[GoodLuckPig]

I am so lazy I just don't know what to do. I am going to college and I try to do the most basic homework (you know 4-10 page essays on things). I don't even start them, I start reading the material, I get overwhelmed really fast, I can't concentrate, the work doesn't get done. I don't even start the project and I feel like I have too much work to do or something. I get to the point where I would rather kill myself than face the work. So basically here is how it goes.

I get mentally prepared to do the work.
I pick up an essay to read it.
I try to understand what it is saying.
I feel like it is going to take too long to finish, and that I won't have enough time to do anything.
I get depressed because I can't make myself do it.
I want kill myself because I am going to fail my class and ruin my life.
I put the book down.
I do absolutely nothing, until the next day where I think I can get everything done.
Repeat!

This is my second year of college, I failed 2 classes last semester because of this. I am going to fail 2 more if this keeps up. It is a serious problem that I need to take care of now. I mean right now. Like I got to get this paper in tomarrow and I can't get any mental strength to do it. I mean I really don't do any thing else with my time, I play with my pet till I get bored, play video games till I get bored, watch TV till I get bored. I don't even like TV, video games, or my pet and they take up most of my time, I don't have fun I just do it to kill time.

[Wondergirl]

Have you been tested for focus problems, maybe ADD or some kind of learning problem? Do you stay away from friends and other students, and tend to be alone a lot? Some of this sounds like depression. Have you ever talked with anyone (your guidance counselor or the career office) at the college about this?

[GoodLuckPig]

Eh... I really don't like to talk to people about my problems, I generally don't like people period. I got friends and stuff, I don't go out of my way to avoid people. I socialize somewhat. I am seriously considering dropping out and enlisting in the army.

[Wondergirl]

I am seriously considering dropping out and enlisting in the army.

And that will improve your life how? You are wanting the strict supervision and structure? You can't make yourself do something, so someone will be in charge of your life and making you do things?

[GoodLuckPig]

Sounds like a solution to me. I need someone to teach me self-discipline, values, and whatever else that I need to know.

[Wondergirl]

Sounds like a solution to me. I need someone to teach me self-discipline, values, and whatever else that i need to know.

That was your parents' job, not the Army's. How are you going to get past the psychological testing?

[GoodLuckPig]

Oh I am pretty sure I can get past any psychological testing. If not, suicide is always an option.

[Wondergirl]

Oh I am pretty sure I can get past any psychological testing. If not, suicide is always an option.

And you said: "I really don't like to talk to people about my problems, I generally don't like people period." Guess what you will be doing and being with (in barracks with no personal space) for the next two years (or more).

There is a better way.

P.S. I have a grad degree in psych. Psychological testing is specially set up for people who think they will slip past, who think they will fool everyone.

[gam17]

What makes u feel good in life?

[GoodLuckPig]

Exactly I don't think I will fool anyone, I am not out to actively fool anyone, I am just fairly certain that I can pass the test on my own merit. Where did this notion that I was trying to deceive anyone come into play? I said I don't like people, not hate them, I can tolerate any amount of exposure with anyone, it's just a question of whether I have the choice or not.

And this may sound weird, I actually feel good when I am depressed.

[Wondergirl]

And this may sound weird, I actually feel good when I am depressed.

If this is the case, then I'm guessing you aren't really depressed.

What DOES make you happy?

[GoodLuckPig]

Well, what makes me feel good, I honestly can't answer that question. I really have no idea, first thing that comes to mind is funny things, and thinking about stuff, eating good food, rain, and that's about all I can think of.

[gam17]

Definitely you are right you do not like or hate it is a problem with ability to love or commit.
"working" with a good mental health professional might help a lot, reality you need good insurance and a job but I have a big problem with you talking about suicide.
I guess(reasonably) you are okay when you have fun and control on your envirnment like most of us (but little more)
Again connect with a professional to end some of your turmoil

[GoodLuckPig]

It's not that simple, or easy.

[FlyYakker]

A lot of people have found military life provided a framework for learning self discipline. However, you do need to be sure you are ready for the lack of privacy and regimentation - especially during basic training. You also need to think about which service to join very carefully as possible activities vary greatly.

Don't forget the Coast Guard - often not remembered as an "military" option, and performing many vital services domestically.

[GoodLuckPig]

Yea, I know it will help me, but the problem is getting the strength to do anything that would strain my mind or body. I really don't feel like I have to do anything, because I have this weird thing about sleeping. I can dream what I want to dream, so if I want to do something all I have to do is go to sleep and it's easy. Either that or just day dream. Sometimes I like to just let my mind wander and see what I can think of, but I don't think of anything that has any real world value, and why should I, the real world matters just as much as my dreams do.