on fine, but I feel utterly gutted when I do. What's more is that she wants to study law at the same uni I'm at and because I'm doing joint law and politics with a view to joint honours it means that if I want to become a practising lawyer I will have to do a first year course the same year she starts law so our paths look set to cross again. And being totally honest here that's why I can't move on. I can't help but hope that maybe with the right conditions we could become a "we" again. Now I know people will say forget her, or she treated you badly, or plenty more fish but it's not like that. She is special, she is one of those one in a million people sort of people who are really sweet and genuinely good natured. She apologised to me so much over how things went, esp at the 21st and she is only 16. Personally I think she acted maturely for her age in the way she broke up with me, because she did it in the nicest way possible.

That's just it. She is a beautiful person (in character as well as looks) and it's not like we broke up after an argument. It seems it was more outside factors that were to blame. I keep hoping maybe we'll get back together and people have suggested it but I still have so many unanswered questions that I don't know if I can.

What's more I am conscious that I don't want to be hoping for something when maybe moving on would be better. There have already been girls at uni who have expressed interest in me but I can bring myself to get involved. The trouble is I'm scared of hurting them if I'm not able to focus on them. I'm also scared of getting hurt again if it doesn't last. As a rule I don't go into relationships unless I believe that "she is the one" (which is why I've had so few). Can I get suggestions on how I can forget her just now? And if in 2 years we meet up again how will I know that there is potential for us to get back together?

[Jake2008]

As for the last part of your question first. Two years is a long time in the future to figure out how to behave when and if you cross paths at university. I hope that you don't spend the best years of your life stuck in neutral, waiting to get into first gear with her because it may never happen, and you will have wasted a lot of time and effort worrying about it.

The relationship, while a long time in the making, did not last very long, and I suspect that you are right that external forces were not onside with this relationship. Sometimes even though everything may seem perfectly matched between the two of you, real life sets in, and many things have to be considered. Regardless of why it ended, the point is, it did end. There wasn't much left for doubt after she called it quits.

The best thing you can do, is build a life for yourself, and enjoy what you are doing all you can. Date other girls, develop friendships, seek out new experiences and challenges. It might be hard to get that resolve, but once you do, your wounds will heal.

Take the good out of the relationship as to the characteristics that attracted you such as the type of personality, and how genuine she was, and look for those good things in another relationship. Even as a guide, you have some idea what you need in a person.

Don't waste another moment on the past. Your happiness will only be in your future.

[talaniman]

I think you will move on naturally if you stay focused on your studies and make new friends, both male and female. That's what college is about and why not enjoy it to the fullest.

As for the females, you recognize your not ready, but friends and hanging out with no strings or expectations is a great way to have fun until you are ready.

Two years is a long time to worry, so don't. Just take it as it comes.

Good Luck.