[Jake2008]

I see no harm in continuing to talk. It could be that he is re-thinking his decision. I'd be expecting him to put his money where his mouth is though, and IF it gets to the reconcilliation phase, insist on couples counselling to get a better fix on if he truly is committed.

If the distance between you now seems to be drawing him out, who knows what could happen.

If it were me, I would expect the best, but be prepared for the worst.

[talaniman]

I think you both need some time as seeking resolutions through honest communications to defining the relationship, is what needs to happen, but when the answer to the questions is "I don't know" nothing can be changed or resolved. He asked, you should have told him, and listen to his words and see if they match the actions.

Don't ever be afraid to put what you're think out their or ask questions when you don't know something.

He should know what you expect, and you should know what he expects.

[loovefool]

"i don't know" thing was because I was emotional and just couldn't think straight, couldn't say anything then.
Update, he called me and we talked, and he said he was sorry and made a mistake by telling me he wasn't in love. He "doesn't know" why he said it. He said he wants to be with me, and be in it all the way. And how I'm the one and only for him. We'll soon meet, so I'll keep updating if you're interested.
Pretty confusing but positive outcome I hope. But I'll watch for his actions rather than words, thanks.

[loovefool]

Latest update.
He said he doesn't know why he said he wasn't in love, and why he kept repeating it to me, how it was cruel of him. He made a mistake by thinking it was all my fault somehow. He said he's under a lot of stress and for the past month he is drained out and just feels warmth towards me. He didn't notice he was acting cold and distant.

He doesn't understand why do I love him. He hurt me a lot and I still forgive him. He thinks he's not the right one for me. (is this about low self-esteem or is he just finding a way out?)

My friend thinks he is jealous of me. So I asked him is he. He said he is of some characteristics I have he doesn't have. Do you think this is related to him always wanting to do things his way because he thinks it's the best, and has a really hard time admiting my way is much better? (a source of our arguments, yes)

He said he has no expectations in this relationship. That weirded me out so then he said he wants to connect with me on the deeper level and never wants to leave me.

He always asks what do I want. He knows I want everything with him. So he asked don't I want something besides him. (I have my own life, and I love him a lot, but I never pressured or choked him, and he confirmed it. So what he wanted to say by this?)

I demanded a change in him, not just a promise, but to really show me without telling me. He agreed and said I'll see it in a week. He said he'll do it for me. (but he should do it for himself)

I don't know is this the beginning of the end and I should run away before he breaks my heart again. Is this my intuition, or my fear and insecurity speaking?

I hope someone will assist me through this. Thank you again, you've been great so far.

[Jake2008]

Actions speak louder than words. It isn't enough that he says he's going to change. He needs to tell you what he's going to change, and you need to tell him what you expect.

Because he is trying, even a little, I wouldn't give up yet. Keep talking and see if you can't get a fix on narrowing down how he plans to change, and also see if he can get a grip on how hard he's been on you with his words and actions.

I would proceed with caution, but be confident enough in yourself, not to keep getting emotionally bashed around by him, and let him know that too.

This really is up to him.

[amicon]

Actions speak louder than words-so you need to look at what he's done and what he does in future. Possibly your intuition is trying to tell you something.
I still think the communications between the two of you are filled with confusion and not a lot of positive forwardlooking problemsolving agendas.
Update whenever you need to.

[loovefool]

It's been two weeks since I've posted here. Things have been confusing since. It's hard for me to believe him he' in love with me when saying that right after he said he wasn't. I find it very hard to trust him in general. I'm being suspicious he's cheating even if he says he's not, and deep down I know he's not. I'm just afraid.

Arguments pop up every now and then and end up with none of us wanting to fight ever again. But we can't help it. None of us feels loved by each other anymore. There's a distance between us and we don't know how to cross it. He wishes we could start all over again with no messy past. He says I should pass our past by, but I can't forget it and the arguments we have now remind me of his past mistakes so I bring them out again. I know I shouldn't. He says I think it's always his fault and he tries but I see it in a wrong way.

He sometimes thinks he would like to be loved by someone who accepts him as he is. I do accept him, I just don't tolerate crap from anyone. I sometimes feel like he's not the right one for me but I wish he could be, so I feel like I'm going to fall in love with someone and leave him, even though I am in love with him now.

I don't know why do we feel this way and we both wish for things to be OK again, we don't know how. Time just passes by and things are staying the same. Is it just we don't love the other the way it's expected? We do talk about our expectations, but they never become reailty. Am I expecting too much or simpy don't get the amount of love I need from him? Is it really because he doesn't love me? Is this relationship over?

[amicon]

Unless you both actively work to bring about the necessary changes to make this work-yes -or at least it should be.
You're going around is circles here and how much longer do you want to be doing that?

[talaniman]

What could you be arguing about? Hopefully not the past. For sure its better to talk, and listen. If conversations are getting blown into arguments, then someone isn't listening, and that's not communications. Your posts are vague and emotional, and frankly hard to pinpoint what your problem really is. Maybe that's the way he sees it too. Too much emotion without clear meaning?

[loovefool]

I am the one who plans our dates, from when and where we go, what we'll do and so on. He lacks initiative. I've told him I want him to take me out sometimes and plan something to surprise me, but he does nothing. Money is not the issues, it doesn't have to be anything expensive. I offered myself to pay for it, he just has to be creative and do something for me, make me feel special, you know. I know he can be.

We've been together for over two years and it wasn't like this in the beginning of course. Now I plan things for us and he forgets about it! Like he didn't even listen to me when I talked about our plans. I first didn't want to over react, so I ignored his forgetfulness. But now I somewhat had enough. We supposed to go out tonight, but he again said he had something and we're not seeing each other this time, again. I suppose he's hanging out with friends.

Other times I used to confront him and say how could he forget again! And then he managed to go in the end with me but invited two more friends with us. While I wanted to spend time just the two of us. It's like he avoids to take me out, or am I imagining things? He said he's never cheated on me, and repeats that to me, every time I give him a suspicious look. Sorry, I can't help but not to wonder. He does spends time with me, but doesn't take me on dates.

Guys, please read into him. What could be going on? I've told him I don't feel loved anymore. More so I feel rejected. He says he's just tired, but he doesn't have such a bussy day not to have time for me, or anyone else, and I don't think I ask for too much, or I don't let him breathe.

I think we communicate OK, I expressed myself clearly, I tried not to get emotional. He knows what I want, he just forgets to give that to me. Why?