[vanheart]

Unfortunately, this is a perfect and painful example of why NC is so important.

To not subject yourself to the personal hurt any longer.

So, you slipped. No big whoop. Just stay NC now and focused on the things that make you feel good, not bad.

[Something_Here]

When I realize that I have to move on and let go, I feel okay, there are other girls. But right now it seems like I wasted so much time while I was with her. Like it meant nothing to her and the world to me.

I have my OK moments where I feel like I'll get over her and find someone eventually, and then I have moments where the only thing I can think of is how much I miss her. I don't know if that's anything like what you feel? Hopefully, as we heal, we'll have more of those OK moments and fewer of the bad ones.

[vanheart]

Exactly, I did & you will too.

You have to work at it, no easy answers here. Whatever works for you.

One thing I said to myself after a while is "why am I spending time on someone that doesnt want me?"

She moved on & with someone else like you said.

You are living in the past by even missing her.

What's ironic is that we think our ex is feeling the same. Hurt, pain, regret, whatever. But that is the farthest thing from the truth.

Obviously, they didn't feel the same. Ya know??

[bella99]

Yep no contact -no Facebook. I just got reminded of that myself today. A mutual friend of my ex and mine's father passed away and I was on my friends Facebook page sending him a message, saw my ex's photo, so clicked on it (stupid me) and found out his new girlfriend is taking him to an eagles game this weekend - which is the same christmast present I bougt for him last year :( ugh. But - all is not lost - I have moved on quite a bit and just know that there's other guys out there - it reconfirmed why I should never click on his name again though!

[sadnlostedddd]

I guess it's been a little while since the whole FB incident, but I want to thank everyone for the words of encouragement that I've received since I've been here. I think the trick for me to start healing was really letting go and not hoping for her to come back, its amazing how much REAL no contact helps. I've remembered why we broke up to begin with and I remember how it felt being with her and how unhappy I was during the last few weeks of our relationship. Next semester I'm working a Co-op and going to continue to keep my grades up, I also asked me parents for a keyboard for Christmas I'm going to start teaching myself how to play.
But I know I'm not out of the woods yet, but I'm def. on my way and can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Thanks everyone!
:-}

[paxe]

Nice for you! Keep it up!

[amicon]

Great news and all the best.
Happy holidays!

[vanheart]

Yup, you got it it right.

Continue to have fun. And you will soon wake up feeling stoked.

Take your time.

[Something_Here]

I think the trick for me to start healing was really letting go and not hoping for her to come back, its amazing how much REAL no contact helps. I've remembered why we broke up to begin with and I remember how it felt being with her and how unhappy I was during the last few weeks of our relationship. But I know I'm not out of the woods yet, but I'm def. on my way and can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Realizing that it was over was a turning point for me as well (although I have to remind myself of it every day). Thinking about the very end seems like a good trick, I'll keep that in mind myself. Great to see that you're doing better. Good luck with the keyboard :)

[sadnlostedddd]

I guess an update, I hope everyone had a great holiday, I def. did, enjoyed it with my family. Just want to keep writing up here every time something interesting happens so I can keep looking at my progress. I just saw 1 of our mutual friends put up pictures of her with the ex and a group and her new dude with was her, it's weird, the first maybe 10 seconds I got that sick feeling, my heart started beating fast, and then it went away, usually it consumes my thoughts and I won't be able to do anything for hours, but now, it just kind of popped up and then went away. I don't really look at her as my girlfriend anymore, or a girl that I want to get with, she's just a girl that makes my heart skip a beat when I see her, and then I'm good.
I'm taking this girl that I used to work with out to lunch tomorrow, not as a date just to catch up, hopefully being around another girl will give me an extra push in the right direction.

[paxe]

Nice for you! Hope you do get even better.

[Ther4peuticH3at]

If you have any female peers in your family, they can help too. Especially if they understand where you're coming from. Men in your family will generally have just as much trouble teaching you how to deal with your emotions as you do in dealing with them in person. So, yeah, women in your family or close female friends may be able to give you better perspective when you need it.

[Something_Here]

Signs of improvement, great to see that you're healing. Keep going strong.

[sadnlostedddd]

I guess seeing those pics has had a bigger effect on me than I thought because I've been pretty miserable the past couple of days... it's strange because whenever I get upset, I can't imagine not caring, but whenever I feel better I can't imagine letting it bug me. It's hard trying not to show my emotions around my family, because I don't want my parents to think they raised a weak child, my brother and sister have told me that I need to suck it up and let go, but even still 4 months later, I still need someone to talk to whenver I feel bad... my goal was to be completely over this before school started, I can't let this crap mess up my next semester, I think my best bet would be to go rebound, I think it will provide me with some emotional stability... maybe? I don't know, but it seems like 4 months, I should have moved on, the same thoughts and memories pop into my head, but they have a much bigger effect of me when I'm feeling like this... idk, sorry I know I'm probably pissing people off by now with my story :-)

Just venting I guess

[talaniman]

Your in the right place to talk or vent, as many of us can relate to what your saying.

Its not uncommon for people, places, and things, to trigger our emotions, and stir feelings up in us.

That's simply human, and no one can say how long they need to overcome the obstacles we face, so don't be so hard on yourself.

Be patient, and focus on the enjoyment of doing your own thing, and stay away from using others to make yourself feel better.

That's not fair to your victim, and it causes more problems, than it solves. Keep working, you'll get there.

[bella99]

It takes everyone a different amount of time to get other people that were important to them. I went out with one guy for 3 years - we broke up and I wasn't phased at all - went out with one guy for 6 months and was messed up for like 6 months and still have days once in a while where I miss him.

Best thing to do is take your time - don't use someone else to get over her - you will hurt that person's feelings, and might not even make yourself feel any better. You need to focus on you and doing things that are healthy and mke you feel better. Don't give yourself a time limit for feeling better because once that dates gets closer you could get more antsy and not better.

Everything takes time - it sucks we all know - but it's a new year, so focus on doing new things with new people:)

[Something_Here]

Vent all you want, no problem.
Going for a rebound sounds like a temporary solution at best though, and it's pretty dishonest and disrespectful towards the new girl. To me at least, that sounds like a bad idea.

[paxe]

Remember that looking at her picture is like setting the whole NC back to 0. With full NC it should take you less time.

[sadnlostedddd]

Remember that looking at her picture is like setting the whole NC back to 0. With full NC it should take you less time.

But I'm not friends with her on fb or anything, like I didn't think it bothered me when I saw it but I guess subconciously it did because this was my 3rd night in a row where I didn't really sleep that well because of it. And the fact that she's moving back means I'm going to see her all the time now, so it's like whenever I see her, I'm screwed and I'll go back to square 1? :-/

[amicon]

No that gets easier with time.
The first time's bound to be a bit of a setback but you'll get used to it.