[dreamvisions]

Hello to one and all :)

Well am here for some peace of mind so to speak! My girlfriend broke up with me two weeks ago, over the phone cause I asked her were we OK ! And she went silent... so I asked her was she thinking of braking up , and she said yes... I was sort of shocked , doe things have not been great , I taught we could work every thing out! She is 20 I am 24 she says she loves me and cares , and gave me the whole friend crap!! We were going out for two years. Each day after the break up I was asking reason to why she wanted to break up ? And it seemed she would add something to the list every day !

1. she lost feelings for me
2. she wants to be on her own
3. she was bored
4. the relationship was stagnating
5. I never communicated my feelings after a fight!

Ok one and 2 I could under stand! But feelings do come back also , it there is love there ! But for the rest I am not to sure about that , let me explain. In the last 3 months of the relationship I lost my job , and with the way things are going with no jobs out there , I had goten lazy with me and with her and lost motivation :( I realize that I was not as good to her at this time , doe she was working. I had always suggested to do different stuff with her true out the relationship , and she was never that into doing much , so I really taught that she liked hanging around the house much more than going out al the time. This I did not mind :) cause I got to cuddle her , treat her nice , brush her hair , and visea versa . She said to me that we never really talked but we did and don’t think every body’s going to remember every conversation they had with there loved .

As for the relationship stagnating I tried to do different things with her as I said , but I was also at a low point in my life trying to find work, it gets depressing and hoped she would be there for me! And for love life we never had sex , I am a virgin and so is she , I never ever wanted to force her into doing anything she did not want to do , even when we were drunk! I respected that she was not ready even after 2 years! and to be honest I really wanted to have sex only with her :( but that don't matter we done other fun stuff. Commutation was an issue for me cause I come from a slight different background with her , and only wish she asked to express what I was feeling instead of saying it at the end , I guess I have not got too much self awareness!

Then this is the one that is stumping me , we met last week for coffee and a chat about how things were going , she said she still loves me , and still cares , we hugged , she did not back away , we kissed she did not back away , and then we kissed longer... she still did not back away , now I am confused... am not sure if her mother is putting her up to this ! Doe she seems nice , she would be always on her back to go and get job, collage etc... she even told her to dump me cause I smoke :/

Advise would be great J

[jaffeyjoeblaze]

She is too young to understand love, realize she has not experienced as much as you have in life, she still has stages she must go through in order to find out what she wants out of a relationship, career, etc...

Her mind is in a state of confusion and that is bad for both of you, you 2 must quit and move on to be honest...

I know because I have been there, you will find another who is sure about theirselve and sure about you...

Try to date someone your age, it's a lot easier...

[slapshot_oi]

Uh, stop asking questions before she totally destroys your ego. I'd be pretty bothered by number 3. Actually, just stop talking to her altogether.

[dreamvisions]

Thanks for the post :) I under stand what your saying but at the same time I have only been in one other relationship also and never loved , she is mature for her age also , and I am also young in love ! But I do want to move on with my life , and as you can understand from me beening on here... it is hard


Why am I saying also all the time lol

[talaniman]

Sorry guy, but her feelings have changed, and have probably been changing for some time, before she reached her decision. Over the phone is a lousy way of doing a break up, but you still have to accept it, and disappear from her life, and move on with your own.

All break ups suck, because it's a lousy feeling, especially so the first one where you have no previous experience to fall back on, as to how to deal with those feelings.

Read the stickies at the top of the relationship forum, and see some helpful insights, as to what to do to heal from this experience, and move on.

We all have been through this break up stuff, some of us many times so you are not alone. There is a link in my signature, and sorry for your loss.