[arle]

My ex girlfriend's dad lives in Colombia and has been missing for a month. They suspect that he was kidnapped and she is going through a lot of pain.

I want to be there for her because I still love her and she says that she still loves me but before I found out about this she had done something that really hurt me and I decided that I had to move on because she had not done anything to show me she wanted to change.

She had emailed me to tell me about this terrible news and that she didn't want me to think that she did not just care and that she still loved me. Now that this tragic event has occurred, I feel that I need to put our dilemma behind us and be there for her as a friend even thought I am still in love with her.. I am trying to be as selfless as possible but I also don't want to allow myself to get hurt as well as I am trying to move on. I have been talking to her by chat a few times about what is going on with her but she has not asked me to see her. I feel like I need to take the initiative to do more than because it is a terrible thing that she must be going through and I want to be there for her.. Any advice?

[talaniman]

What is it you think you can do?

[arle]

I don't know, it's really a tough question to answer. I just know that she told me for a reason and I want her to know that I am there for her if she needs me.. I am trying to put my personal needs aside for someone that I truly care for despite the fact that she hurt me.. I don't know what I would do if I lost my dad, but I would hope that the people that truly loved me would be there for me..

I would get back together with her if she proved to me that she wanted to make up for her mistakes but since she hasn't, I cannot settle for that and will not get back with her. I just don't want her to misinterpret that I am trying to help her out so that we can get back together. I am still trying to get over her and I have not moved on but should I try to see past our situation and offer to help her if she needs me?

[talaniman]

I think you wait, and see what happens since you have no strategy that will help. You don't have enough FACTS to take any action now, sad as her situations is. Hope the best for her, and her family.

[Gemini54]

I don't think that you need to get back together with her, but you do need to let her know that you care about her as a friend, and that you are there to support her and provide her with sympathy when she needs it.

Treat her as you would wish to be treated yourself if this dreadful thing had happened to you. This isn't about your relationship, or about the hurt you are feeling, it is about the loss of her father.

[Romefalls19]

I'm not sure of what you could do personally, but just tell you are there for her as a friend and if she needs anything to let you know and leave it at that.